


Strip me of shame

by laterie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Eventual Smut, Hallucinations, M/M, Miscarriage, Omega Keith (Voltron), Omega Verse, Relationship Problems, SPOILER TAGS:, Slav was right because Slav is genius, Strong Language, Yes Keith is pregnant, hard choice, now prepare for the SPOILER TAGS, physics is strong in this one, right now you don't have to wait, stressed Shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:04:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9552170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laterie/pseuds/laterie
Summary: "Don't do this to me."Keith’s anger launched a disaster. His need to find the answers is rising to the point, where Shiro is losing his control over the Red Paladin and their lives. A whole new universe is opening for Keith. Will he find his real home?





	1. Wears red, feels like blue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not native, and I'm sorry for any errors.

_“Keith, you have to run away! Don’t look at me like you want me to stop you because that’s not running away. Just finally do something right.”_

Keith was alone. Not abandoned, scared away, or frightened, just alone because he had chosen to be alone, far away from others. Trying to convince himself, that the choice came straight from his head, Keith watched his only property lying in his hands; the blade of Marmora knife. He replayed the fight with Shiro again and again, trying to understand and respect the wish of his mate. But another wave of pain fired through his brain, leaving him angry. He believed in at least five good reasons Shiro didn’t need to act like the last knight of the round table.

Red Paladin, the proud and mighty Paladin, the right hand of the Voltron was sent away by the head Paladin, just because fighting with infant sleeping in his belly could harm them both. Keith tried persistently push and kick the subject while Shiro had hands full of enemies. The subject about how the Red Paladin didn’t want to end up like a round, useless ball. Red Paladin needed to fight and protect people, show the universe, that he has no weakness.

Voltron served as a weapon. No flower ever had won a war. Shiro always tried to talk first and then shoot at the enemies. Lance was the one who pointed at Shiro’s and his difference. The one always patient and polite and the other, dressed in black wearing red in his eyes.

People alway connected him with anger and violence, even though Keith always tried to mind his own business. He didn’t come to the world to let people bully him. He knew how to strike back and how to finish what he started. Always thinking, that he’s good at ignoring, Keith tried to ignore Shiro once, twice just to realize, he won’t get any satisfaction from seeing Shiro sink to the bottom again.

But now, Keith felt a bit abandoned and scared. Only wilderness surrounded him and his unborn baby. He life trained him for lonely places, but there never was so many plants and animals with sharp teeth. How stupid could they be in the glory of their intelligence? Obviously, the risk of Keith fighting the resistance was too big, so Shiro sent him on an unexplored planet with suicidal animals.

Keith tried not to think.

Keith had been gone for a month. He was calculating, doing the math, and wrote it all down on the paper. The days here took longer than on Earth. The planet was bigger than Earth, the colors more intense, the air clean and sweet. He had found his safe and quiet paradise. But in every paradise was something dark, a devil, the black paladin and Keith with his anxiety.

They gave the planet name Orberus. After a week of living on this primeval forest planet, Keith renamed it to Ophelia because of the animal species which suffered such depression caused by separation from their partner, that they just jumped into the river and died. Shakespeare wasn’t helping, not even his funny stories about fireflies and stupid adults who rather sold their kids to demons than let them fall in love. Keith felt like one of Shakespear’s bad written character. He would write him drunk, seeing shit and Kalteneckers on every step. But the problem seemed to be bigger because the man he loves dearly had sent him away. All the authors would now pay dirty money to see him suffer more. 

Keith felt helpless, he choked, cried, and died inside in a way the human shouldn’t be allowed die.

 

_“Keith we’re in a dangerous position!“_

_“But…”_

_„No buts!“_

 

First of all, Keith felt betrayed. There was nothing that could make it right, not even thousands of sorry from Shiro’s mouth. His life now seemed dull, rough, and full of black and white moments. Days passed by him like an endless train, making noise, calling his name Keith, let’s go, jump, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Keith was watching, waiting, while the sun and the moon were the only witnesses.

He was not entirely alone. He felt life inside of him. The warm fire Shiro left inside of him. Keith spent days talking to his baby. He stopped address the unborn our baby. Now the bundle belonged only to him. Shiro’s name appeared only in the dictionary of vulgarism. In the first month, Keith lectured his belly, teaching them not to call Shiro dad but Black Paladin, the asshole-dad.  Keith didn’t want to be a priority for Shiro; he just wanted to have a word in their relationship. Voltron and Paladins first, their relationship next. They needed the Red Paladin, not Keith, the pregnant hybrid.

 

_„Shiro I can help!“_

_„This is not only about you!“_

_„Well fuck you too.“_

 

Angry, why was he always so angry that he couldn’t talk to Shiro as an equal? Another void and another black hole followed by emptiness - that seemed like a good description.

Keith had created the image of angry Red Paladin. Now every creation they have met thought Red Paladin is destinated to walk on the red, rude way into madness. The character always touched a specific Lion, but only Keith felt the opposite. Red Lion, his kitty was upset on the same scale, beginning with ten to hundred. He always tried to understand his Lion, but the cat instead of opening for him opened him for herself. She let him know that she never will be that one who abandons him. She never will be like Shiro, no matter what. But not even the Red Lion could break Allura’s command.

Keith loved Shiro with passion, covering them with flames. He built a shelter for their fragile love, and Shiro threw him away. First time Keith met Shiro, he fell deep, in real deep love. After Shiro had left for Kerberos, Keith started to fall apart like a flower dying in the radiation. Of course, he cheered Shiro for the mission, giving him jealous looks. First time in his life, Keith tried not to be selfish. Yes, Shiro belonged to him, but they all belonged to space.

As days melted into a month, Keith discovered that the fauna met all conditions to become the system with the smallest animals. The suicidal squad animals had beautiful white fur and little red eyes. Only once in his Keith witnessed such empty and lonely eyes. Everything led him back to Shiro.

Fauna, flora, and Shiro. Keith missed Red Lion and Pidge. Of course, she would be the only one who would give Shiro disapproval look. Somewhere between the big fight, Keith and Shiro, had Pidge murmured something about Keith being capable of taking care of himself. Shiro frowned, flexed his jaw and ended the conversation with: I have no time to argue here! We’re in the middle of a fight! It could mean that Keith wouldn’t have to give a damn about what Shiro wanted. Two sided blade was always more dangerous than a simple knife.

“I’m tired of talking to myself.“ Keith sighed. He tried to clean his boots from a green mud.

Keith was sitting on a rock, watching the beautiful rain forest when his radio started to squeal and crackle; _Is there someone?_ A voice, male, deep, desperate- and well-known voice blasted through the magnets right to Keith’s wounded heart.

“No,” Keith stood up. The wave of anger ran through his veins right into his eyes.

 _“Is… there. Ome… som…”_ The signal was weak, but it couldn’t change the voice, that fucking damned voice.

“No,” Keith replied, annoyed by Shiro’s stern voice.

_“Keith! Are you there?!”_

„No, this is the kid Keith had left here to say fuck you too, Shirogane.“  He rolled his eyes, dropping the microphone on the floor.

He went from the moment of happiness to a moment where he wanted to stab Shiro in just a few seconds. His lungs were too full, so he held his breath, didn’t know where to go or what to do. Shiro, after a month, he came here, giving him no credits.

The Black Lion landed without any problems, but the perfection failed to reach Keith on the other side. When Shiro came out from the Lion, Keith had nowhere to run. He sat back on the rock and hugged his belly to hide it. A month gave his kid a lot of time to grow.

“Keith…” Shiro dropped his helmet on the ground. He looked vulnerable with the soft smile on his lips. But not even thousands of smiles could heal what the loneliness had done to Keith.

“I came to you,“ Shiro stood still on his spot, „as I promised.“

“You know, if the pod didn’t lose a wing while landing, I would fucking leave this planet and went back to the Castle just to beat your ass.“ Keith’s face remained stoic, almost too cold for Shiro to handle.

“Keith…” Shiro made his first steps. Closer and closer, he was stripping off his armor and boots leaving it behind him on the ground. He remained in his black, elastic overalls. His body still in shape, every muscle tight and round.

Keith wanted to cry, because, thanks to God for creating Shiro. At that moment Keith thought that a month in silence and only with occasional sounds from the universe which the radio could catch, took his sanity away together with reasons why not to punish Shiro.

Now, Shiro was with him, on the same planet, standing on the same rock, talking to him. He found him.

“You didn’t have to promise me anything; I made a choice.“

“You’re angry, I know you are,” Shiro remained standing within a reasonable distance.

“Well,“ Keith laughed, „coming from your mouth, it sounds funny.“ He started to pick up the dirt from behind his nails.

“Keith, I swear…” Shiro raised his hands in a peaceful gesture, “I did it to protect you. I know I was cruel, I was a bastard, I don’t deserve your—“

“The whole month I tried to convince myself, that I’ve chosen to leave because I wanted to look strong in my eyes.“ Keith hid the blade back into the case and stood up from the rock. „But you didn’t give me a chance to make my own choice.“

“Your choice was wrong,“ Shiro replied, trying to stay calm. He stripped off his armor to prove Keith that he came like a human, like that man who prioritize Keith and their baby over the universe.

Keith opened his mouth to answer, but he felt more insulted that corrected. The man who left him on the pod tried to play guilty on him. Keith just wanted to go home and not to talk with Shiro for next few months, because the venom on his tongue could destroy their bond.

„Well I should punch you, I would feel better. I don’t want to Shiro, but that’s all I want to do. I’m sorry If through our next conversation, I might lose it and punch you.“ Keith flexed his back to release the pain. His small and round belly drew Shiro’s attention. Now he could place both of his palms on the small knoll and feel the realness of the miracle.

“Keith, calm down please, alright? It's not healthy for you.”

Keith sighed. Now Shiro concentrated on his health when it was him who sent him on an abandoned planet – the closest habitable planet on their radar. Keith tried not to think about the stupidest decision Shiro had ever made, but the intelligence quotient already achieved its remark in the past.

“If you’re not going to talk about your shame,“ Keith sighed again, „then you’re not welcomed here.“

„Shame?“ Shiro asked, confused and worried, „I feel worried, not ashamed.“

Twice in a short time range, Shiro managed to shock Keith so fast, without even look guilty. The unknown feeling came like a wave of heat, making Keith unwell. Shiro, the man Keith had to choose to spend his life, didn’t feel ashamed of what he had done.

„I might be staying here after what you said.“ Keith turned his back to Shiro. He massaged his temple.

“Don’t be ridiculous; there’s no intelligent race here.“ Shiro looked at the forest. „Come on, baby.“

Keith laughed, a short and sad laugh. Shiro threw away his paladin suit, his gun and everything he was just to prove he came like a lover, not a soldier. For a second, Keith wished he could make the proud soldier cry and beg on his knees.

“I’m ridiculous?“ Another shock wave ran through Keith’s nerve system and emotionally paralyzed him.

“Keith, don’t do this.” Shiro began to urge him. 

“Patience, Shiro, have patience, will you?“ Keith almost laughed again. One month separated them, divided them into two and created a huge gap between them. Keith had no idea how to make things work again, or how to talk to Shiro without being considered as the one who got insane during the separation.

“We are better than this!” Shiro threw his hands up in despair. “You can’t be serious about this! I won’t let you stay here.“

“Why?“ Keith asked, his voice small but strong.

“Keith,” Shiro used his scolding voice. “You are not going to stay here. It’s not safe.”

„When I used to live in the desert," Keith replied, „you didn’t come and tell me:  _it’s not safe for you, Keith_.“

Shiro took a deep breath. He rubbed his forehead nervously. Keith knew very well where this conversation led them. The unfinished fight they had on the ship while fighting the resistance. Keith wanted to hear only a few words that would mean an apology from Shiro without a need to actually say the three precious words I am sorry.

“A wrong scenario!“ Shiro rejected.

„Say it, Shiro!“ Keith clenched his fist.

„I was there with you!“ Shiro surprised himself by raising his voice on Keith. „I was there to protect you!“

Keith stood up again. The inner monster just couldn’t react anymore. Keith wanted blood and revenge on Shiro, and words weren’t helping. He had never used violence on Shiro. In the gym, Keith always adhered to the rules.

“I promised I'll find you. I put…” Shiro lowered his head, “a tracking device on your blade. I knew you would never give up the blade of Marmora.”

“Ladies and gentleman,“ Keith placed his hand on his hip, „welcome Takashi Shirogane, the one and only, Black Paladin of Voltron. He used to love me like I’m a human, but now he loves me like I’m just a victim.“

„That’s not true!“ Shiro’s gaze darkened, „not true.“

„Well I’ve told you, I’ll punch you if you say something stupid.“

„Then come on,“ Shiro sprawled his arms, „ _do it_.“

Keith looked at the Black Lion. He could feel the stress and worries from the head Lion. Yes, even Blackie couldn’t take any more of their shit. He prayed for Red, day by day, wishing she didn’t feel abandoned or betrayed. The wind felt fresh against Keith’s heating skin. He didn’t run or make an angry face while he approached Shiro. When he balled his palm into a fist, he wished to say I love you before the hit found its target.

But he couldn’t.

Shiro was taken aback by the force Keith used. His lower lip broke, and the blood looked like a carmine pearl river. Shiro didn’t care about the pain; he didn’t even notice Keith’s too small steps while he was walking towards him. He fixed his eyes on Keith’s belly, watching the beauty, the lost innocence.

“You have to take care,” Shiro muttered with a throbbing pain in his jaw. “Please.”

Keith turned his head away. No satisfaction came from the punch. Not a fucking single one tear or justice. He felt the same mixed emotions drowning him in the lake of darkness. Why Shiro wanted him to feel desperate and lost? Why would a man in love want his other half to suffer? Pride infected Shiro’s heart, while Keith had to bear with his new position in Shiro’s life.

“I’m sorry,“ Shiro whispered when he spotted tears in Keith’s eyes. “I love you, Keith, I do love you. You are not alone; I won’t let you feel alone.”

Still not the words Keith wanted to hear. He decided that Shiro needs more time to understand his position. No fist, no anger could resolve the tension. Keith didn’t even want to touch Shiro or look into his eyes. The word Weak collided with resistance in Keith’s heart.

„You’ve sent me away.” Before Keith could lower his head, Shiro brought his hands to his face and cupped it.

Keith closed his eyes, trying to maintain the most fragile emotions. He would lie if he didn’t admit that he missed Shiro’s touch and his presence. The anger faded away with Shiro’s touch. He felt as something started to grow in his chest; long trails of lianas, laced together and around his ribs. His heart refused the emptiness and loneliness Keith’s brain wanted to choose before love. Pride comes before a fall. No fails for the wounded Red Paladin and Keith Kogane.

“How dare you have such soft hands?” Keith whispered, “We’re warriors, and you have such soft hands.”

Shiro slowly soothed him in his arms and Keith buried his face in the crook of Shiro’s neck. Shiro wanted to press him closer, but a small barrier between them prevented them from the most intimate interaction; soft and round, it was Keith’s belly. He smiled and kissed Keith’s on his brow. 

“You can call me an asshole the whole way to castle.” The smile on Shiro’s lips didn’t disappear.

“Just because I understood the importance of my role as the Red Paladin, it doesn’t mean I, as Keith, am not angry with you.” The universe always took first place in their lives.

Sometimes Shiro felt desperate and useless because Keith gave him clear signals what’s important. Shiro could take a lot of Keith’s risky behavior, but he refused to put the baby on the same level. Shiro had woken up at constant fear in his life because his mate was still fighting with his pregnancy. The long and depressing battle Shiro had to witness and prevented from possible death laid between them like a dead, red shadow. What if, Shiro? 

“You’re safe.” Shiro whispered against Keith’s hair, “so safe with me. Only with me. I love you.”

“How did you manage to defend yourselves against the resistance?” Keith asked, ignoring Shiro’s shushing voice and moves.

“The resistance was big but weak,” he replied with a resigned sigh, “ We missed you and your strength. Had some problems, but…”

“Yeah I understand,” Keith unraveled their hug and stepped away, “I’m still a part of the team, I get it.”

“You know I just…” Keith shook his head, looking at his dirty boots. The stupidity in his behavior reflected off the real heroism, but still, it was stupid.

“You are pregnant,” Shiro whispered as if it was a secret. “You are pregnant, with our baby. I would do anything to protect you. Please, don’t do this to me.” Shiro gripped his shoulders. The plea was quiet but strong. “I had to do it, Keith. You were in danger.”

“You had to act like an asshole, telling me to get the fuck out?” Keith lifted an eyebrow. Before he could speak even more harmful words, he had chosen to wave away his pride and think about his kid.

“We were in the middle of the battle, and we were losing it!” Shiro’s irritation grew stronger, "have some understanding!"

“Shut up!” Keith hissed, “You made me run away like a coward! I’m in shame! I feel nothing but anger and shame!” Keith pressed his index finger to Shiro’s chest. “I tried to convince my self that the choice was mine and only mine. I’m just an asshole who’s trying to wash away your shame and guilt.”

Shiro remained speechless, and when Keith started to pick up the pieces of his armor, he had to swallow the big bump forming in his throat. The real fight awaited him on the Castle, and he was coming with bare hands.

“Now, take me home!” Keith called with his arms full of Shiro’s Paladin suit. He stepped forward to the Black Lion. “I want to see Red!”

Shiro knew the forgiveness has to be deserved and right before him, waited a long road. As a soldier and one of the defenders of the universe, he always had to make the hardest choice. The pain was still present, but fading away like a ghost, while the wounds on Keith’s soul were eternal, and he – Takashi Shirogane was supposed to be the balm, a small plaster on a too big wound.

 


	2. My windows are black, what's the color of the sun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, this's chapter is longer, but as you can see, I'm still a bit stupid in English.  
> Anyways, I hope I can finish this story soon.

In the open space, it was always a problem with how to recognize day and night. Keith spent one month on a planet with beautiful sunrise and magnificent sunset. The sky was orange, gold, red and sometimes even green. It was beautiful. The clouds looked soft, the wind was warm, and water was cold and refreshing. He missed Ophelia. He missed Earth.

It took him only one month to get fully accustomed to Ophelia. Suddenly, Keith understood, that a planet, a solid ground under his feet was the thing he missed the most. He could spend his life there with Shiro, of course, if Shiro wanted to.

Keith suffered from the lack of sleep. He couldn’t close his eyes because the ship was too loud and space was too black, and Shiro was both of that; loud and black. Allura claimed that stress causes Shiro's snoring. Well, who was not stressed out on this ship?

This night wasn’t an exception. Keith sat at the table in the kitchen. Steam from his tea warmed his face. He tried to resist the urge not to smash the whole kitchen. Everything was too loud and cold. Before he left, he had no idea how much annoying Lance can be. He tried to avoid his look and doesn't want to talk to him because Lance might say something that would encourage his anger, but Lance was like the water, he always found a way.

Like now.

“Keith,” Lance whispered his name dramatically, “dude, why are you not sleeping?!”

“Because!” He slammed his fist on the table. _Angry Keith is the only Keith._

“Shiro will freak out man! I don’t like when Shiro is freaking out! It’s dangerous! He doesn’t yell, but he starts to speak fast and dramatically! He would be a great actor and…”

“Shut up Lance!” Keith stood up. His chair fell on the floor. There was not enough of tea that could make Keith stay and listen to Lance. When he stormed out from the Kitchen, Lance was yelling after him. The only words that were able to catch Keith’s attention were _why you are still so angry?!_ Keith almost punched the wall.

_Or maybe you should punch yourself._

The rest of the night was peaceful. Keith locked himself inside the Red Lion. When Keith returned to the Castle ship, he immediately went to see Red. The lion was cold and didn’t want to respond him. The anger in Keith has changed from orange to pearl red. Everything was red and hot.

It took him the whole week to make up with Red. She was still uncomfortable, but she couldn’t help, and every time Keith showed up, she purred. She was his and Keith were hers. But Keith very quickly figured out, that Red is angry with Shiro. Keith fell asleep with words like _a Mexican telenovela_ on his mind.

 

Keith woke up due to an unknown shaking. He almost fell off the chair because Red was walking. Keith braced himself in the chair. He looked outside through the window to see angry Shiro standing in front of Red.

“Red, please, I know he acts like a demonic army commander, but it’s still Shiro. It’s alright.” Keith stood up from his chair when Red finally calmed down. The lion sat down and waited until he went out.

“Tell me; you were not sleeping in the lion again!” Shiro was angry. Of course he was, and of course, his anger was quiet, because Shiro simply didn’t know how to yell at Keith. He could raise his voice, shout commands, but he never yelled when they argued about their personal issues.

“I was,” Keith replied, “it’s the only place I can sleep peacefully.” The worst thing about this whole situation with Shiro and their baby was that Keith felt useless and weak. These two monstrous feelings were the oil burning in his flame of Keith’s anger.

“Keith, it’s not comfortable, and it’s cold. You’ll catch a cold and your body will hurt.” Shiro took him by the hand. “You’re cold.” His gray eyes wandered around his face.

“You’re pale.” Shiro’s fingers brushed his bangs from his eyes, “you look tired. Have you ate something?”

“I'm all right.” Keith lowered his head, and Shiro’s fingers slipped off his hair. He could feel how Shiro tensed.

“Keith how long—”

“As long as I want!” he looked into Shiro’s eyes, “why do you always ask this?! You think I will just brush it off if you will ask me again and again?! Are you tired of waiting already? Well damn! I have waited a whole month, so face it!” Keith freed his hand from Shiro’s grasp.

“I don't want to wait; I want to make things right as soon as possible. I'm not here to hurt you! I'm your lover, your best friend, your family, and father of your child. I can be whoever you want me to be."

 _Big words don’t make a man_. Keith shook his head. There was nothing more pathetic than Shiro’s way making things easier. Keith wanted to scream. He wanted to fall, find the dark pit of hell and die there. _I am not that weak. I don’t need any of that._ He just wanted time. He wanted something he lost a long time ago. He wanted Shiro's trust.

“I know you are. I know you are a lot of things, but you made it go away. You forced me to go away.” _you left me._

 _“But you don’t understand, that Shiro made a right decision!”_ Allura was angry. Everybody was angry because of the way Keith was handling their problems.They always took Shiro’s side, because Shiro was always right. Keith felt like a satellite; he couldn’t let go of Shiro, he couldn’t make his way. Shiro was always there.

 

_“Keith if I don’t make it out of here, I want you to lead Voltron.”_

_“Well, yeah, you want me to lead Voltron. It’s always about what you want.”_

_“Please, trust me, Keith.”_

 

Keith folded arms over his chest. Now he wanted nothing else but get Shiro down on his knees to beg him, if he wanted to make things right as soon as possible. He could’ve to die somewhere on the planet, something could’ve eaten him, or something could’ve happened to their child. And nobody would be there to help him.

_Christ, you are crazy Shiro. We are such a crazy couple._

Keith wanted to run to the training room, lock himself and let the gladiator beat the shit out of him. But he couldn't, there were too many things he couldn't do now. His child breathes the same oxygen as the wildfire in his core.

“Damnit Shiro!” Keith got nervous. “I am pregnant for fuck sake!”

Right.

“Keith—“

“I’m sorry I punched you, back then on Ophelia, and I’m sorry I’m such a vulgar asshole, I didn’t want to insult you or hurt you!” Keith inhaled sharply, “but sometimes, _just sometimes_ you act like an _asshole_!”

Keith buried his face in his palms. That crucial point was back, his anger was back, eating his veins and his brain like a fire _._ _Just hide your shame, hide your face, hide your transparent tears, nothing in you is real._ He ran fingers through his hair and sighed. There was universe around him, problems bigger than the whole solar system and he was selfish, again, yes, selfish, because his love was selfish, he loved with his whole body. He was devoted and disassembled into pieces, as a planet at its birth – just pieces of burning rocks.

“I’m so sorry, Keith.” Shiro folded his arms, his fingers were crushing his own biceps. He clenched his jaws and looked away. “I just wanted to protect you.”

“That’s it!" You’re trying to make me feel guilty. This is wrong.”

“I don’t! I can’t make you feel guilty Keith! Only you can make yourself feel guilty.”

_Damn._

There had to be a reason why Keith felt as if he lost a part of himself. It was as if Shiro knew, all the time, which there was something broken in Keith. It was like a thin foil, transparent and very close fitting to his face, he couldn’t breathe through it.

_You are lovely, red and suffocated._

Keith, as always fell, into a pit full of orange flames. Instead of words, there was just loud breathing and rapid heart beating. Why should he feel guilty? That’s for people who have failed.

“This is the old song about; _how Keith screwed up_.” Keith’s mind occupied memories of the Garrison. The very first time he got into a fight he broke Sherman’s nose. He just gave him a solid head-butt. Shiro stopped him. That was their first meeting. Keith was all dramatic, while Shiro was laughing; _you’re kind of funny when you’re angry_. But year after year, Keith’s anger became deeper and stronger, he was now an adult, and his anger was the dangerous mix of deprivation and egoism.

“Shiro, who do you want me to be?”

“You.”

 _That’s the problem_ Keith thought. He felt as the distance between them was spreading wide like wings, tearing them apart.

“Who am I, then?”

Shiro’s answer was fast, he replied without thinking; “Headstrong, tough, smart and flexible in action.”

“What about…” Keith stretched out his back, hands high above his head, “loving, trustworthy, caring…” he slowly exhaled because of the pain in his lower back.

Shiro smiled. There was something magical around Keith. His emotions were like a warm wind. It could decrease and increase according to pressure.

“D _on't push these buttons randomly only because you're confused. It will blow you away.”_

“Describe me in only one word.”

“Unpredictable.”

Keith pursed his lips for a moment, then he licked them, bitten his bottom lip and sighed. Yeah, _that’s it._

“I like it.”

“We’re together so long, Keith,” Shiro said with tiredness present in his eyes, “and there are still things I don’t know about you. It’s mutual, I know and that’s why I want to be better for you.”

“You’re right,” Keith agreed.

“Keith, I don’t want us to blame each other. This is not us.” Shiro stroked his cheek. “I need you. I’ll be good, better for you.”

 _Better_. Keith wanted to say, that Shiro is already good, he’s more than good, and their current situation doesn’t change the fact, which Keith loves him. He still would fight the universe because of Shiro. Keith just felt into his madness where pride and his EGO were the main reasons why not to give up their fight. He just didn’t want to be second, and at the same time, he knew there was not a chance he could win over the safety of the universe.

 _Selfish, you are selfish again, Keith. Stop._ The voice in his head was getting louder.

“We are better than this, Keith.”

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat. The whole situation was stupid. He felt pathetic, so dry, and wasted. He didn't want to force Shiro.

“I have a problem with myself, I just… I'm scared of losing you.” Keith bowed his head.

_Hug me, please._

“I’m here to listen; I’m always here for you. I've told you, I won't let you feel alone.”

“Shiro I don’t want to be angry with you. I know it's me. It’s always me.”

Keith swallowed his tears for the last time. Shiro took his face in his hands and kissed him. The kiss was soft and warm. Keith opened his mouth and closed his eyes. Only a moment later, Keith’s arms were wrapped tightly around Shiro’s neck. Their kiss was a slow dance of their tongues. One of Shiro’s hands was resting on his small belly, warm and calming. It was their first kiss after their ways parted during the fight.

 

_“You’re too cheesy sometimes.”_

_“I’m the proudest cheeseburger, baby.”_

_“Oh god, Shiro.”_

 

“Let’s eat, we can talk after we eat.” Shiro kissed his cheek a pressed tighter to Keith’s body. “God I want to squeeze you like a pillow.”

“You have the worst comparisons.”

 

It has changed nothing. Keith was still reserved. He didn’t talk too much. Allura was sending negative vibrations during the whole lunch. Keith knew what she wanted to say, and it was true, but Keith was Keith, he was angry, and his recent awakening revealed that he was mad at himself.

Hunk was the only person who didn’t talk about his problem with Shiro. Maybe he was patiently waiting for Keith to tell him what’s going on. The tension in the dining room was too strong. It was as if Keith eating his brown and yellow cake made Allura nervous; as if he had no right to sit with them at the same table. Shiro did the right thing. Yeah, of course, he was only Keith, he was too crazy to sacrifice himself for others. It clearly wasn’t enough for her.

“I have enough of this shit!” Keith stood up from the table. He didn’t wait for their reaction.

He furiously stepped inside his room and before the door even managed to close his fist slammed the punching bag hanging from the ceiling.

“Fuck!” he grabbed the bag with both hands as he rested his forehead on the leather. _Why I can’t be better than this?_

“Keith, babe.” Shiro was right behind him. He didn’t wait for him to calm down. He just reached for Keith’s left arm and pulled him closer to his chest.

Keith was lost in his emotions. He desperately tried to search for a constant feeling. Shiro was holding the unstable pieces of his body in one defective part like a magician, playing with the hottest flame, with the white flame of love. Keith was red and red was his anger. White, was his love, the strongest feeling that shattered his body into pieces.

_“Shiro, you’re like my gravity, you’re holding me together.”_

“I don’t know what to do.” Keith pressed his face in the crook of Shiro’s neck. “Fuck I don’t know Shiro.”

“You know Allura; she needs some time to cool down.”

“It’s not about that. You know what's the problem.”

Shiro tensed. He was alarmed, because if Keith had found another way how to destroy himself, Shiro could quickly fall with him down into the pit full of needles. He was ready to take all the blame. Keith needed to be saved.

 

_“Shiro! I can fight!”_

_“You’re in the second month you can’t!”_

_“Who’s in the second month?!”_

_“Nobody.”_

 

Lies. It was their lies.

Such a small lie and you know, it will be only bigger. Keith was nervous, he couldn’t breathe, and when the Galra soldiers were all around them, Shiro lost his nerves. He yelled, he told the team about the whole truth. Just take him somewhere, he’s carrying my child! Allura was yelling at Keith and Lance tried to cover him. Keith thought he’s going to die. He would rather die by Galra’s hand than experiencing the humiliation. I just disappointed them.

“I’m the Red Paladin, Shiro.” Keith tensed. His muscles hurt. And then, it wasn’t funny; it wasn’t even bad, but disgusting, he threw up on Shiro. His yellow and brown cake ended up on Shiro’s black tank top.

“I’m sorry,” Keith coughed. The sour taste on his tongue provoked another wave of nausea.

“It’s alright; it’s okay.” Shiro took off his tank top. He was used for worse. “Babe, come on, I’ll get you to the bathroom.”

Keith was heavier than Shiro remembered. “I should marry you.” Shiro laughed when he picked him up bridal style.

“Do you want me to throw up all over you again?” Keith felt tired, weak and his feet hurt. Shiro's jokes were not helping him. “Don’t talk like that.”

“If you need to throw up again, then do it.

“Gross, you’re just so gross Shirogane.” Keith rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. “We smell like vomit.”

“Yeah, because you’ve just vomited.”

“I never have vomited before.”

“I don't believe you, baby, you’re pregnant.”

“I didn’t.”

“Such a lie.” Shiro sat him down on the stool. The bathroom was small, with only a shower, no bathtub for the pregnant one. Keith exhaled slowly. He was pale and cold.

“Alright baby, just stay with me. I’m calling Coran and Pidge to help us. I totally forgot we have no bathtub. This is awful.”

Keith closed his eyes. He felt sick, his stomach was full and heavy, even though it was empty. It was not a morning sickness; it was the anger, stress, and depression. Suddenly, Keith forgot how to feel angry; he was scared. Shiro was kneeling next to him, stroking his hair, trying to calm him down. But all his words were just a big mess, Keith couldn’t concentrate on Shiro. What if there’s no baby anymore?!

_You’ll survive, you’re the Red Paladin._

 

Keith woke up in the infirmary. The bed was too warm and small because Shiro was pressed to his side like a big baby. But what was most important, the pain was gone. He immediately reached for his belly. It was there, small and dense as always.

_God dammit, so this is the real fear._

Keith looked at Shiro. He was sleeping half naked, and his feet were bare and cold, pressed against Keith's calves. Keith still could move around; his belly wasn’t that big, so he rolled on his side, facing Shiro.

“You’re kinda cute when you snore.” Keith smiled. Shiro had a small wrinkle between his eyebrows, and on top of that, he was pouting and soundly snoring.

“And you talk from your sleep,” said Shiro wearily, his eyes still closed.

“I know I do,” Keith pulled his body closer to Shiro. His fingers danced over his shoulder, then up to his neck and face. He rested his palm on his cheek and with his thumb, he stroked Shiro’s cheekbone. “I talk about the secret of life.”

“Liar.” But Shiro had to smile. Who was cheesy now? “You talk about nonsenses like; _no, go away, that’s my lollipop._ ” Shiro imitated his voice.

“What?! No!” Keith squeezed his nose between his fingers.

“Yes, it is.” Shiro’s voice was funny. Finally, he opened his eyes. “You feel better? Could you let go of my nose? Please?”

“No.”

“How no?!” Shiro reached for his hand and laced their fingers; then he kissed the back of his hand. “Do you feel better?”

“Yes, I’m not even tired.”

Shiro smiled, his eyes were sparkling when Keith looked into them with his big violet eyes. They were like gates to fairyland.

“You have stressed out Keith. You lack vitamins and minerals.” Shiro lifted himself on his forearm. They exchanged looks.

“Suddenly, you look so serious,” Keith rolled onto his back, “do you want me to say what’s really on your mind?”

Shiro’s eyes were still shining, but Keith didn’t know if these small white sparkles were good or they were reflecting the one of the most dangerous things - remorse. He prayed, begged; _just let Shiro love me as much as I love him._

“I…” Shiro resigned. He bowed his head. “You were right. It was too long. It wasn’t the best solution to send you away. It was the only solution with which I was able to come. It was not the best. That's why you are angry because I wasn’t the best, I was only good.”

Keith closed his eyes. The lump in his throat was back. _God fuck._ Keith buried his face into his palms.

_Just let it go._

“I’m sorry Keith, I should’ve come earlier. I’m…" Shiro sighed. "I can’t even say how much I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

“Are you trying to make me angry?” Keith just mumbled into his hands.

“No, Keith, I just realized how dangerous it was.” Shiro leaned over him, “I just didn’t know how dangerous it was for you to be alone. I was stupid. I disappointed you."

“Back then, everything was stupid and dangerous, Shiro.” Keith ran his hand through his hair. His eyes were watching the ceiling. “You didn't disappoint me, we both were just selfish.”

“It’s not only your fault.” Keith continued. He knew that it makes no sense to deny something that was true, only because he didn’t want to admit that he was partly wrong. His stubbornness was the main reason why Shiro was stressed. He didn’t want to make their lives even more difficult. But it still hurt, he was aware that their position of paladins doesn’t give them space to think. _Think fast, cut only once._

“I had a choice, Shiro. I could’ve to stay, I could’ve to resist, but I didn’t. It was your demand, but my choice. It’s always about a choice.”

“Well,” Shiro stayed almost speechless, “well, I…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Keith felt as the burden on his shoulders was slowly falling, piece by piece. “I know my anger blinds me sometimes. We both were wrong. I was angry because you sent me away, and you were angry because I was a burden. I was very much just a burden.”

Burden.

“Keith!” Their gaze met and Shiro started to talk.

“Listen to me!” he spoke quietly and emphasized every word. “Since we both know each other, there was not a single time you were a burden to me. You are who you are! You are a precious and very valuable person. It’s not about you being a paladin or the Blade of Marmora, not even being a part of Galra. It does not define you. Being pregnant doesn’t mean you are my burden. It’s our thing, our baby. I have the same responsibilities as you have.” he rested his forehead against Keith’s and closed his eyes.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

“I can see myself through your actions.” Keith embraced him around the neck. He closed his eyes, tried not to be too emotional. “I know you care.”

Shiro smiled, he opened his eyes again and kissed Keith’s temple.  
_"We don’t have to fight like this."  
_ The hot blood running through their veins was in the same shade and but at a different temperature.

“We are the same, but you Shiro, you’re just so tired, and I’m so sorry.” Keith almost whispered. His voice was full of sorrow and tenderness and yet he still couldn’t say _I love you._

Keith looked into Shiro's eyes. They were too close. Shiro was still leaning over him. Keith just wanted to grab him, pull him on his body. He wanted to feel his warm skin, all the touches that turned him on. Keith desired to be the little sparkle in the pitch black night, the first spark in the dark void. Anger and love were two different things, and Keith was rolling between them like a baby; he wanted them both, he cried because of both. _Love me, but love me angry, love me with red._

“We can’t.” it was Shiro’s voice that brought him back to reality. The duvet ended up abandoned on the floor, and Keith had no idea how he managed to pull Shiro over his body. His legs were spread open, and Shiro was between his tights. It was a sight for the gods. _Thank you, God, thank you again for creating Shiro._

“Shiro…” Keith exhaled slowly. He licked his lips, eyelids half closed.

“No.”

“I’m bulletproof.”

“I’ve already shot you once. You’re not bulletproof.”

“Shot me twice, I love it.” Keith’s answer was quick. His breathing was fast.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Keith.” Keith’s name rolled on his tongue like honey. Sweet and melted. Keith wanted to cry.

“If you shot me now, it will be without any consequences. As I said, _bulletproof_ ”.

Shiro smiled, and then when Keith lifted his legs and pressed the heels over Shiro’s ass with a smirk and an innocent wink, Shiro just lose the game. He started to laugh. He hung his head low between his shoulders.

“You’re impossible!”

“I’m perfect.”

“Come on Keith, Let go!” Instead of letting go, Keith pulled him closer. Shiro’s crotch cried because of the pressure. But it wasn’t only his dick crying for attention, it was Keith, impossibly beautiful, within reach and warm. His lips are red and wet.

“Just this once.” Shiro dropped down. The work of muscles under his skin was amazing, the god’s creation. “I know what you want.”

And oh _god,_ he was right. Keith closed his eyes when Shiro pulled up his shirt, and his tongue circled his sensitive nipple. Keith was a mess. He was lost in time. Behind his closed eyes, there was only the sparkling. _This is wrong Keith_ , but he wasn’t listening to his mind. Both of them lost in the circle of pleasure. One month without each other made them both begging. The resistance was almost zero.

Shiro pressed his cock inside him with ease, not too deep not too hard. Their lovemaking was soft, loving and full of hard sighs. He loved to be occupied between Keith’s smooth tights, they were strong, and he dug his nails into the pale skin. Left him marked. Shiro pressed harder, he bit his lower lip, tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The lovemaking was slow and veery careful. Shiro's self-control was unbelievable.

 

_“What’s your worst nightmare, Keith?”_

_“To give up. Yours?”_

_“Not being able to give up.”_

 

After their lovemaking, Shiro had no idea if Keith is still angry, or he’s willing to move on. After all, they only talked about how hard and difficult their situation is. No solution. Again.


	3. Press your lips on my wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate if you leave me a comment. I want to know how I'm doing with the story.

  _"Shiro, I’m pregnant.”_

_“Like, now and here?”_

_“No, tomorrow and in the kitchen.”_

 

Keith was not impressed when his pregnancy test came out positive. He sighed, walked around his room in endless circles. There was a possibility for him, to abandon the child. The question tortured him every day, and won't let him sleep at night. He had a long conversation with Shiro and Coran about his baby. A long nightmare he was feeding on like and infant. After some days, he helped the issue grow to a proper adult. Shiro was shocked, asked him irrelevant questions. Both agreed that they would keep it as a secret. But not too long.

But it was past. Days of darkness and self-hatred were gone. Gone, but not too faraway. 

“I want to talk about it.” Keith was resting in a chair in the kitchen.

“Eat!” Shiro sipped from his mug. Altean tea was as sour as always.

“I want to talk about what happened during the fight with Galras.”

Shiro leaned against the table, mug still in his hand. “Food first.”

“I can eat and talk.” He moved his bowl closer. The green pudding full of necessary vitamins as Coran said, smelled disgusting, like old socks.

“I won’t stress you again.”

“I’m stressed out because we don’t talk about it.”

“Food first, then we can talk. I’ll be here.”

Keith sighed again. He would prefer wooden chips for food.

“I want an apple pie,” Keith put his spoon in his mouth.

“I know it doesn’t taste good but…”

"It tastes like spinach." Keith sighed again. "I can't believe spinach exist even here in the deeper than the dark universe."

Shiro smiled and put away his cup on the table. Keith wasn't the only one who was tired. After the war had ended, Shiro felt a burden that dropped down from his shoulders. He now didn't need to be alert, and his body gradually began to relax. Under layers of anxiety, fear and restlessness were hiding horrible fatigue.

Shiro stood behind his lover, and gently, he pressed his fingers against the sore muscles. He squeezed his shoulders and slowly inhaled the warm air.

Keith dropped the spoon into his bowl and leaned against the chair. He closed his tired eyes, both of his hands resting on his small belly.

No words were needed. Shiro's fingers were massaging the right spots; his shoulders and neck, slowly releasing the tension of his nape and head.

Shiro leaned down and brushed the hair from his neck. His lips were soft on Keith's neck. Every time he touched or kissed Keith's skin he felt like a tourist; always wanting to see more, touching him and knowing everything.

"Feels good?" his words were a whisper, a silent question that didn't need an answer.

"Takashi, are you trying to transform me into jelly?" Keith groaned weakly.

"If that's what would help you to fall asleep..."

"No, you've promised me the big talk."

Shiro went silent. His lips were no longer touching Keith's neck or ear.    

He squeezed his shoulder harder and almost painfully.

"Good," Keith didn't even flinch, he was still melting under Shiro's hands. "Your hands are so warm."

Shiro gave a short look at his metal arm; it was absorbing the heat of Keith's body. For a moment his dead part of the body could feel the human warmth and life.

"I love touching you. If I could choose, I would touch you every second of our lives."

A peaceful life wasn't present in Keith's vocabulary. He always had to fight, had to try to find the balance between his life and the world. If he could compare his life to something, it would be a maze. He wasn't sure where the middle of the maze was, or what was there. He was walking around, blindly, trying to hold onto his senses.

"I need to talk to you, Takashi," Keith opened his eyes, "I'm the red paladin if this information has managed to escape your mind."

"Calling me Takashi two times in a row," Shiro smiled, "I don't know, maybe I'm getting confused, I don't know who's name are you calling."

"Being witty isn't what I need from you." Thanks to all gods Shiro couldn't see Keith's pout. It lasted only tree seconds.

"I've told you, we'll have the talk, but food first."

"It's not my fault that you're distracting me from the spinach." Keith took the spoon in his hand. No, it didn't taste as good as spinach.

"Eat." Shiro.

"I don't think this food suits me. It's green."

Shiro laughed. He immediately imagined Pidge's impassive face. Every color has its meaning, and for Keith, the red color was the color of the universe.

"Well, we can ask Coran and Allura, if we could stop at the Mall."

"Are you kidding me?" Keith turned to face Shiro, "we're wanted dead or alive."

"Oh, a real cowboy."

"Takashi I swear to god..." Keith stood up with his bowl.

"Whoa, whoa, what do you think you're doing young man?" Shiro folded his arm over the chest. "Finish your food!"

"I can't! It's cold, and it tastes like iron." Keith whimpered, but the truth was, he didn't have the heart to throw away the food. His childhood took place in poor conditions. Besides, he was pregnant now.

"That's good because you need iron." Shiro rubbed his back between the shoulder blades. "Come on baby. No food, no talk."

"Sucker!" Keith cast a glance at him.

"I'm good at what I'm doing. Always." Shiro kissed his neck again. A small smile appeared on his face when Keith's body shivered. He embraced his body from behind, both of his palms resting on Keith's belly. He started to slow dancing them.

_"Darling, if you leave, I'll never make it alone..."_

"Shiro..." Keith laughed. "Are you singing Beatles to me?"

_"Oh darling, please don't leave me, I'll never let you down, and please, believe me, when I tell you I'll never do you no harm."_

"Someone will hear you. It's awkward." Keith rested the back of his head on Shiro's shoulder.

"It's classical music, no one will know." Shiro dipped his nose into his silky hair. With a smile, he nuzzled his nose against hair strands.

"I'm not counting?" He took both of Shiro's hands and spun himself under his arm to face him.

"We're dancing without music." Shiro smiled.

"We're awkward." Keith buried his face into his shoulder.

"It's alright to be awkward. We're in love."

"Why are you so cheesy? I don't understand, you've never been like this." Keith mumbled into his neck.

"I've told you, I'm in love."

"God dammit Takashi!" Keith closed his eye so he could better enjoy Shiro's presence; the soft fabric of Shiro's black shirt, his warm skin and his scent. No message was able to overwhelm the cast of the immediate vicinity. Keith's body relaxed, his shoulder dropped, and his breathing has stabilized.

_"It's like you're controlling my feelings. It's oddly satisfying."_

_"Control is good, but only a self-control. Never allow someone to control your feelings."_

 

"It's a big deal, I know," Shiro rested his cheek on the crown of his head. "You're the red paladin Keith, and you always will be."

Keith tensed for a moment. Shiro was still leading him to the imaginary song. He gasped. There it was again, the feeling of nausea. It wasn't as the last time when Shiro suddenly appeared on Ophelia. It was stronger and confusing. It turned the sun into a moon, gold into silver; still shining, still on the light side, but with a dark look in his eyes.

"Are you being honest Takashi? Do you mean what you've just said?"

"I do."

"If something would happen, if..." Keith clenched his jaws.

"It's on you, Keith. Recently you told me, that it's always about a choice and I'm making one right now. If you think you can make it, then so be it."

Keith felt his stomach squealing and spinning. It was not the food it was the situation. Shiro giving him the freedom he wanted, the feeling that Shiro, maybe, thought he doesn't need him and his advice.

 

_This is insane._

 

"What have I learned about you is, that you need your space and time. Pushing you brings only anger and tears."

They stopped moving. Keith opened his eyes, heart pounding wildly in his chest, trying to catch all the feelings that exposed his body. 

 

_I think, he just moved, I don't know, he just moved away from me. Just for a centimeter, but he did._

 

The space Shiro just created between them seemed to be big and cold as a hole in a frozen lake. Keith wanted to embrace the void between them, tried to jump over the gap, make space whole again.

"This is not what I wanted!" Keith pulled away from his warm body. "I... when..." He started to panic.

"Keith, it's alright, I'm not going anywhere." Shiro cupped his face in his hands and kissed his temple. "I'm here with you. You're not going to lose me."

"I know that what you said it's true, but..." Keith avoided his look.

Wordlessly Shiro pulled him back to the hug.

"It doesn't change anything between us. There's no need to be scared. I'll always be here for you."

Space didn't always provide freedom. For Keith, it was too much of void between him and Shiro, and the word that was crawling after him like a monster was now almost tattooed all over his soul: loneliness.

"I don't need space, just... don't rush me, I'll be alright."

 

_He already said that._

 

God, he wanted to cry.

"Did I say something I shouldn't?" Shiro tried to look in his face, but Keith lowered his head, and the hair hid the rest of his face. "I'm sorry."

"You," Keith replied, "You've always been too far away."

"You've been lost for more than a year, and then, we separated for another month. It's too much."

"I'm sorry." Shiro pulled him back into his arms, his human fingers caressing the long strands of hair on his neck.

"Even when you're close enough, you're too far away. I know my logic is stupid, but I just..." Keith clenched his nails into the fabric of Shiro's top.

"I can't lose you again, neither physically nor mentally."

 

_Just scream, let them all know how you feel._

 

It was not anger, but despair. Shiro was everything he had, the biggest star in the sky, the bright side of the moon. Keith was a lonely man, in his past, he gained only material things. He held his feelings locked deep inside his chest; every heartbeat was like a password, it continued to encrypt his soul.

"I've always wanted to tell you..." Keith took a deep breath. For a second he forgot what he wanted to say. The faint fragrance of Shiro's body flooded his senses like a morning sunlight.

"Warm, you're the warmest human being." Keith couldn't help but put his most sacred feeling into words.

"I don't think that my metal arm is..."

"Hush," Keith silenced him, "you are, so remember this moment when I opened myself for you."

There was a pregnant pause. Keith felt how the embrace tightened around him. Shiro hid his face between the black strands of hair, like a kid, slowly breathing, but loud enough to let Keith know, that something went wrong.

"It's wrong," Keith almost whispered, "that we talk only about me."

"Keith _I_ —"

"I know you, Takashi. Nobody knows you better than me. You're strong enough to defend the universe, but you're losing the battle with yourself. Maybe I sound crazy, and... here in this kitchen, I'm stripping myself to the core, but... we need it."

The unborn child.

Everything was evolving around the life inside of Keith. They have created a whole new world, breathing with vivid heart - a small moon orbiting Keith.

"I believe, you're going to be an amazing dad. You always take care of us, and I only think about myself. When you said that you'd provide me enough space so I can make my choices, I just realized, that my choices will affect our baby. It's our baby, not mine, but ours."

Shiro peppered his neck with small kisses, wet enough to let Keith know they were real.

"I want you to know that you're not alone when making difficult decisions. I'm always here, and if we fuck up something, it will be _'us'_ not _you,_ or _me_."

Shiro's inside cracked like a walnut. The hit was so hard that he could feel as his insecurity crushed his lungs, trying to leave his body and set him free.

"You believe in me, that's all I wanted."

Keith carefully slipped out of his embrace with a smile on his face. All he ever wanted was a person he could make happy, just one person in the whole universe.  Shiro's eyes were like a cloudy sky that sheltered him from the scorching sun in the desert - it brought him relief.

"You've never asked for a thing, Keith." Shiro Kissed his lips, "not a single thing. I've never seen you ask for something."

"Well, I'm not good at asking," he smiled, "and the thing that I miss the most right now it's just too far away. Anyways, people don't like me. It's a..." Keith lowered his head. "You know..."

"I think, you're not giving yourself enough credits." Shiro laced their fingers. "You've surprised me. Lately, you don't talk much."

"I was always too much talkative in the Garrison."

"That was in the Garrison, not here. Things have changed, haven't they?"

"After you left to Kerberos I haven't had anyone to talk with. I just closed myself and... it's different now." Keith cocked his head and sighed.

"You're even more amazing." Playfully, Shiro poked his cheek.

"What"? Keith laughed, "that's not even possible."

 

When Keith finally got to the training room, Pidge was already there. She held a wooden staff, trying to spin it between her fingers. The stick slipped from her fingers and fell on her foot.

"Damnit!"

"Well, that was one impressive move." Keith placed his hands on his hips.

Pidge picked up her staff "your belly is pretty big for; what are you, at the beginning of the fourth month?"

"I had a big breakfast." Keith felt awkward, immediately he crossed hi arms over the chest and cleared his throat.

"Did you eat the green vegetables? They taste like spinach."

"Yeah, well..." Keith slowly stepped forward. "What about no food talk? My stomach is a timing bomb."

"Alright," Pidge smiled, "are you sure we can continue with my training?"

"Of course. You don't need me to demonstrate you every move. You're good enough."

Keith took one of the training staff and waited for Pidge. He rested a palm on his belly. Three months wasn't a big deal, and he climbed over the first trimester, but still, he was afraid of what could happen.

"Keith, if you're not sure, " Pidge interrupted the flow of his thoughts, "if you don't feel well we don't have to do this."

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind."

As soon as they started to exercise, the door to the hall has opened. Lance was standing there with his hands on his hips. Neither of the two noticed him. Pidge tried to focused on Keith's every move. They were moving slow, every hit visible and clear for Pidge's eyes.

"Lance, what are you doing here?" Keith asked without looking at him.

"To see you fall, of course."

"Lance if you're going to be nothing but an annoying orange, then leave!" Pidge lost her balance and almost fell on the floor. Keith threw away his stick and caught her on time.

"You're interrupting us!" Pidge frowned.

"Well, I'm just following orders," Lance chuckled.

"Again." Keith took his staff from Pidge.

"Shiro told me to have my sharpshooter eyes on you!" He pointed finger-gun at Keith and shot. "Bang."

Keith didn't respond. He closed his mind, eyes only at Pidge and her weapon. She was fast, but she failed in reading moves. Keith was slow, too slow for his taste.

"You're pretty good for a novice." Keith dropped the stick on the floor. He pulled the red rubber band from his wrist and tied his hair.

"Are you kidding me? I can beat you anytime!" With a fast pace, he walked to Keith.

"Lance, he's pregnant, stop fooling around."

Keith was faster than Pidge thought. He pressed the tip of his boot to the wooden staff and kicked it up to his hand.

"You're going to help me!" Keith stated and put the weapon into Lance's hand.

"Pidge needs someone who shows her how fast her enemy could be and I can't do that with the balloon under my shirt."

Lance was watching him with a skeptical look. It could be a trap or a bad joke. He looked at Pidge who just smiled. She didn't wear her glasses.

"Aren't you like blind?" Lance bend forward with his index finger prepared to poke Pidge's forehead when she tapped him on the head with the stick.

"Lance!" Keith sighed. "I've given you a simple task."

"Watch your blood pressure," Lance waved his hand. "Now, now, Pidge, I'll show you how a real warrior fights."

"I don't think this was a good idea, Keith." Said Pidge.

"Start with slow moves," Keith rested his hand on Lance's shoulder when the door has opened again. This time it was Hunk who was running with a big smile straight toward to Keith.

"Here you are, uncle Hunk is here, nobody will hurt you." Hunk dropped on his knees, pressing his ear to Keith's small belly.

"Hunk?!" Keith tapped his food on the floor, "what are you doing?!"

"Shh, I'm listening to a miracle."

"Hunk!" Keith tried again, even more impatient.

"Oh, right, I've just thought we all, you know, we are a family?" Hunk tilted his head. He looked at Keith with sparkling eyes.

"Of course," Keith sighed, today for the hundredth time.

"I think, I'm making you very uncomfortable." Hunk stated with a smile.

Keith just raised an eyebrow, watching Hunk to retreating from him on his knees like a little kid.

"Alright," Keith stretched his back, "Hunk you can help too."

"Really? I love helping!"

"Right, now you're helping Shiro, aren't you?"

"Keith that was cruel, I'm here because I like you."

"Well, it's not like I don't believe you, but don't try me, I'm a very tough person, I can break you in—"

"Yes, it was Shiro!" Hunk shivered.

"And what is he doing?" Keith walked to the bench and settled down. He opened the protein juice and took a slip. It tastes so bad that he had to surpass the urge of vomit.

"Who knows, you're his husband." Lance poked Pidge with his stick. "I don't want to hurt you Pidge, you're just a novice, and I'm a pro."

"He's not my husband and stop poking her!" Keith rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Voices of his friends started to fade, slowly merging into a single wave.

"Never!"

"Guys I saw Allura in her red dress..."

"You saw her or you were stalking her?!"

"Pidge what the fuck?"

"Lance, my buddy, I think you don't know how to talk to a lady."

"I know how to speak to a lady."

"Sure."

"What was that tone!"

"Nothing."

"Watch me!"

"Lance, Keith is not a lady."

Keith opened his eyes, entirely terrified when Lance was leaning too close to his face. He almost bumped their foreheads.

"Alright, that's enough, I have enough!" Keith pushed Lance away and stood up. "Just go away, both of you."

"Why both of us?" Hunk cried, betrayed by his family.

"Because this asshole is trying to be funny and you're not helping."

"Excuse me? I'm a person who can make laugh dolphins."

"Yeah, they have enough when they see your face." Pidge chuckled.

"It's art making the second most intelligent species laugh!"

"Still your face is better." 

"Traitor!"

"Get out!" Keith raised his voice.

"I'm helping, I'm helping!" Hunk cried again.

"I said get out both of you!"

"I have my orders!" Lance crossed arms over chest, "you can't move me, I'm the heaviest rock, the second Dwayne Johnson."

"The only rock around." Hunk pointed at him.

"Multiple traitors!"

"This is it, I'm out," Keith raised his hands up.

"Thanks, guys, it was my lecture!" Pidge frowned.

"I can teach you!" Lance offered again, "watch my moves."

"You look like an earthworm." Hunk laughed.

 

Keith was gone before they even have managed to notice that he is leaving. Tired of the noisy company, he slowly paced to his room, when suspicious sounds came from Shiro's room: sawing wood and hammering nails. Curious, he pressed his palm to the door sensor. 

Shiro was sitting on the floor, rubbing his chin and reading a manual. Next to him laid boards, nails, and coils.

"Shiro?" the doors behind Keith closed with a silent thud.

"Oh, hey..." Shiro threw his tiny book over his head and smiled. "How do you feel?" It wasn't like he could hide his plans by just throwing a book away when on the floor were lying all the evidence.

"Is this a..."

"So you feel good?" Shiro interrupted, "aren't you hungry?"

"Is this a _be_ \--"

"No!"

"Shiro," Keith smiled, "are you making a cradle?"

"You should've practiced with Pidge," Shiro reached for his arm, "you should do something baby. Why not try to learn how to sew?"

"Answer _me_."

"What about food? You should eat, the good green stuff is waiting for you two."

"I'm not hungry." Keith whined, "come on. I can clearly see, it's a cradle!"

Shiro led him out of the room, talking nonsenses, just to divert attention from his small workshop.

"Maybe you're not, but our smol is hungry, for hundred percent, he's crying." And then Shiro changed his voice, imitating a baby " _Daddy, I want to eat that green Altean stuff with the black Altean tea, it tastes so goood._ "

Keith laughed, pulling Shiro back and right into his embrace. He stretched his arms around his neck.

"What the fuck Shiro?" His laugh died in the crook of Shiro's neck.

"I'm trying to give you a present."

"For me? Not for our smol?" Keith kissed his neck. "Come to bed with me."

"We have a bed?"

"Shiro, stop trying to be funny."

"I'm the funniest dad. The cosmic dust is my vocabulary."

"I have enough of jokes for today."

"It's not a sleepy time, and you haven't eaten yet."

"I've told you, I'm not hungry." Keith sucked the sensitive skin on his neck between his lips and teeth.

Shiro groaned. His arms tensed because of the urge to slam Keith against the wall, against his body, press him, call his name and fall down on his knees so he could bury his face into Keith's lap.

"Food." Shiro kissed his temple.

"It looks beautiful," Keith whispered, his lips softly touching Shiro's skin like flower petals. "Thank you, for the cradle. It's lovely."

 

_Everything about you is lovely._

 

     That night, Keith was restless. His place beside Shiro was cold and uncomfortable. He found himself complaining about his belly because his favorite sleeping position was on his front and the left side. Whispering fuck he stood up from the bed, leaving Shiro silently sleeping in their bed.

The observatory was Keith's favorite place on the ship. The first days on the Castle ship he was almost glued to the big telescope, watching stars and Nebulas. A whole wall of the room was only a big space window. There was Keith always sitting, legs crossed and eyes were watching the purple and gold nebulas disappearing in the distance.

The universe has no horizon.

As time passed, he realized that space is as big as his imagination allows.

Man learns the importance about another human warmth as soon, as he's alone, in the middle of deserted space. But although Keith hated to be alone, to be left behind, he was still searching for peaceful places, where he could open his mind and find an answer.

"There you are." Shiro wearing only his sweatpants has settled down next to him.

"Did I wake you up?" Keith asked.

"You always wake me when you leave the bed."

"Sorry," Keith smiled. He reached for Shiro's shoulder, and carefully he positioned himself under his arm.

"We're flying near to very toxic Nebula," Keith spoke.

"Yellow is fluorine, right?" Shiro's eyes stopped on the small cloud of shining gas.

"A bit of oxygen and we could see a big kaboom!"

Shiro smiled, he pulled Kieth closer to his chest and kissed his crown.

"Yeah."

"Where are we going, Shiro?" Keith rested his head on his shoulder, both of his hands on the belly.

"I don't know. I wish I could tell you." After his reply, Shiro felt the cold handcuffs around his wrists, not being able to run, to scream for help, he was falling back on the Galra ship, where half of his humanity ended up as trash in the form of his right arm.

"Are we lost in the space, or we're just waiting for another asshole who will be trying to take over the universe?"

"Our mission is a lifetime job."

"I know I just wish we had a place we could stay."

Shiro didn't answer. No home, no place to call home, and no ground under their feet. The universe was their dream, and now they want nothing else, but just to find a place to stay.

"I see the universe as a desert." Keith closed his eyes, "you have to search for life."

 

_You're the warmest human being._

 

Shiro leaned back on his palm, slowly and warily he pulled Keith closer to his chest, leading him down on his lap, face each other. When Keith supported himself on his shoulder and sat down on his tights, Shiro wrapped his arms around his waist, locking Keith's arms between their bodies.

"Keith, do you have a favorite constellation?" Shiro kissed his lips. Slowly, pulling the bottom lip between his teeth, not allowing Keith to answer as if he really didn't want to hear his reply.

"Do you think, that on other planets, our sun belongs into a constellation?" More and more kisses were showering Keith's cheek and chin.

Keith closed his eyes, trying to focus on Shiro's voice and not at his wet and loving kisses.

"I've never thought about that," Keith breathed out the question, "Do you think other planets have constellations similar to ours?"

"It's like a space map, so I guess, they do have." Shiro agreed while his lips were traveling down to Keith's throat.

"Then my favorite constellation is that one, where our Sun is present."

"Why?" Shiro stopped kissing his neck.

"Because it's our way home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have an advice for me, I'm on tumblr: [circumstellardust](https://circumstellardust.tumblr.com)


	4. 1. You don't need to feel shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have found a way how to continue this story (I mean it had no storyline just a baby in the belly and cheesy Shiro).  
> The first three chapters are considered as a prolog. Don't worry you will find the connection between them and the story very soon.  
> So, hold your pants, from now on it's going to be only complicated & sexy.  
> Please leave a comment about this chapter. It's very important for me to know what you think.

Two moths have passed. Shiro finished the cradle, and Allura gave them her own pillow and blanket from her baby days. Keith frowned at the silk pillow, but Shiro buried his nose there, saying it smells like grass. Keith asked if she washed it, poking the pillow curiously. Allura threw her hands in the air, telling him, that she's trying to be the best future godmother.

She raised hell, saying it in front of Hunk, Pidge, and Lance. Coran, stroking his mustache agreed with Alllura, explaining why both of them should be the godparents of Keith's baby. Lance frowned, telling them, that he doesn't intend to settle for a position of an uncle.

It was a mess. The castle was just a big mess for Keith who suffered the lack of space, sun, and wind.

The same faces, same rules, same books.

He had to run away.

When Kolivan called that he's going to reveal their Marmora transfer station, so they can talk, Keith put his blade into the leg holster and didn't wait for others to approve his trip.

 

"You're searching for Utopia, and I don't think you can ever find it." Kolivan settled down at the table with tired sight. He rested his forearms on the table and laced his fingers. For a moment he watched only his fingers, trying to find the best words with which he could bring peace to Keith's mind.

"I just think that it's not fair for the kid." Keith stopped pacing around the table like a nervous cat. He braced himself against the chair and cracked his neck.

The Marmora's transfer station was small, but it was moving so fast, that he had a feeling he's traveling on a train, watching flashing lights, as if space was just a big city. The room was cold even when the pale yellow light was trying to bring the sunshine inside.

"She needs a real sunlight, a real wind. She deserves to see the animals, oceans, to feel the grass under her feet."

"You're in a tough position." Kolivan agreed, his eyes still on the desk.

"I can't do a thing for that." Keith stabbed his finger to the wooden table. "I can talk, and beg, but I can't do anything about that."

Kolivan bowed his head between his shoulders. He shook his head and exhaled one long sigh. There was the universe between Keith and his dream. The biggest insuperable obstacle. It was beyond any living creature to understand its size.

Keith just has learned who is he, trying to search for his memories and roots. Being a part of Galra brought a whole new horizon; a dark horizon, where the light was curved and creating a real sunset in the dark space.

“What do you want for her?" Kolivan asked, watching Keith's body posture. "Do you want her to fight until there's no more, or do you want her to create a whole new life?"

Keith took place at the table, slowly spreading his legs making enough space for his unborn child. He gave a short glance at the tin mug with the delicious Galra tea.  He managed to ask for a bag of the Red tea so that he could quit drinking the disgusting green Altean tea. Kolivan assured him that the red tea is full of valuable minerals and vitamins, which every warrior needs.

"In both of your decisions is hope.” said Kolivan.

"But which one is the best?" Keith rested his head on his palm, fingers on his second hand were playing with the mug.

"This question is not only for you to decide."

"I know, I know." Keith sighed, nervously he massaged his achy neck. "I'm doing it again, right? Making choices by myself."

"You're good at that," Kolivan smirked.

"Oh fuck you," Keith smiled and moved the mug closer.

"You're still second in command," there was not even a trace of Kolivan's smile, "even though you're a Galra and pregnant."

Keith tensed. His nightmare just has created its reflection in reality. He couldn't say it aloud, but deep inside of his mind was a pattern - a pattern that scared him to death. Nobody knew about his nightmare that one day, maybe, he could become a part of the evil empire. Once Kolivan had told him, that Galra blood is like acid, too dangerous for games, and only those who had a strong self-control can bring their blood in peace with the universe.

Zarkon was not one of them.

"You're mixing your acid blood with an alkali, Keith. The true balance in your blood is crucial. Learn when to use your Galra blood to fight the evil, and when to use your human blood to protect the good."

Keith whined, like a child who had to resolve the mystery of the universe. It was not a secret for Kolivan that Keith had a problem to focus on a simple task, while when it comes to hard choices or dangerous battle maneuvers, he could pull the best out of himself.

"This is why you are second in command," Kolivan reached his eyes, "you just have to learn some—“ 

"Self-discipline, I know." Keith rolled his eyes. "But isn't the universe just one chaotic mess? And it still rules our lives although it doesn't know its end."

"And do you know, where's your end?" 

"I don't even know where my beginning is." Keith brought the mug to his lips. He slipped from the tea, letting the taste devour his senses, and then he swallowed.

"But you know who you are; you told me that during the Marmora trial. The blade wouldn't react if you weren't sure about yourself." Now it was Kolivan who tensed. His sharp jaws have clenched. 

"I knew it back then." Keith started to draw invisible pictures on the desk by his finger: only lines, circles, and spirals. His eyes were lost somewhere in the space and time, not looking at what his hand was creating.

"But now, I wish, I could think straight like before."

"Let Shiro help you."

"I'm letting him—“ 

"Then what are you doing here?"

Kolivan's question stabbed him right in the lungs. Keith exhaled and closed his eyes. He was tired, so tired, that he couldn't come up with an answer to Kolivan's questions. His brain was awake enough to bombard him with riddles and asks, but for an answer, he had to search, stretching his hands towards the universe; and that was deadly dangerous.

 

"You can't breathe in space, but your body is so strong, that it can keep you alive for thirty seconds."

"Thirty seconds of the worst pain you can imagine, Shiro, this is not a win."

"No it's not, but the point is, I wanted to show you, that there's always hope."

 

"We're just talking?" Keith cleared his throat, finding a better position for himself on the hard chair.

"Are you asking me about what are you doing here?" Kolivan stood up from the table. "As an Omega, Keith, you have the most powerful weapon in your heart." he turned to the window.

Keith felt small, like a kid being scolded by its father. This was THE big talk that he never had. No mom, no dad, just people who sometimes cared, because they've seen, they had eyes, to know that Keith was trying, doing his best to prove himself, that he's more than an abandoned child. Not even once in his life he felt depended on people, and then, Shiro appeared like a holy ghost. He made Keith believe that not all people can be harmful and arrogant.

Keith wanted everything for himself, including Shiro. He was collecting lost thoughts, ideas, and things, telling them that he would never leave them.

That night, when Shiro was sitting on Keith's bed, telling him goodbye before the Kerberos mission, Keith's heart willingly sank down beneath the surface like an old stone who had seen too much of suffering during the centuries. He didn't say a word except the silent: _Don't forget you're mine._

It took Keith too long to understand that Shiro left because he loves space, not because he hates him. He needed too much of time to find out that Shiro was traveling to space instead of him.

 

_"You could be the one Kogane, but your lack of discipline is not allowing us to let you in space where you're responsible for other lives."_

_"I can change! I can--"_

_"No, you can't!"_

 

Keith smiled. Right, he couldn't change.

"What's the power I have?" Keith raised his look.

Kolivan was still standing near at the window, his arms folded over his chest.

"Do you have to think about it, or—“ Keith teased him.

"As an Omega, you feel a strong need to protect everybody around you. You're sending a parent vibration into the air. If another Alfa would want to hurt you, they will have to think twice if he's going to risk killing you."

Keith frowned. He never felt betrayed or weak because of his position in nature. He just couldn't see anything different between himself and a woman who has given birth to a child. Women were tough and sly. And he was both of that.

"Honestly, I never have seen a male Omega before. I believe it's because your DNA could be mixed with Galra."

Keith raised an eyebrow. Allura told him the same, when he, together with Shiro came out with the pregnancy. Coran couldn't say a word, he was too fascinated. But for Keith, it wasn't a big surprise as everyone thought. He was simply used for people watching him with curious or disgusted eyes. Violet eyes, furious and angry as stabbed lion; that was him. Through the years, Keith learned how not to care about what people think about him.

"So what? Someone could kidnap me for experiments?" Keith laughed. "Are you kidding me?"

"Keith, you're an Omega and the Red Paladin!" Kolivan slightly turned his head to look at Keith. "You are second in the command, pregnant, and half Galra. Nobody has taken this position from you after they've found out you're carrying a child or that you're a Galra."

"And that's strange," Keith agreed, "I don't want to ask Shiro, because..."

"You have to ask him! You have to talk to him! You two can't separate your ways now!"

Keith went silent. He took another sip from the tea, ignoring his six months old baby kicking his abdomen like a pro. It wasn't like Keith didn't want to speak to Shiro, but there was nothing about Keith could talk. In times of relative peace, Shiro had a lot of free time. He was spending his time with Keith, making lame dad jokes, calling their unborn child Smol and not Bianca.

"I know he knows," Keith rested his palm on his belly, trying to calm down his nervous baby. He rolled his eyes when he felt the small foot kicking his hand.

"Can I have another tea?"

"Of course." Kolivan passed by the table, disappearing behind the automatic doors.

"Calm down, you bundle of nerves." Keith stroked his belly. "I know you want to go home. Just hang in there with me." The movement has stopped. Keith didn't need sonography to know that Biana is upside-down as she should be, kicking his stomach, because of the disgusting food.

"You little devil," he smiled, when the in-ear transmitter beeped in his left ear, revealing Shiro's voice.

_"How it is going?"_

"Ah, good. I'll bring the best tea I have ever drank."

_"Better than the one with five species orange?"_

"Oh my god," Keith whined, "my favorite tea. Now I miss Earth even more!"

 _"Haha, I'm sorry,"_ Shiro smiled, _"So, how much time do you need?"_

 _"Give me an hour. Just one hour and I'll go back. Is everything alright in there?"_ Keith twisted his head to see Kolivan just came with his tea. He smiled with a silent thank you.

"Ah, Shiro, if something is happening," he slipped from the hot tea, burning his tongue like a fool. "You what?" he shouted.

_"Thirty minutes ago, Coran found a habitable planet. We can stay there for few months, but we need to slow down and turn back."_

"Wait a moment. I'll ask Kolivan about the planet."

_"Sure."_

Keith looked at his friend: "Do you know any habitable planet around here? Coran just found one."

"Only one," Kolivan stood up, "follow me."

 

The commanding center was small. Lights were in purple and green, which were two colors Keith couldn't put together. It was different from the center in the Castle. Marmora's navigation system was a lot better than the old Altean one. Soon Keith understood why he couldn't stop learning about Galra technologies. It was very impressive.

The holographic map has spread around them. Keith was standing in the middle of a space projection. One of the red dwarfs was positioned right on his forehead. The 3D hologram broke against his head, creating only a half of the star.

"Here!" Kolivan pointed at the green planet. "It's habitable, but there are tracks after Galra Empire. It's a bit dangerous. You may find Galran technology, deadly weapons, or the worse, the resistance."

"Shiro said, that they've scanned the planet, and found nothing."

"You now that Galran technology can hide any life form."

"After I've told you, I want to find a place where we can stay, you're telling me, that every habitable planet is dangerous." Keith sighed, he stretched his sore back, making a painful grimace.

"Every planet is dangerous. Orberus, you named it Ophelia, was also a dangerous place. Almost the whole ecosystem was full of toxic plants."

"I know, I almost die there," Keith laughed, having no idea why death was suddenly a funny topic. "Don't tell anyone!"

"Keith," Kolivan leaned to him, "focus," He poked his forehead with his middle finger.

And then Keith couldn't help, but beg. For only one planet, only one place he desperately wanted to see. His home. Just one last time.

"Show me Earth," Keith closed his eyes, " _please_."

"Stop living in the past." Kolivan dropped his arm.

"I can't."

"You're making your life even more difficult."

"I can't live a simple life; I was born to break the rules." Keith opened his eyes just when the blue planet formed itself. Kolivan zoomed the Earth quadrant.

"Moon," Keith stretched out his hand. He touched the hologram orbiting Earth. "So you know about Earth!" Keith turned his head to face Kolivan. "You always knew about our Solar system."

"Keith..."

"Zarkon was very close! One of his ships reached Kerberos! Where were they heading?" Keith's expression darkened.

"I don't know."

"I thought blade of Marmora is built on trust!" Keith snapped, stepping out from the holographic projection.

"Ulaz was on the ship! He helped Shiro to escape, then, what happened with the ship? Tell me!" Keith insisted.

Kolivan clenched his jaw. He refused to answer, but Keith could see the battle in his eyes. He was fighting himself to tell him the truth. An ally who doesn't want to speak.

Keith shook his head, giving Kolivan disappointed gesture. He was moving to the door when Kolivan raised his arm. The projection of solar system has disappeared.

"Keith wait!"

Keith has stopped between the doors.

"We don't have enough time if you want to return to the Castle in time."

"Make it short, then." Keith crossed his hands over his chest. He wore the same expression, prepared not to buy any bullshit from Kolivan.

"Ulaz had destroyed the ship." Kolivan dropped the truth like a hard stone on Keith's foot, "He had destroyed a lot of galran ships, protecting your planet. We know humankind doesn't have the weapons that would be able to defend them."

"Tell me more!" Keith had a terrible feeling that this revelation about the blade of Marmora protecting Earth, might have an even worse impact on his life.

 _"Keith, baby, are you done? We need to turn back!"_ Shiro's voice urged him through the transmitter.

Both of the members of Marmora exchanged looks. Kolivan had more to talk about, Keith could feel his need to tell him the whole truth finally. The tension was rising, making Keith nervous.

 

_"It's on you, Keith. Recently you told me, that it's always about a choice, and I'm making one right now. If you think you can make it, then so be it."_

 

"Kolivan told me it's not safe," Keith couldn't drop his gaze from the leader of Marmora.

 _"But Coran haven't found any trace of life."_ Shiro opposed him.

"Shiro, they have a source."

 _"Are they sure?"_ Shiro's voice changed from urgent to cold.

"Yeah. We need to search elsewhere."

_"I would be grateful if you would have finally returned!"_

"Give me few minutes." Keith knew Shiro wasn't pleasant with his visit. Even now he was almost growling.

 _"I won't give you few minutes,"_ Shiro sighed. _"Return! Now!"_

"I'm a member of Marmora, and I have a business here," Keith replied calmly. "If you want to go to the planet, go. I'm staying."

_"What happened?!"_

"Tell him, Keith." Kolivan urged, "or you won't get a single word from me."

"It's personal, Shiro," Keith replied.

Kolivan sighed, folding his arms on his chest, he shook his head and turned his back on Keith.

 _"Personal,"_ Shiro repeated with disappointment in his voice.

"I promise I'll tell you when I come back. I promise." Keith refused to leave because there could happen anything, which could bury the truth forever together with Kolivan.

 _"Keith..."_ another disappointed sigh.

"I think Kolivan used to know my mother." Keith's eyes stabbed the back of Kolivan's head like a knife. 

 _"I'm on my way there!"_ Shiro replied, voice stern.

"You have ten minutes."

_"Give me five."_

 

Kolivan was sitting restlessly on his chair, while Keith has been stabbing him with his look, drinking the red tea that previously burned his tongue. Now it was cold and tasted even better. It reminded him of an iced tea he had used to drink on Earth.

He blinked, looked down at the mug, wanted to ask a question when the door has opened and Shiro walked inside wearing his Black Paladin suit.

"Welcome, Shiro." Kolivan greeted him.

Shiro nodded for greeting: "So what's the matter here?" He took place next to Keith.

"Are you alright, Keith?" Shiro dragged his look away from Kolivan to check his lover.

"Drink this," Keith handed him the mug.

"That's the tea you were talking about?"

"Yes." Keith nodded. On the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of how Kolivan tensed again.

"How does it tastes like?" Keith asked.

"Well," Shiro took another gulp of the tea, "strawberries?" he asked, not knowing what to think about Galra and strawberry tea. He gave Kolivan questioning look waiting for the answer. 

"I knew why do I like it; it's a fruit tea," Keith stated happily.

"Yeah," Shiro exchanged quizzical look for doubtful, "Keith loves fruit teas."

Kolivan sighed, defeated, he rested his back against the chair. His eyes suddenly traveled in the space, remembering past, as if he was watching an old movie.

"Your mother brought strawberries from the Earth to us."

It was a silent, lonely statement, but it made Keith jump from the chair. With palms on the table, he inhaled fast. The universe around him has reduced on a size of Earth's surroundings.

"How long did you know that?!" Keith trembled, "why didn't you tell me?!"

"Keith, calm down." Shiro placed his palm over Keith's, "let him talk."

“We weren’t able to decode the files,” Kolivan began to explain, patiently. “Your mother locked them to protect you from literally everyone, even from us. She didn’t tell us your name, or where you are. As you can see, we didn’t have time to deal with those files. She had to use some encrypting code from the other reality to lock it.”

Keith gasped after the words another reality. He still didn’t understand how such a big secret could be hidden from him. It was like a slap that brought him back from a very long dream. Now everything was a mess, looking like a dream, not like a reality.   

“When Zarkon was finally gone, our best technician began to decode the files. But it still has too many locked files. It has terabytes of information. The code is very complicated.” Kolivan finished.

 _Twenty-one years of_ bullshitting that was the correct name of Keith's situation. He searched everywhere, even in the Garrison, hacking their system to obtain information about civilists, but there was not a trace of his mother. Sometimes Keith though, that maybe he was a part of a low-income family, so they abandoned him because they didn't have enough resources to shelter him.

There was nobody in the folder named Keith Kogane. Nobody else but him. Lost and lonely.

"What the fuck," Keith whispered, "what the fuck..."

"Kolivan, please tell us what happened," Shiro encouraged him to continue. "And you, Keith, sit down please."

 

Kolivan brought his screen pad. For a while, he was only tapping and writing commands for the software. Keith patiently waited, with his fingers drumming nervously on the table.

Shiro smiled, he still couldn't believe how Keith could get from patient to nervous in five seconds and vice-versa. Before Keith could say something to Kolivan, Shiro leaned to him, rubbing his back, he kissed him on the shoulder. Keith twisted his head, catching Shiro's look. He couldn't return the smile back. His guts were doing back flips, even Bianca felt it.

"Try to calm down," Shiro kissed his shoulder again. He laid his palm on Keith's tight, trying to relax him.

"Aleiah." Kolivan spoke, "this is her." He moved the screen pad in front of Keith. "Your mother."

Keith held his breath. He took the pad into his hands, painfully biting his lower lips. It could be fake, or it could be a trap.

_One beautiful lie._

But Keith couldn't help, and let the tears drop from his eyes. Quickly he wiped them, but he failed to prevent a sob. He gave up his stubbornness. The feeling was burning his cheeks and his chest. His hands trembled.

When Keith dropped the pad down on the table, Shiro pulled him into his arms, kissing his crown, trying to stay strong for Keith.  He couldn't imagine the feeling that suddenly had exploded in Keith's chest. He knew Keith from his sixteen, the boy who never could give up, trying to be the best, not for the others, but for himself. Always the stronger one was now crying. But who cares, when after twenty-one years, he was finally able to see his mother.

 

_"Why did you enter the Garrison?"_

_"Once I had a dream about my father; he took me to Arizona, to see the Grand Canyon. We stopped at some dusty road. He bent down to me and said: boy, chose if you wanna fly or crawl; if you wanna do big things, or follow people who do big things."_

 

Keith drank another two mugs of the strawberry tea and was forced to eat meat which tasted like pork. Only then Kolivan could continue the story. Shiro was strict, didn't want to talk about Keith's offer that he would eat after they got back to the Castle. He rubbed Keith's belly, said hello to his Smol and kissed her through the fabric of Keith's shirt.

"Tell me about her," Keith laid his hand on the table, playing with the sleeves of his shirt, stretching the fabric over his fingers.

Kolivan met with silence from their side. Both of them looked very anxious and nervous. Shiro was handling the stress better than pregnant Keith.

“I wanted to tell you after we decode files, but…” Kolivan sighed, “You’re pregnant and so lost Keith that I can’t wait anymore.” 

“For what?” Shiro asked.

“I think, that Keith’s roots might be responsible that he’s a male Omega."

“Roots?” Keith raised an eyebrow.

“Aleiah was one of us, a member of Blade of Marmora. She was second in command. Her best skill was infiltrating. There was nobody better than her, not even Thace." Kolivan folded his arms over his chest.

There was a pregnant pause between the trio. Keith was absorbing all the information very slowly and carefully.

"If you tap over the blue circle on the screen," Kolivan pointed at the pad in front of Keith, "you will see all the information about her."

"How she met my father?" Keith asked, double tapping the blue symbol on the screen.

"That's a bit difficult to explain," Kolivan sighed, "do you believe in parallel universes?"

Both of them raised their looks at Kolivan who stood up from the table. He came to the control panel installed at the edge of the window. The glass went dark and turned into a big map.

“So you were serious about the _other reality._ ” Keith shook his head. He was slowly losing himself inside of the spiral of information.

"You mean, Slav was..." Shiro began, "about all the dimensions..."

"Slav is very intelligent, and as you can see," Kolivan was writing down on the screen, "his intelligence made him a bit difficult to... uh, you know..."

"Made him crazy?" Shiro suggested.

"That's not the right word." Kolivan cleared his throat. He stepped aside from the window.

"Whoa," Keith's eyes have widened. In front of him, on the big window, was projecting a simulation.

"If only Pidge could see this," neither of them could hide their fascination.

"This is a simple simulation of traveling between two dimensions." explained Kolivan.

"This formula helps us find where the right curved space and time is. Only then we can enter the capsule between two worlds. We have found one, twenty-one years ago, on the Earth, but we don’t know if it’s till active."

"There's a portal to parallel dimension on Earth?" Shiro interrupted him, "Sorry, for interrupting you, but... I..."

"I'll get there." Kolivan tapped on the big screen again.

"Your mother," he continued, "together with Ulaz and Thace were our best spies. I would like to say, that neither of them had no idea you're Aleiah's son.”  

Keith took a slip from his cold tea. He was seeking information, desperately trying to remember everything Kolivan was telling him.

"As I told you, your mother, was on the mission to protect your solar system from Zarkon. She and Ulaz could sabotage every ship, faking it, telling Zarkon about a black hole, or about strong EMF that damaged their system. Survivors had sworn, that they saw orange time holes, curving into itself, making a loop. It was absurd."

"Then, how? Did they create some kind of illusion?" Shiro asked.

"Illusions. Different dimension." Kolivan thumbed through the system database. "We have created a device that can reflect the parallel dimension."

"So you mean..." Keith stood up from his place, not only that he wanted to take a better look at the graph, but his legs were slowly getting numb. "You have found a way how to wipe the wall between our universes?"

"I couldn't say it better." Kolivan smiled. "But, the wall never disappeared. We just made it transparent."

"Are you telling us, that in the other dimension, there's a time loop?"

"Yes." Kolivan nodded.

"What does it?" Shiro wasn't sure if it was the right time to ask questions like these.

" _Looping_?" Kolivan offered him an explanation, "it loops time."

"Something like that happened to Allura and Coran." Keith rubbed his chin reading through the math in the screen.

"Yes, they were thrown out of our timeline."

"There's no time loop in our universe?" Keith asked.

"We haven't found one yet, but space is big, isn't it?"

"Alright, alright, but what about my father?" Keith returned Kolivan's attention back to the main topic.

"We've been studying the alternative universe for years. We were able to hide the passage from Zarkon." Kolivan leaned against the table.

"Your mother had a mission, to explore the parallel universe. She was gone for a year, and when she got back, she was carrying you in her arms. We've never seen you. She tell us that she left you in the house of your father together with the Marmora blade which belonged to your biological mother.”

The screen has changed from the graph into a projection of purple nebula. Keith smiled. So his father is someone from a parallel universe.

"Wait a moment," Keith turned to Kolivan, "you want me to say, that I came from a parallel universe?"

"Yes. Aleiah told us, she hadn't any choice. She had to bring you here, or you would die. She had changed the timeline as you can see. She never met your father in this universe."

"Holy shit!" Shiro gasped. Usually, he didn's swear, but this was a critical situation. "I don't understand this... she had to break so many rules to... to..." Shiro didn't know where to begin. So many theories about parallel space, and time traveling, the fusion of time - all of it was knocking on his brain. But about one thing he was sure, it all sound too crazy.

"I was never born in our timeline," Keith stated.

"No."

"I'm one of a kind."

"Yes."

"But how?"

"I didn't say she was the one who gave birth to you." 

"Can we slow down for a moment?" Shiro sighed, he placed one of his arms on his hip and rubbed his neck. "I'm just a human, so please..."

"He's saying that Aleiah took me from herself and brought me here."

"Yes," Kolivan nodded.

"Then," Shiro tried, "the other Aleiah - your real mother, had to die, and our Aleiah, took you from her to bring you here? But why?"

"Because Earth, in their universe, was destroyed by Galra."

Keith gasped.  Suddenly the puzzle was completed. He pulled a chair from the table and carefully he sat down. In just a second Shiro was kneeling in front of him, asking him questions, but Keith wasn't reacting. It was like a big and intense Deja vú.

"I saw it," Keith looked into Shiro's eyes, "I saw a galra ship destroying Earth. I saw..." 

"What did you say?" Kolivan turned serious.

"During the trial of Marmora, I had a vision of my old house. My father was there. He said, mom is coming, he said, she tells me everything. When I looked from the window, I saw a galra ship. They were burning the land..." Keith rested his palm on his forehead.

"Try to calm down, please." Shiro took his free hand into his palms, kissing it and caressing.

"Yes, it can be." Kolivan started furiously tapping on the screen. "If it's true, then it means, your old house could be a new gate to the parallel universe." 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Keith gasped. "You can't be serious."

"I'm getting a wild feeling from this," Shiro looked at Kolivan, "it sounds like a science fiction."

"Tell it to the Galrans who kidnapped you on the Kerberos." Keith snapped. He was getting tired. All the information has fallen down on him like an avalanche. 

"Point taken." Shiro stood up, "Kolivan, I have a feeling that this talk will take us some time, and Keith needs to rest."

"I agree." Kolivan turned to the screen. He pulled out a small device from the control panel.

"I don't!" Keith tilted his head, watching the cellar. "I want to know more. Is Zarkon the Lord of the universe, in my homeland or _homespace_ , or whatever?"

"It's not our business, Keith," Kolivan replied between tapping on the screen.

"Then, I'm also not your business!" Keith stabbed him with another deadly glare. "If that's not our business then why did you send Aleiah out there? You've changed their reality by entering it, by taking me away!"

"Keith’s right." Shiro felt how the room is getting colder, but he had to agree. The logic has couldn't mislead them.

"What your mother did, was her personal decision. You were her responsibility."

"How do you know it’s me? There’s thousands of Keiths on Earth." Keith asked coldly.

“We were at the beginning of encoding, making very slow progress when you appeared on the station telling us that Ulaz had sent you. When I saw your blade, I couldn’t believe it. Usually, we would kill you without any warning, but you were the Red Paladin wearing our blade.” Kolivan smiled. “I wanted to see if the boy from Aleiah’s file is you. Human boy with the blade of Marmora.”

Keith frowned. The information brought him a headache. He rubbed his neck, trying to stay focused. His stomach twisted, and Bianca imprinted his small hand from the inside of his belly on his skin. Maybe she was calling: stop, it’s enough, let’s head home.

“Sometimes,” Kolivan caught his attention again, “she couldn’t help. She sneaked out from the ship to Earth. She took pictures of you.” He tapped on the screen few times.  

Shiro blinked. It was both of them, not only Keith but he was also present on the photography. Shiro tried to remember the moment caught on a picture. It was a bit embarrassing, to know that Aleiah took a picture of them hugging.

“Wait a moment,” Keith pointed at the picture, “I was seventeen back then. Does this mean…”

“ _No_ ,” Kolivan shook his head before Keith could say these hopeful words. “She died four years ago.”

Keith lowered his head. All the dreams about lions and caves were like a curse to him. He couldn’t stop searching. Almost as if someone inserted these pictures into his head. He raised his look at Kolivan. He had another question on his tongue.

“How?”

“They found out who she was.”

“You said she was the best!” Keith shouted.

“Baby, don’t do this, “ Shiro begged, “let’s get back to the Castle so we can think through about it together, alright? Kolivan is not going to disappear.” He gave Kolivan a hard look.

Keith nodded, taking Shiro’s hand between his palms. Although Shiro was silent at the most time, his calming presence was so strong that it didn’t allow Keith to turn him into a kicking and yelling madman.

"Take this with you," Kolivan handed Keith a small portable disk. "These are all the information about your mother and the parallel universe, but please, be careful about it. They have already succeeded once to take control over the castle. I wouldn't be happy if that happened again and all the top secret information..."

"I understand," Keith slowly stood up from the chair. " _Fuc_ k, this was intensive..."

"Tell me 'bout it," Shiro threw a glance at Kolivan. "We should stay in touch!"

"Copy."


	5. 2. Shame on those who don't know better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey, guys. Just wanted to tell you hi. Leave a comment, I feel lonely.

Why would anybody in the universe want to fight with pregnant Keith Kogane, the Red Paladin, and half Garla, from the parallel universe? Well, Shiro wanted because Keith's temperature was rolling big fireballs on the skies. It got worse, when Shiro tried to calm him down, telling him, that he needs to think about their daughter health. Keith called him an idiot in front of everyone and apologized later in the Castle's kitchen. 

First, Coran thought it was the hormones, but the scan had shown nothing extraordinary. Nobody said a word, but all of them knew that Keith was just angry, simple as that. He was angry because of Kolivan, because of Allura and Coran, because literally, everybody he met. Hopefully, Slav was hiding in the engine room, thinking about the parallel universe.

Pidge's priority now, was encoding. She was sinking into the depth of Keith's past like nobody else. In few minutes she knew more about him that Keith knew about himself.

"Fascinating," Pidge rubbed her chin, reading the data on the screen. "It says, that the magnetic field around the space capsule is that strong that it can be mistaken for a black hole."

"That's impossible," Keith said. He sighed, tilting his head, watching the high ceiling in the living room.

"I know, right?" Pidge smiled. She tapped on the keyboard, trying not to look at Keith who was sprawled on the chair.

"You know what?" She turned her head to Keith, "you've never told me you know so much about science." She fixed her glasses on her nose.

"It's pretty common for a fighter pilot," Keith replied.

His voice sounded so bored that Pidge had to resist the urge not to throw herself on the couch and whining like Keith.

"Yeah, but Hunk told me you were the best in the class, not only in the simulator but also as the student." Pidge stood up from the carpet. She took place on the couch. "It will take awhile until my software decodes the files."

Keith didn't reply. Instead of that started to hum a song. Very silently, so Pidge couldn't hear the words, but she was sure, that the song belonged to Bianca.

"I know you don't like talking about yourself," she tried again, "but since you're very good in science, you would be a great help." She smiled, trying to encourage Keith.

"Hey," Shiro entered the room with his screen pad.

Pidge glanced at his bare feets. She couldn't explain to herself why would Shiro come into the living room, fully clothed, even in his vest, but his feet were bare. It takes him a long time to find socks and boots if something happens.

"Have you guys made any progress?" he joined to her on the couch.

"Waiting," she announced.

Shiro looked at Keith, trying to recognize the song he was humming to their baby.

"Shiro I have to ask you because Keith refuses to cooperate." Pidge turned to Shiro.

"Yes?" Shiro asked, not surprised by Keith's behavior.

"Why didn't you tell me that Keith is a genius?"

Shiro laughed; "he's not a genius Pidge, you are the genius."

"Yeah, stop trying to feed me with sugar and tell me the truth."

"Keith?" Shiro looked at his lover who shook his head, still humming a song.

Shiro sighed. "Keith is a very modest person. If you ask him, he helps you. If he knows the answer, he tells you."

"Hmmm..." Pidge glanced at Keith who cracked open one eye. "That's a shame. It would be cool if I had someone for a long science talk."

Shiro leaned closer to Pidge's ear, whispering her something while Keith's eyes were glued on them. They were building a conspiracy behind his back.

Pidge noded. She chuckled when Shiro stood up from his place, taking his screen pad with himself, leaving the room.

"Where are you going?" Keith turned to him. "Shiro!"

"I'll be back; I just want to take some food for you."

"No, please don't go to bring some food for me!" Keith cried, but it was too late; the doors behind Shiro has closed.

"So Keith," Pidge caught his attention back, "do you have a theory about black holes and magnetic fields?"

Keith whined, "Takashi _Traitor_ Shirogane."

"Tell me about it." Pidge has insisted with a smile.

"It's not a theory," Keith scratched his neck, watching the white lights on the ceiling, "It's about how we all and every matter matters because when you give your energy to the black hole, it will use it. The energy will forever stay with the black hole. The energy is the only thing that black hole can't destroy because in that case, it would destroy itself."

Pidge rubbed her chin, "where are the magnetic fields in this theory?"

"It can protect you. I believe that, even when black holes have a massive gravitational field, the magnetic field can help you."

"But how?"

"To keep you in one piece."

Pidge smirked. She laughed aloud, her shoulder shaking. Nobody would understand this stupid science joke. And here, she thought, that Keith is the savior of the universe.

"Will you let me know when you find something interesting?" Keith slowly stood up from his chair.

"Where are you going? Shiro just went to bring you some food."

"Yeah, that's why I have to go." Keith strode to the exit when the doors just have opened. Shiro was standing in front of him with a plate full of fruit and meat. 

"What about vegetables? Since when are fruit and meat a good combination?" Keith folded his arms on his chest.

"Did you want to go somewhere?" Shiro raised an eyebrow.

"Search for you."

"Liar." Shiro pushed him back to the room. 

"What's this yellow thing?" Keith curiously poked the round fruit. He tasted it before it would explode and ended his life - but sooner better.

"It tastes like grapes." Shiro picked up the small fruit and pushed it between Keith's lips. When the whole berry disappeared into Keith's mouth, Shiro couldn't help but also enter his index finger between the rosy red lips. The tip of his finger touched Keith's tongue. Both of them exchanged tender looks when something interrupted their moment. It was Pidge and her Rover number two.

Keith cleared his throat, taking another fruit from the plate. Shiro was scratching his nose, trying not to smile. Pidge just rolled her eyes.

"My club of rolling eyes has just lost its boss. Keith's you're the worst." She waved her hand at Rover and returned to the computer.

"You were the chief of the Rolling eyes club?" Shiro laughed.

"Yeah, it wasn't my idea," Keith mumbled.

"Everything here tastes like something." Keith looked back at the plate, "what if the aliens just robbed Earth? I wouldn't be surprised."

"Aye, my fire captain," Shiro smiled, "no food, no love."

"Mother of all abandoned places, you are the worst Takashi."

"I will always love you, as much as this grape like fruit wants to end in your mouth." Shiro smiled with another berry between his fingers.

"No it doesn't want to, it's a fruit, it has no desires and no needs, just like me."

"Are we depressed today, baby, aren't we?"

"What's with your accent?" Keith has bitten into the fruit. It was sweet and juicy. He licked his lips and took another two of the berries.

"You like it, don't you?" Shiro smiled, "what about more food, hm?"

"No, until you tell me what's wrong with your accent."

"I'm trying to be Earth-native." Shiro's smile was like rays of sunlight, too bright for Keith to stay grumpy.

"No, you don't." Keith looked away.

"I know how much you miss Earth," Shiro put the plate with food on the small table where Pidge has her accessories.

"And you thought that when you start talking in a Southern dialect, it will help?"

"What? No." Shiro shook his head, "do I sound like that? Because I don't."

"Liar." Keith smiled.

"Guys!" Pidge's voice interrupted their conversation. She nodded at here computer.

"I wanna know too!" Lance sprinted through the opened door into the room, passing Shiro and Keith. Then he sat down next to Pidge, curious; he rubbed his chin reading the encrypted file.

"Seriously," Pidge tapped her finger on the extended keyboard, "It's not for you to see, Lance. Have some respect."

"It's alright, Pidge."  Keith waved his hand, filling his mouth with the yellow and red fruit. His cheeks looked so fluffy, full and rosy red that Shiro couldn't resist and so he gave him a peck on the left cheek, catching Keith's hand when Keith wanted to poke his cheek.

"Can Hunk see too?" A head popped out from behind the door. Hunk blinked at Keith who took his time to chew the food.

"If Hunk will stop talk about himself in the third person, then yes," Keith replied.

"Cool, Hunk is on the board."

"Hunk!" Keith's gaze accompanied him all the way up to Lance and Pidge.

"Right, right." Hunk leaned to the holographic screen, "this is your mom?"

"Yes." Keith took place on the couch.

" _Whoa,_ Keith, she's..." Lance couldn't finish his sentence because Shiro lightly smacked his head.

" _Ouch."_

"Stop doing _whoa_ on my mother in law." For a moment Shiro stayed hovering over Lance like a bat.

"Hot mother-in... _ouch_. Sorry, I got it!" Lance covered his head with hands.

Shiro sat back in his place. He took Keith's left hand into his prosthetic hand and laced their fingers. Shiro was the only one who wasn't looking at the screen. Instead of that, he was stroking Keith's hand, his thumb playing with his engagement ring.

"What have you found Pidge?" Keith licked his fingers clean from the juice.

"It's pretty only about the science, time, traveling, physics, and stuff... but look." Pidge tapped her index finger on the screen. A large picture of a man in his early thirties has shown on the screen. The lens captured only a part of - what looked like a robotic lion.

"Is this what I think it is?" Lance's eyes widened.

"What do you think it is?" Hunk almost whispered. "I mean, it totally looks like Blue, right? Unless it's a toy or the picture was taken on the Comic-con."

Four pairs of eyes have met with Hunk's curious expression. Nobody said a word.

"Anyways," Pidge cleared her throat, "it looks like the Blue Lion, and I think it is Blue, because, here, the next line on Aleiah's report is, that she had found a part of the Voltron."

"Keith's father was the owner of the Blue Lion." Hunk stated.

Keith had to admit, that the man looked exactly like his father from this reality. It began to be exhaustive to think of two realities at once.

"More, like, he found him." Pidge corrected him.

"Just like Keith." Lance sighed, then he twisted his head to look at Keith. His curious eyes were traveling through Keith's body, while Keith just raised an eyebrow.

"Is this a thing?" Lance asked without any negative emotion in his voice.

"If there's Blue Lion, then there's a chance they can form Voltron." Hunk lifted his finger, slowly he was getting closer to the red button on the corner of the screen when Pidge slapped his hand away.

"I don't think so," Shiro had to disagree with his teammate, "look, if they had a chance they could've done that twenty years ago, right? Something's wrong."

"Even if he had found the blue lion, it doesn't mean, he could pilot it." Keith tilted his head and closed his eyes.

All the information gave a quick jump on his shoulders. He was listening to his friends only ten minutes, but the weight of his past was similar to a shot. He was bleeding, trying to stand up and run before another villain could come.

"Right." Shiro hissed because Keith was crushing his robotic fingers. "Keith, do I have to remind you that you have become stronger than me and my robotic arm is not exactly robotic?"

Keith gave him a puzzled look before he realized what Shiro was saying.

"Sorry," Keith brought Shiro's right hand to his lips and kissed it, "and I don't think that I've become stronger than you."

“I know, I’m just trying to make you feel strong.” Shiro laughed when Keith slapped him on the shoulder.

"I should take this to Allura and Coran," Pidge sighed, "and you two should find a room."

"Or we can call them." Shiro tried to lead the attention to another topic, while Keith's lips were still occupying his right hand.

"Keith, your mom is watching you!" Lance leaned to the side so Keith could see the screen where Aleiah's photo was displayed. "Have some virgin blood in your behavior young man."

"Maybe I should take your blood Lance, to have som virginity in mine." Keith stabbed him with another look.

"Ouch," Hunk hid his face into his palm. Pidge sighed trying not to laugh, but then, it was a lame joke, wasn't it? Even Keith waved his hand and sighed.

"Fine, fine, I'm not going to be the bad one." Lance stood up, "I'm going to my room, so the air here is not going to devour our souls with its acid atmosphere."

"I'm sorry," Keith apologized, "I should have known where the line is, I'm sorry." He gave Lance a serious look.

Lance gave Keith a small nod and dropped himself on the couch next to him. Both of them remained silent. Shiro's hand was no longer captured between Keith's so when Allura and Coran came to the room he joined the duo to inform them about the situation. 

"You know Keith," Lance started a bit nervous, "I'm sorry what happened to you. I would have never admitted that you're cool because you're not, but sometimes you are, but you're not."

"Good," Keith rolled his eyes.

"But, I have to admit one thing," he lowered his voice, "you're a tough person. Damn, you're a survivor Kogane. Just keep it like that."

Keith was completely caught by surprise. He looked at Lance's serious face. He was watching their friends talking about the main topic.

"Lance, I—“

"You're a stoic person," Lance moved his look to the side, so now they were looking at each other eyes. "Now I know you went through a lot of shit, and dude I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to know all of this. So here I'm if you need any help. Just ask. You're not alone, alright? Don't be shy to ask."

"I'm not shy to ask!" Keith furrowed, "but thanks, I guess."

"You are."

"I'm not." Keith hissed.

Both of them slapped each other thigh at the same time, and then they decided that ignorance is nevertheless blessing. Keith turned his head to look at Shiro. He tried to connect himself into the conversation again.

"This is fishy," Hunk said, "maybe they couldn't find the right paladin for the blue lion? Or maybe they've found only one lion, and they don't even know what Voltron is. There are thousands of WHY that's insane!"

"It doesn't matter," Pidge shook her head, "humankind is enslaved." She held a small portable device in here hands. It was downloading the decrypted files from the computer. When hers and Keith's looks met, she stretched out her hand and gave him the device with a soft smile. 

"Take it. It will show you all the progress from the central computer."

Keith nodded, taking the small device into his hands. Lance leaned to him to take a look.

"You mean, that, maybe me, my beautiful me is enslaved?" He asked shocked, "me, Lance is enslaved? No!"

"Humankind means everybody Lance unless you're not a human." Pidge sighed.

"That would explain a lot of things." Keith murmured for himself, taking the firm slap on his shoulder from Lance as a true warrior - he didn't even flinch.

"Don't use any violence on a pregnant person, Lance!" Allura frowned and folded her arms over chest. Both of them exchanged their looks.

"Yeah at least in this reality I can't get pregnant." Lance sighed. He tries to sound annoying, but the words he said to Keith were hovering over him like a cloud, knowing that they will haunt him forever. Lance showed Keith that whatever his reasons are, he has a goddamn good excuse for them.

"Are you envy?" Allura smirked, “Don't be.”

“Alright, let’s just, forget about me for a second,” Keith stepped into their small fight, “because it’s not about me, alright? Then just tell me how I can…”

"Keith,” Allura interrupted him, “this is our reality, and that is their reality. I know how much it means to you, but we can't pry into their things."

“You are good,” Keith sighed, “I didn’t even tell you, and here you are, knowing what I wanted to say.”

“It’s not so difficult to guess,” she smiled.

"But I'm here.” Keith slowly stood up. “Maybe it's my fault that they couldn't form Voltron. Because they didn't find a pilot."

"Maybe, and maybe not. It was twenty years ago, Keith. You were just a baby; you couldn't pilot a lion when the Galra came. It's not your fault." She tried to ease his guilt.

It wasn’t as if Keith felt the need to fix his mistakes because Allura was right. He didn't have the power to make changes in circumstances. He was just a baby and babies can’t fight. What was hanging above his head was the sword of Damocles. What if, after years, would be given him an opportunity to save his home? Yes, he did that, in the wrong universe and it was right. Of course, it was, but who will save his world when he’s stuck here? If he was able to protect this reality, he could save the other one.

“Keith,” Allura smiled kindly at him, “please, let’s have a talk about it.”

"Maybe after years,” he said, “we had a chance. You don't know how the other Earth looks like now."

Allura noded.  She had already seen the expression on Keith’s face. She lost her fight long time before it even started. As a Paladin, Keith had his responsibility as the others, but his condition could give him an excuse, telling them goodbye. And exactly for this reason, she decided that being stubborn is the best way how to protect her paladins.

"That's right. Maybe people have found a way how to reverse the war. I can see it bothers you a lot, but we can't do anything about that!”

"We could if we had knowledge about the portal.” Surprisingly, Coran has entered into their conversation. “Another portal, not that one on the Earth. It wouldn't be safe to come through that one.”

"Coran, I don't think we should..." Allura sighed.

"If I find one..." Keith laid his hands on his hips, “then maybe I…”

"Keith no!" This time it was Shiro who had to intervene.

"It's dangerous, dude,” Lance shook his head.

"I don't care." Keith took the small portable device and went straight to the door, ignoring his friends and Shiro.

"I care!" Shiro raised his voice, fast walking after him.  He grabbed Keith’s shoulder before he could exit the room. It wasn’t like Keith could run away. He absolutely couldn’t run. That was the thing that bothered him the most. Not being able to run, to fight, to be rough and needed as he wanted.

"Shiro, please..." Keith sighed. He gave him a glance, begging him for support.

"No!" Shiro’s voice was steady and cold.

"Shiro..."

"Keith stop doing this!" he begged.

"If we were able to find that portal, then the Garla from the other side can do that too! Do you really think, we're safe here?" Keith urged.

"It won't happen, Keith!"

"How do you know? How can you be so sure? We don't know about Earth anymore! We're so fucking far away that we can't even send a signal!” Keith freed his arm, “Kolivan said that the first portal is on Earth, Shiro! You've been there when he said that! What if there's no Earth?! No home!"

Keith’s words poisoned the air between all of them. Lance struggled, he lowered his gaze to the floor, clenching his jaw. Pidge has stopped working on the encrypting, and Hunk just sighed. He shook his head. Later he would have to have a talk with Keith.

"You're overreacting." Again, Shiro took him by the arm and together they have disappeared behind the doors.

"You can search for thousands of planets Shiro, go on, but I'm not going to lose Earth! Not again!" Keith retorted.

Shiro drew protesting Keith into their room. When the doors have closed behind them, Shiro took the small device from Keith’s cold hands and threw it on the bed. He leaned to Keith, watching his distant eyes before he asked: "Why do you do this?!"

"You ask me why do I _care_?"

 _“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”_ Shiro felt the anger crawling slowly on his back, its small fingers clenching on his spine like little vampires, biting him, sending their venom into his open wounds.

 _“Every cloud has a silver lining,”_ Keith responded, looking away from nervous Shiro’s. 

"Why do you have to risk like this? Are you hungry for adrenaline? Do you miss the hell we went through?!" Shiro was glaring and watching every Keith’s move like a predator.

"I don't..." Keith sighed, “You know I don’t.” He almost whispered.

"Do you need more blood and more tears?” Shiro insisted, pushing his words into Keith’s heart by force. “We've saved this universe it's enough for us!"

"Us? _It's_  not about us! This problem affect us all! Parallel universe is not fucking another dimension or second life! It's a place so near to ours that the blade of Marmora was able to remove the wall between us!" This time it was Keith who raised his voice. Nervously he started to pace across the room.

"Still not enough." Shiro folded his arms over chest.

"It's my home!"

"This is your home."

"Shiro for fuck sake!"

"You are not going to search for any gate, do you understand?!” In second, Shiro hit the wall with his right fist. “It's dangerous not only for us but even for them! Your mother once disrupted their reality, we are not going to do that again!" another hit, "If they come here, then we'll stop them again! I would fucking die to protect our universe! I will die for you and the others, but until then, I'm not going to lift a finger! If you don't see the danger, Keith, then..."

"Then what?" Keith has approached closer.

"You act impulsively."

“Me? And what _are you_ doing?” Keith threw up his hands, “what are you doing Shiro?” He pointed to Shiro’s hand that was still resting against the wall.

Slowly, Shiro left his hand to fall back next to his body. He sighed, feeling as his anxiety was crawling after his tension, over his back and further. Shiro was angry only because the desperation Keith has brought to them. One of them was selfish, and he didn't feel like the right one.

"I'm always impulsive! You said that I was born for this, Shiro! I was taken away from my home to survive, so one day I would be able to fix all the mess!"

Keith hated fighting. He would rather step on himself, put a foot into his mouth, and choke on his words, than fight with Shiro. It always brought only sadness into their lives, as if their separation was not a big enough punishment. He had to give himself a promise not to fight with Shiro anymore.

 

_“Sometimes the best you can do is just survive.”_

_“At any cost?”_

_“For the best reasons.”_

 

"Or let everybody die," Shiro replied calmly.

"You don't know that."

"Do you want to risk our universe because you're selfish?"

"I'm... oh my god!" Keith gasped in surprise. He tried to react immediately, but the slap was too big, like a slap from a Goliath. He rubbed his sweaty forehead.

The worst was coming after him. The whole time, he knew that Shiro thought about him as about a brat, a man who makes him trouble, a hothead catastrophe. The engagement came as another surprise, from nowhere, but unlike this one, the engagement was a happy memory.

"Are you not?” Shiro asked after a long pause from Keith. “It's about you, Keith. I told you, do as you wish, you are smart enough to lead Voltron, to lead an army, and I know who you are. But this is bigger than us. We're talking here about the fate of our universe."

"We are defenders of the universe." Keith had to lean against the wall.

"Yes, one universe, do you see plural there?"

"For fuck sake Takashi, stop making me angry! For once!" More than anger it was desperation in Keith’s voice. The only thing he wished was Shiro to try to understand his position.

"I'm making you angry? Me? I can die to worry about you! You do nothing but risk your life!"

"Then fucking leave me if I'm such a big burden to you!"

Shiro went silent. His gray eyes traveled from Keith’s toes to his eyes. Shame was written all over Keith’s face, his eyes reflecting hurt. Shiro shook his head and lowered his head. _Hurting_. With another sigh, Shiro settled on their bed. He rested his hands on the top of his knees and laced his fingers.

"I've already told you, you're not a burden to me,” Shiro closed his eyes. “I said you're selfish. You don't ask, you just want! Do you even care about how I felt when you said, that you are going to search for a gate so you can take a peek into the parallel universe?" he twisted his head to look at Keith who was still standing in the same position with his hands over his chest.

Keith didn’t even flinch.

"Bianca! For fuck sake do you forget we have a kid?!" Shiro cried aloud. He flexed his arms, almost painfully, clenching his fist so strong, that they started to tremble.

"I didn't say it have to be right _now_!” Keith moved from the wall, “Pidge didn't even finish the encoding!”

"Do you want to fight me so bad, baby?" Shiro lowered his voice, but his body stayed tight as a weapon, prepared to move.

"I don't want to fight you! I want you to understand, that it's my responsibility! I'm maybe the only human who's free! I hold the key!"

"Or maybe they're all dead. Are you ready to see this possibility?"

"Yes, I am." Keith felt as his body started to shiver. The picture was too big for him to see where the danger was hiding, like a spider creating its webs all around his territory.

"Good, because it's only you who's Galra here." Shiro stood up from the bed. He stretched his arms over his head, trying to reveal the tension from his body.

"Sice when this turned into xenophobic shit?" Keith moved to the table. He felt like a small animal being hunted by the most dangerous predator. Shiro was everything, but not a monster and Keith would have to lose his mind to feel scared of Shiro. But again, he felt too small, still too small and fragile. He swore to himself to protect Shiro, but still, he couldn't protect Shiro from the worst enemy - from him.

On the table was lying a small plush toy shaped into a rabbit. A smiling yellow rabbit, a gift from Pidge to their daughter. A piece of innocence and a new, peaceful world.

"No, Keith,” Shiro sighed, “it's only you, who can go there if the humankind has been enslaved. You'll fit."

"What the hell?" Keith turned to face Shiro, but his lover was showing him back.

"I ask you the same, Keith."

"This is absurd." Keith was trying to find the right words, but Shiro had complete power over their conversation. He was losing.

"Now, it looks like, you've finally understood what I'm trying to say." Shiro turned to him. He remained silent when he spotted the toy in Keith’s hands. Guilty. He felt ashamed and guilty. They have created life, but now they were destroying their own. _Shame._

"I'm pretty sure I know what you are trying to say, Takashi! And it's fucking unfair and disgusting!"

"What is disgusting? That after you lost your parents, you're going to leave our daughter?"

"I'm not!" Keith clenched his fingers around the toy.

"Keep saying yourself that." Shiro quickly walked over to his fiancé. Keith's face darkened, and his cold expression almost startled Shiro. He had grabbed Keith's wrist before Keith managed to throw the toy at Shiro. 

"I love you both! I would never..." angrily Keith bowed his head. _Shame._ He gasped trying to bit onto his tongue to stop the tears.

"Slowly, Keith, you're slowly doing that." Shiro took the toy from his hands. He laid the bunny back on the table and took Keith's both cold hands into his. Even though one of Shiro's arm was metallic and cool to the touch, he wanted to relax Keith's body.

 

_"You're the warmest human being."_

 

"Are you saying that I'm alone?" Keith asked worryingly.

"Yes."

"Shit, Takashi!" Keith laughed bitterly. "That was cold."  He inhaled deeply, successfully suppressing the tears.

Shiro gently lifted Keith’s hand to his lips and kissed his fingers. “Only you can go there. Don't make me say what you know better than me, baby. Come on, don't do this to me." Shiro embraced him around the waist with his free hand.

"Funny, I feel the deja vú." Keith relaxed in Shiro’s arms. He rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

"It would be funny to have two Shiros." Keith murmured.

"I'm begging you," Shiro whispered into his black hair.

"I'm truly that bad, ha?" The bitterness has taken control over his body.

"Baby, I love you so much. I can't even tell you what you meant to me. I feel like I'm going crazy because I'm losing you again. I can't stand it. I wish you could feel the same." Shiro kissed his crown, trying not to press against his body because of the small belly. Keith was all and even more than everything he could dream of. Keith was a miracle, holding Shiro heart in his small palms like a god.

"You big sap, you have no idea how..." Keith sobbed, trying to hide his face and tears.

"I wish I had..." Shiro whispered softly. He rested his cheek on top of Keith's head.

"Shiro, please, don't do this, I might..."

"Deja vú?" Shiro smiled.

"I'm not going to fight you anymore, just... please, don't make me cry," Keith begged with tears in his eyes.

"I would never do that.” But Shiro knew it was too late. Ha had to be deaf to not hear the emotions in Keith’s voice, to not see his body language. For sure he knew that Keith is safe for three months until their baby comes to the world. A space child. He had three months to convince Keith, but he already knew he lost.

"I wish for once my life could be easier. Kolivan has told me not to live in the past, and I wish I would've listened to him."

"The Past is not always a bad thing." Shiro stroked his hair. Three months.

"For me, it is. Takashi, what I said during the trial of Marmora, was true. I know who I am, but I don't know what to do about that. I'm confused because I've just learned that parallel universe exists and I was born there. I feel like a space joke. Come on Lance can make a good meme."

"You know I like memes, and I don't think you're suitable for that."

"Thanks." Keith has straightened himself and looked into Shiro’s eyes. Hurt.

"Baby, whatever happened to you, or them, it's not your fault." Shiro kissed his forehead.

"You're just a big Sunshine, right? A big _Shirosunnyshine."_ Keith couldn’t help but smile. He cupped Shiro’s face and kissed him on the lips.

"That's not even a word," Shiro whispered into the kiss.

"You love me, and I behave like an asshole." Keith sighed.

"Right." Shiro tried to ignore Keith's teary eyes, the red flanking his eyes like an ornament.

"God, just slap me or something." Keith sniffed. His index finger drew abstract pictures on Shiro's left pectoral. He looked like a small, sad kid.

"Never." Shiro smiled.

"Then help me, don't leave ma alone." Keith pressed his palm over Shiro's heart. The warmth of his body was pulsing beneath his fingers like a bundle of arteries. Keith knew it was just the strong heartbeat, a heart hidden inside of the invincible tower. He could proudly say that Shiro's his, but where was the proud part hidden? He didn't feel like he deserves him.

"I won't, but I can't do anything about that." Shiro covered Keith's hand with his palm.

"Shiro, please."

"I'm risking losing you again. Is this only one-sided?" Shiro looked into his eyes.

"No."

"But you have to." Shiro sighed wearily.

"It's my home," Keith whispered, feeling like a total asshole, just for saying such bullshit.

"Who are you trying to convince that your intentions are right?" Keith was like an open book for Shiro. But secretly, Keith wished that there was still a blank page he could use.

"You," Keith replied.

"Well," Shiro paused, "then you have three months for convincing me that I'm not your home." He let go of Keith and stepped aside.

"Good luck." He disappeared behind the door, leaving Keith alone in their room, right next to the wooden cradle.

 

_“I dreamt about the sun. Like a cold rock, I was falling into its warm embrace.”_

_“Then, try to fall without being destroyed, try to fall into my arms, I’ll catch you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have reached the end, thank you.


	6. NOT AN UPDATED

I just want to ask if someone is still waiting for the update. If not, I'm going to discontinue this fic.


	7. 3. Shame on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not about the writer's block, not even about the lack of inspiration for this fic. It's about the absence of a response for this fic. So, write your comments, tell me what you think, and I will continue.

_“You should name your daughter Patience or Faith.”_

_“Lance Just…”_

_“I’m trying to be supportive. You know what the biggest problem between you and Captain is?”_

_“I have no problem with Shiro.”_

_“You both are too stubborn.”_

_“Lance…”_

_“Listen to people, Keith. You’re second in command.”_

_“Fuck!”_

_“Don’t be angry. Try to understand us. This way you look two-faced. I’m trying to be your friend. I know we fight in Steve and Tony manners, but we love each other.”_

_“That was stupid.”_

_“I agree, but you’ve got the point.”_

 

    “Love is a remedy, tastes like honey on the lips and feels like Zero G.” Keith tilted his head. His violet eyes traveled around the ceiling.

Keith thought that maybe he’s missing just a piece, a small part of the cosmic puzzle. One whole world or galaxies could be saved if the Earth from parallel universe still had a chance. Maybe he was too proud, or he felt too powerful, but Shiro was the one who taught him to fight till the end – bitter or not. Only people fight not knowing where to stop.

“Love is zero G?” Shiro smiled when he came out from the bathroom. He threw the towel over the chair and sat next to Keith on the bed.

“You’re naked,” Keith looked from the ceiling to Shiro. With curious eyes, he traveled over his nude body. 

“You’re _almost_ my husband.” Shiro smiled, leaning on Keith’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, hiding his face in Keith’s eyes.

“I’m talking about your kidneys. Your health.” Keith turned his head to Shiro and kissed his crown. „And it’s called _fiancé,_ not an _almost husband._ “ He smiled.

“I’m fine.” 

“Yeah, every morning you wake up, you’re perfectly fine.” Keith sighed, “Don’t lie to your almost husband.”

“These are only small problems. I’m fine. What was that about Love and Zero G?” Shiro shifted on the bed. He stretched his arms with a yawn.

“I used to love zero gravitation.” Keith took a small yellow tube from the night stand. The ointment smelled like apples with honey. He didn’t know if other planets have honey and bees. All these little things made him even sadder because he couldn’t stop thinking about his real home. Maybe there were no bees anymore, and the world destroyed itself. It needed only to kill bees.

“What have changed?” Shiro turned his back to Keith waiting for him to apply the healing ointment.

“Us? Me?” Keith brushed his fingers covered with cream on his lover’s lower back. With a heavy sigh, he rested his forehead on Shiro’s shoulder.

“We grew up. We are adults now.” Shiro looked into his empty palms. He felt as his body shivered when Keith pressed his whole palm to his lover back. The ointment was warm and pleasant against his aching kidneys.

“I don’t feel like a legit adult.” Keith hugged him around the waist.

“That’s a bit dangerous statement, baby.” Shiro snorted. He ran his fingers through Keith’s forearm, stopping at his fingers. Shiro smiled at the ring on the ring finger. In moments like this, he was able to forget the sleeping danger just right in the corner of the universe.

All the time he and Keith used to study together, making jokes about time traveling, traveling at the speed of light, he could never image that after few years he’ll be a part of Voltron project. It was Keith who showed them the way, the path to deep dark space and It was also Keith who hated it the most because all of his life he did nothing, but search for a place to call home. The spaceship was nothing like a home, not even an equivalent. And now, when he was just a door away from his homeland, Shiro felt the Deja vú of saying goodbye before his Kerberos mission.

“Remember how they used to call me in the school?” Keith’s palms moved on Shiro’s kidneys, warming up the skin, giving him comfort.

“Baby?” Shiro tried.

“No! Only you called me like that!” Keith frowned.

“Matt used to call you like that too. Baby star. Too young to be that good.”

“You were only two years older.” Keith’s forefinger caressed on of the small scar. He tried not to remind himself the past. It was too nostalgic, almost painful, thinking about things he left behind. 

“You snatched my record just like that.” Shiro snapped his fingers with a smile.

“Yeah…” Keith lowered his head, “and you took it back, just a week later.” Keith was maybe a little genius, but he was never as good as Shiro. Perhaps in piloting and maybe in destroying things, but not in creating, or leading. Keith was a wildflower he needed an extreme environment for surviving.

“I miss Earth every day, Keith.” Shiro twisted his head to look at his almost husband. He tried to reach his eyes, but Keith’s amethyst eyes have fixed on the bed sheets.

“You look sad.” Shiro stood up from the bed to dress up.

“Maybe because I am sad.” Keith rubbed his eyes, trying to fight off his headache. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I wish,” Shiro put on his underwear, “you could stop forgetting that I love you.”

Keith chuckled. He shook his head, dropping both of his hands on his thighs. “How I could forget something so important?”

“Then why are you not letting me to help you?”

“With what—“

“Oh, Keith!” Shiro interrupted him, “we are over this. You’re unnecessarily stubborn again.”

Keith’s body has tensed. He refused to look at Shiro. He knew there is a thin transparent wall between them. Both of them see each other crystal clear but sometimes they can’t touch directly, only watching as the other is falling apart.

There was not _close enough_ when it comes to them. The needed air was making everything difficult. The skin was too rough, and bones too deep in the body.

 

_“I can’t get enough of you.”_

_“Then maybe you should eat me whole. Swallow, don’t chew.”_

 

Shiro slipped into his sweatpants. He stood up in front of Keith, fixing his upside down shirt. There was a sweet and warm atmosphere between them, but Shiro could feel the cold darkness slowly devouring Keith’s eyes. Keith reached for the laces from Shiro’s sweets and tied them up.

“Every time I start to talk about Earth,” Shiro put on his black shirt, “you seem to be anxious. It keeps me worrying.”

“I don’t know why you think I’m anxious.” Keith rested his palms on his belly, “I’m fine.”

“You know, one day, maybe I'll stop asking you, Keith, because your reply is always the same. You ask me the same question every time you have a feeling something’s wrong with me, and you expect an honest answer from me,” Shiro looked into his fiancé's eyes, “I’m going to regret the next statement, but _this is not fair_!”

Keith sighed. He leaned against the bed’s headboard. Looking at Shiro, he stretched his legs, leaving his comment unspoken.

“What happened on Earth, when I was gone?” Shiro put his hands in pockets. Patiently he looked down at his bare food, not showing any form of nervousness. When Keith didn’t reply, Shiro thought that two could play this game. Like a sulky kid, he settled down on the cold floor.

“That’s pretty lame,” Keith raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just sitting,” Shiro shrugged.

“Your kidneys are going to hurt, not main.”

“Yeah, but you are the one who’s going to sleep next to a person who’s kidneys are going to hurt,” Shiro said calmly. He even smiled when Keith twisted his eyebrows.

“You’re like a kid!”

“Why should I do what you say, when you ignore what I say?”

“That’s a complete monstrous bullshit!” Keith retorted. 

“Well, let’s start with why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Shiro refused to stand up from the cold floor, risking his health like a fool.

“Shiro, there are billions of things that bother me!” Keith massaged his temple. “We are in the deep fucking space. Is it enough of an answer for you?”

Shiro nodded, folding his arms on his chest, “I thought I was accurate enough.”

“You don’t need to be more specific.”

“I was talking about Earth, Keith.” Shiro’s eyes darkened. Keith could see how Shiro’s body tensed.

Keith knew that resist Shiro’s question was futile. After all those years, he learned that every room had a corner and when it was oval, one created corners in his mind to avoid insanity. Corners were for cowards, but also for people who haven’t forgotten to be afraid. Fear was good, it kept people from doing crazy things, like fight till there was no more. Keith had one big concern, and it tightly connected him with Shiro’s person.

Never leave people or things behind.

Avoiding this subject, Keith had to give up and open his mind and heart to keep Shiro in his current spot. For Shiro, he was able to give up, throw away his pride aside and be the devoted man Shiro needed.

“ _Ah_ …” Keith rubbed his forehead, “a lot of things Shiro. Bad things. You had disappeared, I fucked up, aliens, the space crisis, me being an alien, a lot of shit happened.”

“What happened on Earth when I was gone?” Shiro asked again.

“I told you just second ago.”

“I don’t want to hear about lions and caves. I want to know what you were doing one year, alone. I want to know.”

Keith felt how his headache is getting worse. Despite his pain, Bianca was calm the whole day. Maybe she just had mercy on him, feeling his pain she stopped rolling in his belly like a ball.

“Shiro,” Keith uttered his name lovingly, but with sadness in his voice, “You have never told me what they have done to you. I know you remember since you have pretty vivid nightmares.”

“This is not about me.” Shiro shook his head. “Please don’t try to change the subject.”

“Subject?” Keith grabbed a pillow and threw it at Shiro, “you are not a subject! You are Shiro, and you suffer, but you don’t talk to me about your pain. Two can play this game!”

Shiro couldn’t help but laugh. Not because he willingly let the pillow hit his head, but because Keith just used his own tactic on him.

“At this tempo, we’re going to get lost in our games.” Shiro put the pillow down on his lap.

“You started it.”

“Alright, alright.“ Shiro surrendered with a smile, „you’re right. This whole situation is not fair. Do you agree?“

Keith nodded, „you first.“

Shiro gave him a curious look. For a moment both of them were silent. The more Shiro was looking into Keith’s eyes, the more Keith’s eyebrows wrinkled in unspoken, internal anger.

„Stand up from the cold floor, you idiot!“

Shiro smiled but refused to move. Instead of that he put the pillow under his ass and earned a sigh from Keith.

“Who’s stubborn now,” Keith rolled his eyes.

“Changing the subject again?”

“Are you an idiot Shiro?!” Keith exclaimed irritably, “why are you doing this to me! Stand up from the floor, or I swear that I tied you up to the bed in the middle of the night!”

“I like this side of you,” Shiro had to smile, “Have I told you that already?”

“Shiro, this is my last warning!” Keith sat up.

“I’m sitting on the pillow; it’s soft and warm! I refuse to sit next to you because you will hit me every time I will not agree with you!” Shiro whimpered.

“Are you kidding me?!” Keith’s jaw dropped.

Shiro couldn’t take it anymore, he snorted with laughter, when Keith suddenly stood up too fast for a pregnant person. He paced angrily to Shiro and smacked the back of his head.

“To bed, now!” he pointed his index finger to bed. “Don’t make me repeat myself!”

“I’ve told you, you will hit me.” Shiro resigned. He stood up, taking the pillow with himself.

Keith nervously rubbed his forehead. About a month their daughter will see the light of the universe. Just a small innocent and a powerless bundle of scream, and what is Shiro doing? He’s playing the big baby.

“I feel like your father and not a lover. You’re such a prick sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiro smiled softly, “come here,” He stretched out his arms to Keith.

“You promise to behave?”

“Of course, the bad wolf Shiro is dead! Stabbed and now he rots in hell.”

Keith couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He knew Shiro was trying to ease the toxic situation between them.

“I’m going to sit here,” Keith nodded his head to a chair, “because I can’t get angry at you when you're holding me.”

Shiro pouted, and Keith had to look away to be able to stand up for his own word and not fall into Shiro’s arms. When both of them found a comfort on their spots, Shiro got nervous and started to rub his palms together because he knew he couldn't avoid the topic any longer.  

 “Shiro,” Keith muttered, “I know you’re nervous. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you. You don’t have to tell me right now, at this moment. I know it’s hard for you. I just want you to promise me, that someday, I hope soon, you will tell me what happened. It’s up to you.”

Shiro lowered his head. Keith’s words washed away a sudden wave of panic. He nodded and took a deep breath.

“I just wish I could know why they took your arm so that I can better understand your misery.”

“Same here,” Shiro brought attention back to Keith, “you have changed, a lot.”

“Well you asked me to marry you, so I assumed,” Keith leaned back in the chair, “you were happy with me.” He folded his arms.

“I’m happy with you. I’m just saying; _you have changed a lot_.”

“Shit happened while you were gone.” Keith felt as they are falling into the old habit again.

“Then tell me about the shit that happened.”

“Shiro, you’ve said that they did experiments on you. We had a long and stressful conversation, and I treasure every moment of it. I feel proud that you trust me so much to tell me your worst experience.” Keith shifted in his place, feeling uncomfortable just thinking about it.

“But I never told you why they took my arm.” Shiro sighed, starting to feel annoyed with himself. The words Keith needed to hear, have stuck on his tongue.

“Do you want to know a secret for a secret?” Keith asked.

“It’s not a secret, Keith.”

“We are family,” Keith poked his belly, “we three,” Bianca responded almost immediately, she pressed her tiny hand against the spot where Keith poked.

Shiro covered his eyes with his palms and closed his eyes. The situation was now even worse because he knew, Keith won’t stay. His heart has felt abandoned.

 “Talk to me, please,” Keith begged.

“Tell me what happened while I was gone.” Shiro didn’t change his position.

“It’s past.”

 “Keith!” Shiro sounded desperate, “I'm losing you! Every morning I wake up, a part of you is gone. I can’t handle this anymore!”

“Maybe that’s because I don’t belong here, Shiro.”

“Bullshit!” Shiro clenched his teeth. All the anger from behind a month was back in his veins, making him tear apart the fragile bond between them.

“I’m your husband,” Keith looked at him, “and you don’t trust me.”

“I trust you more than I trust myself!” Shiro got out of the bed, “is it only because you thought I am dead?”

“And that’s not good enough reason for you?” Keith blurted, “I’m tired of this.” He waved his hand, “when we stopped to trust each other?”

Shiro bowed his head feeling like the guilty just sat on his head, trying to make him kneel, break him. He tried to fight off the feeling that was convincing him their bond was falling apart.

 “You know what I love about Zero G the most?” Keith asked softly.

When Shiro shook his head, he continued; “You pick where’s down and where’s up. It’s about how your heart feels it.”

“You can’t leave us here.” Shiro gasped in disbelief. He put his palm over his mouth, but it was too late.

“I won’t,” Keith has carefully stood up from the chair.

“No, you don’t understand,” Shiro cried, “you think that telling me you will come back, or that I’ll always be in your heart is enough, but it’s not! It’s just romantic nonsense. I don’t need to be anywhere; I need to be with _you_!”

Keith closed his eyes for a moment, trying to recollect his sanity. The memories of Shiro leaving him because of the Kerberos mission has flooded his mind like a river. There was no helping; they were like two separate chambers of the human heart. So close, inseparable, but still not able to touch each other.

“They kicked me out from the school because of the medical condition.” Keith passed around Shiro to their bed. He pulled out the duvet and settled down on the mattress.

“What happened?” Shiro squatted in front of him. He took both of Keith’s hands between his palms and squeezed them softly.

“I was losing concentration because of the visions. After the troops had declared you dead, I tried to push you out of my mind.”

Shiro nodded, trying not to interrupt Keith. His stomach twisted with panic, leaving his body numb, but strong enough to hold Keith.

“When I had time, I went into the desert, back home. The house was in a horrible state.” Keith had remembered how when he opened the door he found all the furniture broken. The wooden floor rotted through the years because of the rain that was falling through the hole in the roof.

“I started to work. I was helping an old man in the city with his shop.”

“The repair shop.” Shiro nodded.

“Yeah, you know all of this. I had no time to study properly because I was obsessed with the repairing. It helped me not to think about you. I pushed the school away. My grades dropped, but somewhat I still managed to be the best pilot in the class,” Keith smiled, “but to be honest, it wasn’t difficult.”

Shiro smiled, feeling like his anxiety stopped at the bearable level. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Keith’s palm.

“Then more I pushed you back, the more my dreams were getting worse. I dreamed about you as you were falling into the sun, calling my name. I tried to avoid sleep, so I got on my hoverbike and was flying over the desert until I found the caves. After that, I started to have weird visions even when I was not sleeping.” Keith tiredly tilted his head back, “but you know about this.”

“Babe,” Shiro bit his bottom lip, not knowing what to say.

“Look,” Keith sighed, “Lions in my head, weird dreams, I thought I was crazy. I went to a doctor because, well, I needed help. The medicaments were too strong I couldn’t fly.”

“Babe…”Shiro repeated as if the one word could resolve the tension between them.

“Yeah, your husband is a maniac.” Keith laughed, but soon his laughter died on his lips together with the smile. He dropped his gaze and furrowed.

“I’m fine now when I know that they weren’t hallucinations.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Shiro felt useless, together with his weak attempt to not react scared.

“What did you think when you saw me? That I’m just another hallucination?” Shiro lowered his head, slowly he bend down and laid his head on Keith’s thighs.

“Well, it came out like truth, so basically there was nothing to worry about, I was not crazy.”

“They had kicked you out of the Garrison because they’ve thought you were going crazy? That’s…” Shiro mumbled with his face buried in Keith’s lap.

“I had a breakdown, and somehow I managed to destroy two million dollars expensive hover ship model.” Keith scratched his temple. “I was flying above the cave when I had three seconds long black out. It was long enough to crush down the ship.”

Shiro straightened. He placed his hands on his thighs and looked at Keith who seemed to be embarrassed with himself. It didn’t take him long to laugh.

“You think it’s funny now, but I crushed a ship, Takashi, I could have died!” Keith smacked his left shoulder. “Dumbelin!”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Surprised, Shiro has raised an eyebrow, “ _Hey!_ I forgot about this nickname.”

“I just remembered, because you’re such a prick.”

“Second time today.” Shiro smiled, but his smile was sad and almost pitiful.

“Shiro…” Keith had to hold his breath to maintain his emotions.

“When you come back,” he looked Keith’s into eyes, “I’ll tell you why they took off my arm.”

Keith's face didn’t change. He dropped his shoulders, knowing that he just break Shiro’s heart, his trust, and smashed his soul into thousands of pieces. He didn’t ask Shiro again if he’s with him because as Shiro said, he doesn’t need to be anywhere but with Keith.

“You know what, babe?” Shiro asked.

“What, Dumbelin?”

“I like your crazy self, and I like your present self. I like everything about you.”

“My crazy self?” Keith asked curiously; “Are you kidding me? It was the worst—“

Shiro pushed himself on his knees, placing his hands on Keith’s thighs. Suddenly he was at the same height level as Keith. He spread Keith’s legs and leaned to Keith, kissing him on the lips.

“I love you, I can deal with that,” Shiro whispered in between their kisses, “I can do anything when I’m with you.”

Now it was Shiro who broke his heart, but not into thousands but two pieces because big things hurt more, longer and are too dense to brush off. Keith deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s neck.

“I’m sorry I laughed,” Shiro stroked his cheek, “you’re very brave, babe.”

“I should have known better, not to fly in such mental state. It was only my mistake.”

“It’s not like that,” Shiro’s eyes have softened, “it’s that…” he lowered his head, shaking it in disbelief.

“What?” Keith felt uneasy, “Did I disappoint you? I have failed! Just…”

“No!” Shiro grabbed his hands, still looking down, “I’m trying to be as strong as you are.”

Keith blinked. He looked down at his lover, trying not to spill out the first thing on his tongue. At the base, Keith was that famous guy with no filter. He spoke his mind freely until Shiro had to warn him. A lot of things have changed because of Shiro.

Keith’s whole life has changed.

“Takashi,” Keith ran his fingers through his hair, “don’t mistake my stupidity with real courage.”

“You always talk so low about yourself,” Shiro furrowed, “I don’t like it.” He straightened himself again, looking into Keith’s eyes. “I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

“We already talked about this.” Keith smiled.

“But you still don’t—“

“I’m stupid because I want to leave my almost husband so that I can take a peek into the parallel universe. There’s nobody as stupid as I am. Just ask Lance.”

Shiro sighed. He rubbed his tired eyes, knowing that soon Allura will come check them up. The whole conversation about Keith’s leaving them was massive as a black hole, sucking them inside, tearing them apart, and changing them into unknown form.

“It doesn’t matter how many times I’ll ask you to stay you will not.” Shiro stood up. “Though you know how stupid you are.”

Keith scratched his eyebrow with a smirk, “finally you can see into my head. I’m nothing but a stupid man.”

“You’ll die,” Shiro turned to leave, “and your stupidity will not save you this time.”

“I will not die!” Keith replied before Shiro could exit the room, “I will not die as long as you’re alive. I will never die.”

Shiro laid his hand on the metal frame of the door, trying to crush it with his metal arm. He clenched his teeth, hissing when psychological pain exceeded the limit. He banged his right arm against the wall few times, leaving it scratched. Then the door has closed, and Shiro was gone.

Keith buried his face into his palms. There was something, even more, stronger than the gravitation. He could feel it when Shiro left him behind, during the Blade of Marmora trial. It was just his hallucination, but it almost broke his heart into pieces.

 

_“Then you have chosen to be alone.”_

_“I will never choose to walk without you.”_

 

    Keith tried to remember how it feels to see sunrise after long and moonless night. He was half asleep on the sofa with a plate of a cold meat with bread, when the lights have turned on, and Hunk walked in the resting room. Keith opened his eyes, taking a deep breath. He hissed when a spasm ran through his belly like lightning, leaving him nailed on the spot.

“Keith,” Hunk took a few step closer to the sofa, “does Shiro know you’re sleeping here?”

“No,” Keith hissed painfully again, “I think I’m…”

“You what?” Hunk put away his glass of water. Immediately he kneeled in front of Keith. “Do you have contractions?”

“How the fuck I should know how contractions feel?” Keith’s breathing has fastened.

“I think you have!”

“No, I don’t! It’s too soon!” Keith grabbed Hunk’s hand to prevent him from leaving the room. “Don’t you fucking dare to call someone! I’m fine!”

“Are you serious?” Hunk scowled at him, “you’re in pain!”

Keith hid his face into to cushions, trying to take control over his own damned body. He knew it has to be because of the stress and uncomfortable conversation he had with Shiro earlier that evening.

“Fuck!” Keith cried painfully, trying not to roll on his belly.

“That’s it!” Hunk pulled away from Keith who started to yelling and swearing, calling Hunk bitch and traitor. When Hunk slammed the intercom, Keith started to cry.

“I’m not anything! For fuck sake!” Hunk ran back to Keith, very carefully taking him into his arms. He lifted his body and just then he noticed the blood stain on the sofa. He clenched his jaw, quickly walking through the door.

“What happened?! What happened!” he heard Shiro screaming from the back of the hallway.

“The infirmary!” Hunk yelled back, “are Allura and Coran awake?!”

“What happened?” Shiro felt tears in his eyes. Just in a second, he was by Hunk, not hearing his calling and begging. There was a woman’s voice from behind. He didn’t know if it was Allura or Pidge.

“Put yourself together!” Lance yelled, grabbing Shiro by his shoulder a turning him around to face him. “Hunk to the infirmary! Quickly!”

_“Are we heroes now?”_

_“Why? Do heroes kill people?”_

_“It depends on who you think the heroes are.”_

_“Definitely not us.”_

_“Why?”_

_“We have chosen each other before people, Shiro. That’s not what my heroes do.”_

_“And who are your heroes?”_

_“No one.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe me, I have a huge dilemma for the next chapter. But I'm the worst.


	8. 4. Shame is a soul eating emotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/2 of you will probably start to hate me after this chapter. But you should know it was very hard for me to make a choice. I wish I could stop being such a little shit. But there's one thing that I can promise you. The next chapter will be full of action.
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter.

Shiro was sitting on the floor, next to Keith’s bed. His look was empty, completely lost in the memories and times. He couldn’t feel the coldness that was crawling up from the floor into his bones, into his blood, leaving him numb. The place was unknown, space didn’t exist, and everything has lost its meaning. The only thing he could hear and feel was the loud drumming of his heart.

His mind went blank as a sheet of paper.

Just three days ago he had to say goodbye to his daughter. It was the most horrifying thing he had to witness. He would rather fight thousands of battles in the Galra arena than see his daughter dead. He would rather fight alone the whole universe than losing his precious baby. She was a miracle a crack in the system, the precious gift from his beloved fiancé.

He could still see her motionless body covered in Keith’s blood. Her closed eyes, the tiny nose, and her small hands. He held her tight to his body, his tears dropping down her face. The world he knew, the space he felt closing its grip on his soul, everything was gone. He fell into the small but intense hell inside his head. He felt his skull melting, bones cracking into pieces. And his heart was no more.

That night, when his baby had no chance to say goodbye, Keith almost died on the table. The bleeding was so massive that only his Galran immunity system had kept him alive. The blood was everywhere around him. Nobody could give him a transfusion. The loss of blood led him into unconsciousness. About an hour ago, Coran came to Shiro with a bad new. Coran face was pale, his eyes tired, he looked broken. _Keith’s body suffers an unknown infection._ Bianca had no chance to survive the sickness that she accidentally woke up inside of Keith’s blood system.

Coran assumed that the virus that infected Keith’s blood was a sleeping bomb, waiting for the right move to wake up. He didn’t know if they are infected too because they touched Keith’s blood. He was sure only on one thing; there was no cure. Not even Galra had knowledge about such sickness. No known race could help them.

Shiro had died that night seven thousand times and every time in a different way. He couldn’t concentrate, talk, eat, drink, sleep, or move. Bianca left a massive black hole instead of his heart. It was consuming him cell by cell.

“Shiro please, don’t sit on the cold floor.” Allura kneeled next to Shiro. Her face was full of worries. She sat on her heels and looked at the ground.

“It’s four days,” she whispered, “Shiro, we…”

“She’s gone,” Shiro replied with a stoic face, looking into nothingness, “and I will lose both of them.”

“No, you’re not going to lose Keith! He’s strong! Stronger than any of us.”

“Yes, I will. There’s no cure. Keith’s going to die because I pressured him.”

“Shiro!” Allura clenched her fists, “it’s not your fault! Neither Keith’s. It’s just a biology that is unknown even to us. The sickness that is consuming his body is out of our universe!”

“Now what?” Shiro snapped. He looked into Allura’s eyes. “You’re telling me that if I allowed him immediately go into that fucking parallel reality, Bianca could survive? And you’re telling me, it’s not my fault?!”

“Shiro!”

“Fuck this all!” He screamed. “ He clenched his teeth and sucking air through them like a wild animal. His heart pumped the madness into his veins like blood.

 “Shiro!” Allura stood up, surpassing her tears, “I know how it feels to lose someone beloved, to give up their life. Please, concentrate on Keith. He needs you more than before!”

Shiro went silent. Everything was orbiting around that damn parallel universe. It was like a super massive black hole, sucking the whole galaxies into a void. Allura’s words bounced off his body like raindrops, flowing down his skin unnoticed.

“I still have her face before my eyes. That numb, dead face.”  Shiro rested his arms on the mattress. He laid his head on them watching Keith’s sleeping face. “If Keith wakes up, it will devastate him.”

“Maybe,” Allura replied softly, “but still, he has you.”

Shiro closed his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed because of the unwanted tears that have appeared in his eyes. He tried to push away all the emotions, but his heart was screaming, trembling in his chest like a naked flesh in the winter. It was too much of pain for a single person.

“Her name was Bianca,” Shiro sobbed, “she was beautiful.”

Allura lowered her gaze on the floor. She laced her fingers together, similar to Shiro – trying to surpass her feelings. Shiro was crying in a way that was distant from her. Human’s body was fragile from inside out. They found their greater power in their feelings, and sometimes the feelings could drown them, but and if they made it out alive, they came back even stronger.

“Baby I’m sorry.” Shiro buried his head in his arms.

 

_“What do you want from life?”_

_“Shiro, come on, such question…”_

_“Tell me the first thing you think about when I say A GOOD LIFE!”_

_“Peace.”_

It’s always night in the space, but Shiro’s nights have changed into infinity days with no sunlight and warm. Most of the time he was present in the infirmary, reading the diary of Keith’s mom. Coran believed that the cure was hidden in between the lines of her notes. Shiro massaged his temple feeling the headache crawling down his spine like a spider. His back hurt, he wanted to stretch himself next to Keith again.

Shiro ran his fingers through his hair, getting nervous and stressed because of the lack of sleep and hunger. Fourteen days have passed since the miscarriage and Keith didn’t even flinch. Shiro has fallen into a lethargic depression. He got nervous or didn’t care at all. He refused to talk to other, locking himself with Keith. Pidge called him paranoid because Shiro thought they would hurt Keith. Everything has fallen into a daily stereotype until one night, Slav found a way through the ventilation.

“Don’t kill me!” Slav yelled from behind the bed, “I came in peace!”

Shiro’s right arm glowed dangerously, his fingers clenched into a fist, giving Slav the most hateful look he was able to give.

“Shiro, please,” Slav raised four of his hands in desperation, “I want to help you.”

“Fuck off!”

“Listen to me!” Slav insisted, “I was working on my project about parallel realities. There’s almost no chance that we can cure Keith here on this ship or in this reality!”

Shiro’s face darkened. The diodes on his right arm went off only because his fingers have wrapped around Slav’s narrow neck.

“What did you say?” Shiro frowned at him.

“We,” Slav clenched his small hands around Shiro’s wrist. “can help him only in the parallel universe.” He tried to take a deep breath. He felt like his head is going to explode because of the lack of air.

Shiro’s eased his grip, and even his eyes got softer when he thought of Keith. There was something distant about them as if he was already looking into the parallel universe.

“I could save her if I allowed him to go _there._ ”

“It’s not that easy.” Slav coughed, “unfortunately I could finish my research just now. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Shiro dropped his arm back to his body.

“It doesn’t matter that Keith will die?” Slav raised his voice, “boy you lost some of your brains.”

“Go away, Slav.” Shiro turned to the bed and sat down. 

“Life is dangerous, Shiro, but we must fight.”

“Do you actually want him back?” a sudden voice came from the main door. Shiro twisted his head to look at Hunk. He folded his arms on his chest, dangerously frowning. Pidge has appeared behind him, hands full of her hack devices.

“I know you’re afraid of his reaction. But it’s Keith!” Hunk stepped inside the room. “You know him better than anyone on this ship. Have some faith in him.”

“You don’t know what are you are talking about,” Shiro muttered annoyingly.

“You’re protecting him twenty-four-seven because you’re afraid someone will hurt him. But you are hurting him because you won’t let us help him! You’re killing him!” Hunk’s word started to melt Shiro’s brain like asphalt melted on sunlight. Shiro’s face has turned into a painful grimace.

The whole situation could be absurd for others, but Shiro was skating on a thin ice which representing his mental state. Every wall in his mind was too small and fragile. Just one punch could shatter his head like a mirror.

“Don’t tell me what to do with my fiancé.” Shiro rubbed his forehead.

“Well, if you have forgotten, Keith is our friend!” Hunk couldn’t believe his ears, “he doesn’t belong to you!”

“We can’t wait any longer,” Allura pressed her hands to her chest, “how can you do this to Keith?”

“What?!” Shiro yelled, “what I’m doing to him? I’m doing nothing! My damage is done!”

The room went silent. Lance leaned against the door, folding his arms on his chest. He looked at the floor, projecting his latest talk with Keith. What Lance remembered was too painful to tell aloud, but Shiro needed it. He built walls in his head, trying to protect Keith and himself from them. Shiro had to understand that no enemy was present in the room.

“Do you remember what Keith had told you when you came to pick him up from Orberus?” Lance refused to look at his friend, knowing that what he says will hurt him.

“Lance!” Pidge gave him a disagreeable look.

“This is not the right time,” Hunk agreed, “don’t make it worse!”

“Shiro!” Lance clenched his jaw, “you know that Marvel created my relationship with Keith,” he sighed, “but, look, the truth is, that I admire his survival skills.”

“Lance, you sound confused and…” Shiro settled down on the edge of Keith’s bed and buried his face in his palms.  

“I’m saying,” Lance started again, “that he can survive without _you._ ”

“ _Fuck_ he said that.” Hunk almost banged his head against the wall.

“Did you just swore?” Pidge asked.

“Let Slav repair the damage.” Said Allura.

Shiro looked into his palms. Keith was lying just right next to him. His eyes closed, skin looking too pale and unhealthy. It was too long, and he selfishly risked the brain damage. _Yes_ , he was scared that Keith would leave him again. He hated to be alone. He spent the worse year in his life alone, thinking about blue and green because the place was nothing but dark hell rift. But what drives him crazy was the thought of Keith after they let him know about Bianca. Everybody around Keith was dying as if he carried a curse inside of himself. _We three, we are a family._

The void was whispering to Shiro, convincing him to let go of Keith. _Let him rest, let him go, he’s almost dead._ The paranoia clasped his hands around his neck, choking him until he makes a decision.

“I know what are you thinking about,” Allura sat down next to Shiro, “that he will leave you the second he opens his eyes, that he won’t be able to bear the pain of the lost.”

Shiro drew his lips inside. He tried to calm down his rapid breathing, but the panic attack felt like made of flesh and bones. He had to take deep breaths to be able even to breathe, to survive because the heaviness on his chest was slowly killing him. 

“You know it’s true,” Shiro gripped the edge of the bed, “Lance’s right. There’s nothing to do anymore. Keith is…” Shiro stood up, he folded his arms behind his head, facing the wall.

“Leave me alone.” His plea sounded too cold for others to argue with him. “I won’t lock the door. Just leave me alone. I need to think.”

Allura was the last who left the room. She gave Shiro the last look before the doors have closed. She could almost feel the anxiety that has wrapped its arms around Shiro like a dark coat. _Something_ dangerous and thick crawled inside of Shiro’s heart.

The room felt possessed with silence. The silence was the worst demon with Shiro had to fight.  Invisible and hot as hell.

“Are you selfish?” Shiro asked himself. “Answer you bastard.” He closed his eyes. When he laid the questions aloud, he was able to feel the real heaviness and importance matter.

“What are you doing, Shiro? What the fuck are you doing?!” He turned his gaze at sleeping, Keith. All the machines around him looked like mechanic wings prepared to take his lover away from him.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Shiro bend down, “I’ll bring you home,” he smiled through his teary eyes, brushing off the bangs.

“It’s time to go home,” he kissed Keith’s forehead.

 

         Everybody seemed to be confused by Slav’s presentation. Even Pidge had to raise her eyebrow, to understand what the addle-headed alien wanted to say. Coran was tilting his head from side to side. He tapped his finger on his lips.

“I think I got it!” He lifted a finger.

“Really?” all the paladins looked at him skeptically.

“No.” Coran dropped his shoulders, “it’s just confusing me!”

“I think,” Allura concentrated at the numbers on the wall, “it’s a wormhole?  Is this a taken from Alleiah’s diary?”

“Yes!” Slav waved with all of his four hands, “yes my princess it is!”

 “Slav, do you want to construct a wormhole?” Shiro leaned against the table, reading the numbers. He could recognize two equations, and that was enough for him to know what’s going on.

“We can!” Slav agreed, “We don’t have enough time to find the right portal to Keith’s reality, so we have to make one.”

“I don’t understand how it will work,” The sweat covered whole Hunk’s face.

“ _Ew_ ,” Lance was standing right next to him, but he noticed just now how Hunk was trying to understand every number screened on the wall.

“Well,” Slav folded all his arms, “the journey says that the people from Keith’s reality have a cure for illness knowing as _potampulus._ They vaccinate their kids when they reach the age of two years. But as we are aware, Aleiah took Keith when he was just a baby.

“Keith’s reality?” Lance asked.

“Let’s call it like that.” Slav climbed on the table and stretched his arm to point at the unusual equation. “I bet nobody knows what this is.”

“Well, _uh…_ ” Pidge scratched her head, “…that one could be about gravitation.”

“Blackhole?” Shiro asked suddenly.

“What?” Hunk pressed his palm on his face, “no, Shiro, no _no no no._ Nobody needs a black hole. You’re just tired. Too tired. We learned about possible traveling through black and worms holes, but this is stupid. It’s just a theory! It will destroy you! _Boom!_ ”

“Well, actually,” Pidge said, “black hole will tear you apart, changing your form into energy, you would not explode.”

“Even worse!”

“Keith’s theory,” Shiro turned to look at Pidge, “do you remember Keith’s _crazy_ theory about traveling through black holes?”

“But Shiro, that was just a  joke. Magnetic field had to be stronger than the gravitation of the black hole, and that’s impossible.”

“That’s true!” Slav climbed down from the table.

“Allura,” Slav turned off the projector and took a chalk, “you remember the journey you had together with Coran in the tunnel?”

“You mean, the time lapse?” She asked.

“Yes! That’s it!” Slav tapped a finger on his chin, and then he broke the long black chalk into two pieces and started to draw with two of his hands on the wall. 

“What are you doing?!” Coran bristled almost like a cat, “he is drawing on my ship!”

“But that was an anomaly,” Pidge ignored Coran’s cry, “Haggar’s magic caused it.”

“Yes!” Slav mumbled, “and we all know that Haggar is Altean.”

The room fell into silence for the second time. Allura just sighed. For her, it was like a slap in her face. A hard slap for a strong Altean woman. She could endure Galra’s heavy punches, but this was that strong that it would break the ship into two.

“I don’t think Altean’s magic could be able to cause such abnormality.”

“What about Shiro?” Lance placed his hands on his hips, “Galra technology with Altean technology together. That’s what Haggar did right? Mojo and _blah blah._ ” He smirked.

“That’s actually a good idea,” Allura smiled.

“Of course it is.” Lance nodded, “wait for real?”

“Can we all, calm down?” Hunk lifted his hands, “and can someone explain to me, step by step what just happened? I mean, start with Keith and end here.”

“Keith is in coma,” Pidge answered.

“Yeah, I know that.”

 “He suffers an unknown sickness,” Lance added.

“Yeah.”

“Aleiah had written about the sickness in her journey. She said that they have a cure for this disease in Keith’s reality.” Pidge took off her glasses to wiped them on her shirt.  

“I got this.” Hunk nodded.

“Because we have not enough time to find the right gate, Slav came with a plan how to create a wormhole to Keith’s universe and heal him.”

“Alright, but that’s the problem. I can’t follow here.” Hunk sighed, “guys I’m good at navigation and at biology and physics too, but this sounds like mojo as Lance said. Pure Mojo. We are not knights of the round table, and Shiro’s not Lancelot.”

“He’s more like King Arthur, and Keith is Lancelot,” Pidge muttered.

“King Arthur?” Allura looked at them curiously, “is this king a magician?”

“Well _uh,_ ” Pidge cleared her throat, “it’s mythology. King Arthur doesn’t exist.”

“Oh.”

“Fine!” Shiro stepped into their chaotic conversation, “Allura tell me what to do with my arm so we can create the imitation of Haggar’s spell.”

“I think there would be a small problem,” said Coran with a sponge in his hand, prepared to wash away the chalk from the wall, “It was more like druid magic, and your arm has no source of magic.”

“But we can connect it to my source,” Allura moved next to Shiro, he took his right hand into her both palms and squeezed it. “We can beat the energy through your arm.” Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. Shiro looked into her eyes. He blinked few times to be sure what does her look means, but Allura seemed not to be absent, looking somewhere into the future.

“Uhm, guys?” Lance interrupted them, “I feel very annoyed. First Keith and now Shiro. Why not me? I’m good looking, smart and strong!”

“That could work,” Pidge nodded, ignoring Lance’s cry for this time.

“We have to make a few preparation and first,” Slav opened the door, “we have to find crystals for the energy source.”

 “Hunk, Lance,” Allura finally let go of Shiro’s hand, “I have a dangerous mission for you.”

“A piece of cake,” Lance leaned against the table, looking at his nails. “Nothing can stop the almighty Lance from saving Keith.”

“Well I can,” Shiro smacked the back of his head, “be careful! No joking!”

 

         That night Hunk came to visit Slav and Pidge in the lab. He couldn’t sleep even though a dangerous mission was waiting for him in a few hours. Just right now was Slav working at the mechanism for the energy transfer. Pidge was half asleep, trying to count, or read, he couldn’t say.

“Hey guys,” Hunk greeted.

“Good you’re here!” Slav waved his hand, “Pidge said you’re a great mechanic.”

“Well, that’s…” Hunk laughed in embarrassment. Then he spotted the cup of the strawberry tea. His smile faded away.

“Keith’s favorite.” For a second he got lost in memories. All the bond moments he had with the _cold nose_ Red Paladin popped up into the light like snowflakes.

Most of the time Keith was just distant, but if someone asked him for help, he was more than willing to give a hand. And what was more important, he was Shiro’s right hand. They were born to be together, but like two fools they always had found a way how to separate their ways. Maybe they were convinced that nothing could tear them apart.

“We’ll get him back,” Pidge didn’t take off her eyes from the monitor, but her voice was stern and steady.

“I’ll help you!” Hunk nodded.

“You’ll have a mission in few hours.”

“I can do both!”

While working with Slav, Hunk followed each step by step Slav typed on the paper. He never saw a similar construction but was a quick learner, a good help for Slav. After two hours of hard working, Hunk stretched his back and took a few slips from the strawberry tea.

“I still have a few question about our plan.”

“Go ahead.” Slav climbed on the top of the transfer machine.  “Lend me the screw-wrench! I left it on the workbench.”

“At first,” Hunk gave him the implement, “How’s this machine mojo?”

“This device will connect the spell and transfer it into the gate. Next step is a check. We have to check if the spell worked. That would be Shiro’s work. His lion will protect him from any casualties. He won’t get trap in the time loop. He will just fly away from the tunnel.”

“Just like the last time,” Hunk nodded. He looked into his half empty cup and tapped his fingers on the ceramic.

“Another question! We have talked about Keith’s reality, but I’m afraid I didn’t understand it. The journal of his mom is saying that the Galra enslaved the humanity. If the cure is there, how the hell we’re going to fight through the mess to find it?!”

“Well ask!” Slav threw away the screw and smacked his fist on the stubborn piece of metal.

“You will fight.”

Hunk opened his mouth to answer, but immediately shut it, “can’t we just ask for the cure? We can tell them that we’re space traveler and we just want a small pill for our friend? Maybe in Keith’s reality, humanity is evil and Galra good?”

“Aleiah’s diary says something else.” Said Pidge.

“Alright,” Hunk nodded, “you know, sometimes I sound scared, and I wish for less violent ways to get what we need, but this time, I guess, we had no chance.”

“But we can hide at a safe point. Do you know any theories about the parallel universes?”

“Yeah, we have learned about them, but it still sounded too stupid for me. But look, I know how it works, but that’s all. I don’t know more about it. The laws of the physic may be different from the air could be toxic for us. We’re talking about these kinds of things.”

“Yes!” Slav climbed down, “these things are real, and that’s why we’re going into the _Ghost line._ ”

“Who give it a name!” Hunk whined, “that’s not alright!”

“In the Ghost line we wouldn’t be visible for the others, but still we could feel what’s going on. It’s like you’re dead. You can see them, but they can’t see you. We can’t change anything from the Ghost line, but we should be safe.”

 “Whoa.” Pidge rubbed his eyes underneath her glasses, “that sounds cool.”

“So, every reality has a ghost line? Even this one? So you want me to say that somebody is on this ship stalking us as we…” Hunk felt his blood rushing to his cheeks.

“I can’t live anymore!”

Pidge rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to worry, Slav is blabbering.”

“What?!” Hunk shouted, “stop making fun of me!”

“Don’t worry!” Slav laughed, “the Ghost line is empty. It’s just a line that divided two realities. There’s nobody. But it’s dangerous for us. We have to be fast and careful.” 

“Too complicated, I would say.” Hunk sighed, “but smart, I guess.”

“Fairly speaking,” Slav looked with one eye into the cup, “we will enter the invisible line that divides two realities. Our reality and Keith’s reality. We are safe there as long as we will not fell into the pulse. The pulse is creating another reality. If we fall into a trap, then we will be lost forever. From this line, we are going to observe what’s gooing on. It’s like standing in a white fog. We’ll find the cure, snatch it and get back.”

“But it will not explode, right? The whole universe! Like _boom._ ” Hunk didn’t dare to ask _what if there will be no cure?_ It was their last chance to save Keith.

“We’ll borrow the Marmora technology,” Pidge sneezed, “I can’t wait for that.”

“The universe is full of paradox. Planets who rotate different from others, the flying planets, bio-planets. Universe has no rules, no system. It just exists. We are the only creation who tries to find answers to everything. Maybe we should stop.” Slav returned to work.

“If there’s no rule, why we are creating them?”

“Because we were created to give the universe some sense.”

 

         There was a handprint on the window in the Observatory room. It could fit Keith’s palm because Shiro knew it belonged to him. He remembered that night they’ve spent here, talking about home, about other planets, making plans.

His daughter won’t let him sleep. He just wanted to know how she looked like, to see her eyes, to hear her cry, laugh, to say, _dad._ The only thing that left was a small photo from the sonogram. And soon, maybe he will not be even able to remember Keith. 

Shiro caressed the photo with both of his thumbs. A sudden tear has fallen on the picture, and Shiro has found himself crying silently.

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re daddy’s girl. I love you.”

 

_“You remember very well what your father looked like.”_

_“Maybe my mind just have created a man I wished for my father.”_

“What are you doing here so late? How many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the cold floor! To you want to end up impotent and without your kidneys?” Keith folded his arms over his chest, shaking his head like a worried mother.

A sharp shock paralyzed Shiro’s body. He couldn’t move or stand up. His tears have stopped. Keith was standing right before him, wearing his soft cotton pajama pants. He was half-naked. His muscles toned and flexed, making a good show for Shiro’s teary eyes. He was too tired from crying and worrying. All he wanted was just close his eyes and let go of the pain – just fall to asleep.

“Why are you crying?” Keith asked. He moved closer to Shiro who noticed that Keith was barefoot. Everything about him looked so magnificent and soft.

“You woke up?” Shiro asked with trembling voice, “but h-how?”

“Did I?” Keith bent down. He placed both of his palms on Shiro's face, cupping and stroking it with his palms.

“Keith,” Shiro covered one of his hand with his palm. The touch felt real, soft and comfortable. Keith’s hands were warm, almost hot. His scent went right through his skin, possessing him with the essence. Shiro wanted to melt under Keith’s palms. It felt like hell on his skin, but like heaven in his heart. Finally, Shiro closed his eyes, waiting for his fate.

“Kiss me,” Shiro whispered.

“You are playing with fire,” Keith squatted, “do you want to get yourself burned?” he kissed Shiro on the mouth, pressing them together, but not allowing Shiro to make a way through his lips.

“I don’t understand.” Shiro opened eyes, “you are here and alive. But they said…”

“They have lied to you.”

“Babe…”

“They have lied to both of us. We have to run away.”

“What are you talking about?” Shiro looked into his eyes confused.

“I love you, Shiro,” the hug was sudden and firm. It made Shiro almost fell on the floor.

“ _God,_ I love you too.” Shiro exhaled, feeling the tears back in his eyes, “I love you so much. It would kill me if I’d lost you.”

“Of course it would not,” Keith whispered again, “don’t let my death get in your way.”

“What?”

“Do you want to risk everybody’s life to bring me back?”

“Keith?”

“Since when are you so selfish?” Keith pulled away from the hug and stood up. He didn’t mind Shiro’s confused and hurt look. “You disappointed me. I used to think about you as about my hero.”

Shiro stared at Keith’s lower abdomen. The surgery scar was missing. When he look better and Keith’s body, he noticed that his belly was a bit swollen. He pressed his palm on the skin when a small foot kicked his hand.

“We are dead.”

The heat flooded the whole room. Flames captured Keith’s body, and in a second it consumed him as if he was made of paper. Only ashes remained in the air, sparkling like fireflies.

 

         “You can’t forget how to fight; it’s like riding on Kaltenecker,” Lance smirked, but instead of praise, he was smacked by Shiro again.

“ _Whoa,_ man you look like hell!” Lance stretched out his hand, inspecting Shiro’s face. He poked his face, “wanna ride?”

“Lance!” Hunk smacked him again.

“What? I’m trying to lift up the spirit!”

“I don’t need you to lift my spirit!” Shiro spatted angrily, “my daughter is dead, and my fiancé is dying!”

When everybody has fallen into an awkward silence, Lance just lifted an eyebrow. He sighed, admitting his failure. He waved his arm, apologizing to Shiro.

“I know I should learn when to shut up, I’m sorry, Shiro.”

“Go, prepare yourself for the mission!”

Shiro left the room together with the massive cloud that was following him on every step. A storm above his head. Lance squeezed his eyes. He wouldn’t admit it, but he missed Keith’s presence. Even tough they fight a lot, they were still friends.

“This is what Keith meant when he said: _I don’t think you’re using the word correctly.”_ Hunk furrowed, he pursed his lips and poked Lance’s cheek.

“What?!”

“You speak before you think.”

“What?!”

“Nevermind!” Pidge called from behind, “go lift your spirit in your lion!”

“That was an insult!”

“I had a good teacher!”

Allura left the hangar right after Shiro. She tried to be very careful and silent when she was stalking her way after him. Shiro has changed overnight. He turned from the stoic person into a timing bomb. Even this morning, Shiro had barely spoken to her. Just a few hours ago he was impatient, wanted to know everything about the spell connection, but now, he was a walking corpse. Of course, she understood his situation, but she had learned through the times, that hope is why they’re alive at the first place. As she followed Shiro to the infirmary, she swore to herself, that she would bring Keith back.

“Shiro!” she stepped into the room right behind him, “we have to talk.”

“Do you want to lift my spirit as Lance wanted?” he stripped off his shirt, carelessly throwing it on the ground.

“Do you believe in what we are doing?” Allura clenched her fist. “Tell me the truth!”

“Why do you think I’m not?”

“Look, I know what is going on right now is too hard, but—“

“But what?” Shiro leaned to Allura almost forcefully, making her swing back. “What do you want, Allura?”

“You are too close!” She frowned.

“How far should I be?”

“I’m not going to have this kind of conversation in front of Keith.” She pulled away, “do what you want, but I’m not going to let Keith die!”

Before the door could close behind her, he angrily smashed the instrument table and sent it almost flying to doors. It crushed into one door wing. The tools flew out from the door, crashing into the wall. Allura flinched in shock. She looked at him through the gap of closing doors.

 

_“We are dead.”_

_“No, you are fucking not!”_

Shiro yelled through the metal door; “Will you give up on everything to bring him back?! Will you?!”

Allura picked up the chrome tray. She looked at her reflection while her ears were beaten by Shiro’s questions. She let go of her father, she let go of many people, and now when she can save just one of her friends, it has to be Shiro who’s challenging her morality.

Shiro, who is on the edge of losing his love.

She looked away from her reflection when she spotted tears in her eyes. She dropped the tray and stepped closer to the door. With a heavy sigh, she pressed her palm on the controller. The doors have opened, revealing Shiro’s fragile frame.

“I’m sorry,” he hugged himself, body shaking with tears, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to… I didn’t…”

Allura passed the mess that Shiro just created. There were too much of words she couldn’t say; like verbal vomit, only pain, and suffering. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around Shiro’s body, letting her tears fall on her cheeks.

“I’m scared,” Shiro whispered, “so _fucking_ scared.”

“Shiro, there’s no possible way how we could bring Keith’s back just using our medical equipment. He’s brain is dying. I have never seen this before. He’s not reacting to any medicine which is known to us. Our plan is the only way. It would take us too long to find a cure. Don’t let him die, Shiro! Don’t!”

“I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. He’ll be different, changed. I don’t…”

“Shiro, you know I would do anything for my Paladins. You saved us all. You are my family. Keith is like…” She blinked trying to find the right word, “like a brother to me.”

Shiro lifted both of his eyebrows, “ _really?”_

“Don’t make it sound weird.”

“I’m just asking.” Shiro shrugged.

“It’s not like that.”

“Well, he said the same thing to me when he fought at the Marmora trial.”

“That was different!” Allura sighed, “can we stop talking like that in front of Keith please?”

“Do you love him?”

“Shiro!” She slapped his shoulder but smiled immediately, “you’re such a…”

“Jerk, I know.” There was no way to make Shiro smile, not even see him smirk. His face reflected either anger or was stoic.

“Our plan is built on a solid background. It will work.”

Shiro nodded exhaustedly. He tried not to think about _what if_ because this plan literally meant everything to him. It was too dangerous, and crazy, but Keith’s last hope.

“Try to get some sleep,” she patted his shoulder, “I’ll let you know when Slav finishes the energy transformer.”

When Allura was gone, Shiro sat on the edge of Keith’s bed. He took off his boots and socks. He would kill for a good shower, but his body felt shattered, almost unable to move. Dropping his weight on the mattress, Shiro rolled on the side to face Keith.

“I’ll bring you back home.” Shiro laced their fingers. He fell asleep almost immediately as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m too weak to let go.”

 

_“I don’t want my death to get in your way.”_

_“You will not die.”_

_“Shiro, I will probably die because you worry too much. You are able to lock me in the closet refusing to open the door because you’d be too scared that something would get in the closet and kill me.”_

_“Yeah, probably.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We believe in Keith.  
> Don't forget to leave a comment. No comments no chapters  
> Also I'm on tumblr. Just click on my AO3 profile.


	9. 5. Shame built your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, almost 6K words. Maybe I'm the one who should be ashamed. I'm planning to finish this story within three chapters. I WISH I CAN DO THAT.  
> Thank you very much, all of you who read and especially you who left me a comment!  
> Again, I re-read it 5 times, but I can't anymore. I'm blind to any errors.  
> Please listen while reading: [DANCE WITH THE DEAD - Surrender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DuNqAnLddI)  
> Also, I want to re-write the first 2 chapters. So, we'll see.

At first, Shiro thought he has a problem with his brain. He couldn’t stop thinking about the catastrophic scenarios Slav was talking about. Every coin has two faces, but nobody knows which face it will show when the coin drops on the ground. Sometimes, like a mysterious entity, it stays on its edge. Keith stepped across this edge seventeen hours ago. He was definitely dying.

Shiro’s mind has flowed of possibilities how to save his lover. His body almost collapsed because brain asked for too much, it drove him crazy. Crystals, magic, math, physics and quantum philosophy. Parallel universe guided him to a crazy world of billion possibilities. He didn’t dare to estimate what impact it could have.

“It’s stupid to think about hope,” Kolivan put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, “think about what you’re doing, as about a chance to change everybody’s life and reality.”

“Sounds like Keith.”

“Hope brings disappointment, and that shouldn’t be your case.” Kolivan sighed, “you and Keith are very different people, but at the core, the thinnest and dark place you vibrates in the same tone.”

Shiro sighed exhaustedly. Nothing could prepare him for such conversation. His brain acted like there was a big explosion, a big bang of his existence. At this moment, he was convinced that he carries all the answers inside: the name of the cure, the hope which he should exchange for a chance.

 

_“You've disappointed me. I used to think about you as about my hero.”_

 

“You’re right,” Shiro looked at the shiny crystal attached to the transformer, “heroes don’t exist.”

 

    _“I’ve been thinking about the planet since we passed it a week ago.” Keith dropped his gaze on the floor, “do you know the planet is from 80% just water? It looks almost like Earth.”_

_“Yes, but the sulfides are toxic, babe.”_

_“I don’t care?” Keith pouted, trying to open the can of Altean soup, “what’s the mojo of this?” he shook the can._

_“The mojo is,” Shiro took the can from his lover’s hands, “to give it to Takashi so he can open it for his babe.”_

_“Stupid.” Keith rolled his eyes. He folded his arms over his chest, watching as Shiro popped open the lid and sniffed the soup._

_“Smells delicious, mmm.”_

_“Liar, your face has turned green.” Keith snatched the can and looked inside, “this is worse than green hummus.”_

_“Green hummus is yummy!” Shiro smiled, “it’s the healthier thing in this universe.”_

_“If there is a reality where they love green hummus, then I’m going to blow it up.” Keith threw the soup into the garbage. He rubbed his hands on his pants. The smell was so terrible that his body trembled._

_“What was that, bristling like a cat?” Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, “was it that bad, hm?”_

_“I want cheesecake.” Keith yawned his finger drawing lines over Shiro’s chest._

_“I don’t think Alteans know cheese.”_

_“But the mice!”_

_“Well,” Shiro pressed him tighter to his chest, “that’s not exactly a cheese. It looks like that, but it tastes like a stone.”_

_“How do you know how stones taste like?”_

_“Have you ever fell on your face in the desert?” Shiro looked into his eyes, “it’s similar to stone.”_

_“No, I haven’t, I’m not you, to falling on my face on the sand.”_

_Shiro laughed, he rubbed his left eye and rested his forehead against Keith’s shoulder. He tried to enjoy Keith warmth and his fragrance which remained him of the scent of air before the storm; warm, weighty and fresh. Sometimes he felt like he’s holding the wildest form of the weather, waiting for the lightings to light up the fire._

_“Shiro, I have to tell you something,” Keith cleared his throat. His fingers grabbed a fist full of his shirt, “I’m pregnant.”_

_Keith gave him a submitted look. His eyes almost sparkled with fear. For the first time in his life, he saw in Keith’s eyes pure fear which mingled with innocence. Shiro’s life was full of surprises. After the abduction, he thought nothing could surprise him more than aliens and their Gladiator arena. Sometimes he thought that all the Roman emperors came from other planets. Maybe they were masked Galrans, or mixed Galrans and Alteans, or maybe absolutely different species._

_That was it._

_But nobody had told him that a male could get pregnant. Male Galra or not._

_“H-how? What please?” Finally, Shiro managed to take a breath._

_Keith sighed, “look, you know what Coran told us when I had the intense fever?”_

_“Yeah, that it’s in your biology.”_

_“Right, but he didn’t tell you, that this fever, of whatever, is on a monthly basis.”_

_Shiro's face had changed from a frown into a smile, and after another Keith’s sigh, he started to laugh, trying to hold on Keith’s face and kiss it._

_“Stop you…!” Keith slapped his hands away, “I know what you’re thinking! I’m not a woman!”_

_“That’s definitely who you are not. But you’re an omega!”_

_“Shut up Takashi!”_

_“Never!” Shiro pulled his lover tightly to his chest, squeezing him like a plush toy. He couldn’t stop grinning. His face has turned into a bright white star minute before exploding._

_“Takashi!”_

_“Call me dad Takashi.”_

_“Dumbass.” Keith squeezed his nose. He had to smile because of Shiro’s funny voice._

_“No, dad dumbass.”_

_“Shiro!”_

_“Takashi!”_

_“Damnit!” Keith smacked his chest, “act like a proper adult!”_

_“Make me!”_

_“Takashi dumbass dad Shirogane,” Keith placed his hands on the sides of Shiro’s neck, “look at my lips and listen what I say!”_

_“Impossible!”_

_“Try!”_

_“I can’t look at your lips and listen to you! That’s like looking in the sun and listen to Bell’s theorem of quantum physics.”_

_Keith smiled, “Yes, that simple it is. Now, look,” he tilted his head, “I don’t know what happened to me. All I know is that my biology allows me to carry a child. I’m scared, confused, and I feel like shit right now.”_

_“Babe,” Shiro’s expression softened, “whatever happened to you…” he kissed Keith’s cheek, “I’m with you.”_

_“I’m the Red Paladin,” Keith’s throat tightened, “I’m the Red Paladin…”_

_“Yes, you are, and you’ll be.”_

_“How?” Keith’s emotions jumped from side to side. He felt between tearing up and destroying the whole room. Also, he could name his mental state: acute break-down._

_“I can tell you ten reasons 'why', but it’s up to you, to understand and accept who you are. My feelings and my opinions have not changed. You’re still my baby.”_

_Keith lowered his head. Now both of his fists clenched Shiro’s black tank top like the Holy Grail. The whole situation was above him, floating like a cloud in the stratosphere – he found the nonsense real._

_“I think it’s a cruel joke,” Keith couldn’t look into Shiro’s eyes, “you have to handle a freak.”_

_“A freak you say,” Shiro leaned back to look into his face, “I know nothing about a freak.”_

_“I’m a male, and pregnant.”_

_“So? It’s a miracle.” Shiro shrugged._

_“Miracles don’t exist.”_

_“Tough baby you are,” Shiro smiled and pulled him to his body. He rested his cheek on the side of Keith’s crown and closed his eyes, “headstrong.”_

_“Shiro, this is serious,” Keith’s voice has broke, “I’m pregnant, with a baby, not with a bag of candies!”_

_“Babe…”_

_“A little human you and I created! I don’t even know where, why and when!” Keith started to panic._

_“Babe…”_

_“Living human being! A mix of my blood and yours! What the hell is he or she going to be? A combination between half galra and a human.”_

_“Babe!” Shiro took his face into his palms, “listen to me!”_

_“A monster…”_

_“The baby’s going to be beautiful and smart and ours. Yes, our baby.” Shiro smiled, “not a freak, not a monster. We created a life in the cold dark space.”_

_“Whatever…” Keith looked away._

_Shiro swallowed his next words. Instead of that he just looked into Keith’s distant eyes. The violet orbs have darkened like the depth of the ocean. Something or someone killed the light in his face._

_“Let’s start again,” Shiro rubbed Keith’s bared shoulders, “what’s happening?” he asked, trying to sound curious._

_“This is not going to work,” Keith looked at the floor._

_“Try.”_

_Keith sighed, annoyed and exhausted. He didn’t tell Shiro that he was thinking about abortion in the first five minutes after Coran had said he’s pregnant. Even now, his mind was swimming in the dark water, slowly descending to the bottom._

_“Shiro,” Keith tapped his palm on Shiro’s broad chest, “I’m pregnant.”_

_“Like here and now?”_

_“No, in the kitchen and tomorrow.” Keith rolled his eyes. He let go of his lover and waved his hand. “Forget!”_

_“What?” Shiro shrugged his arms, “where are you going?”_

_“You are the worst, Takashi!” Keith shouted from the doors, “I’m going to Coran!”_

_“For what?”_

_Keith didn’t reply; he just disappeared behind the door of Shiro’s room. Shiro remained on the same spot, his brain rotating around one point, trying to understand what has just happened. Then, his mind flashed a picture before his eyes, a sad, dark look in the violet eyes._

 

    Shiro woke up due to a shaking. When he blinked away the sleep from his eyes, white hair flooded his view like a waterfall. It took him two seconds to recognize Allura’s eyes. He frowned.

“It’s time.” She nodded her expression stern and cold. “Now or never.”

Shiro lifted his body from the bed. He looked over his shoulder at sleeping Keith: his face showed signs of fever. He was still fighting the deadly disease.

“I’m proud of you,” Shiro leaned back and kissed his forehead, “just hold on a bit longer.”

“We have prepared the transformer and Slav’s entering calculations into the system.”

“Good,” Shiro stood up from the bed, he picked up his boots and walked to the door, “please prepare Keith for the transport.”

“Transport?” Allura turned to the closed door, “Shiro!”

Allura stepped into the Black Lion hangar right at the moment when Shiro put on his boots. She couldn’t believe how stoic his expression was as if she was looking at a robot. Every move was automatic.

“I won’t let you go alone!” She shouted from the door, “That’s suicide!”

“I won’t go alone,” Shiro walked inside the lion, “I’m going with Keith.”

“Shiro!”

“I can’t risk your lives!”

“We are risking our lives willingly! We want! For Keith!”

Shiro sighed and rolled is eyes when Allura appeared next to him in the cockpit. He rubbed his eyes, trying not to scold her again. With one big exception, the woman was like Keith. She always listened to Shiro and almost always agreed his plan. Keith was always listening and never agreed with anything where Shiro played the central role without his support. Nobody could separate them.

“We are going together,” She covered the Bayard with her palm.

“Keith’s right. I can’t risk your life because of him.”

“He wouldn’t say that!” Allura’s heart clenched.

“Of course he would,” Shiro smiled, “you know he would, and he did.”

“When?”

Her question remained unanswered. Allura gripped the handle of the Bayard. Forcibly, she pulled it out and almost fell on the floor.

“Allura!” Shiro growled, “give it back!”

“You’re not even in your suit! You are going anywhere!”

_“Princess, we’re ready! Tell Shiro to prepare for a test flight!”_

“Pidge,” Allura stepped back, “I have a problem with Shiro.”

_“What happened?”_

“He’s trying to…” Allura snatched her hand away from him.

“Give it back!” Shiro quickly moved forward, trying to grab his Bayard from Allura. She avoided his touch and backed to the wall. The cockpit was too small for maneuvering. She hid the Bayard behind her back, closing her eyes before the hell she was expecting.

“Allura,” Shiro leaned to her ear, “did you forget, I can fight without my Bayard, but you can’t fight without your Paladins? So be a good princess and give it back.”

Allura tensed, she clenched her jaws. When she opened her eyes, Shiro was looking at her the same as before, with dead fish eyes – empty and cold. She inhaled sharply and smacked her head against Shiro’s nose. When he groaned painfully, her knees slid between his legs.

 _“Allura, is everything alright?”_ Pidge shouted through the transmitter.

“Yes,” Princess threw a glance at Shiro who faced the wall hitting the metal with his fist, trying to fight the pain between his tights.

“Change in plans, I’m going with Shiro.”

 

   

    The Black Paladin looked beaten when he entered the engineering room. Lance just raised an eyebrow, watching as the leader slowly paced behind Allura. Nobody commented Shiro’s swollen nose. Hunk still remembers Shiro’s broken lip after Keith punched him on the Ophelia planet. He was almost sorry for Shiro, but being nasty and rude was unacceptable.

“Princess,” Slav laid his goggles on the table, “the simulations look very good. Now we need you to activate the crystal through Shiro’s bionic arm. The transformation will split the energy into five different poles. After the poles crash against the surface of the wormhole, the gate will transform itself in the tunnel. You just have to find it. It’s your mission, Shiro. Don’t enter it. Pidge will add this device to your lion so you can collect the information.”

“I have a question, I know it’s maybe too late,” said Lance, “but how can one maneuver in the wormhole? I thought we’re traveling from point A do a point B. How can you turn to left or right?”

“Right,” Pidge nodded, “That’s right, but If you remember the collision we experienced in the tunnel after Haggar blasted the ray of energy, then you know it threw us out from the line. Slav created this transformer to teleport us from place to place not to travel through.”

“Star Trek?” Lance asked.

“Yes. But if you want to get teleported, you need to know the precise coordination of the target position.” Hunk picked up a cable from the floor, “Is this something we forgot?”

“Hunk, no!” Pidge sighed, “don’t ask such question!”

“Well,” Slav rubbed his chin, “this cable is maybe from…”

“What?” Hunk jerked away from Pidge, “don’t do anything you would regret later!”

“This cable is not necessary.” Slav threw it on the floor, “now prepare yourselves!”

“How exactly did you want to do it alone?” Lance threw his arm around Shiro’s shoulders, “you need Allura for the spell.”

“She doesn’t need me. Kolivan's here.”

“But she wants you.”

“The Marmora’s technology can make the wall between two worlds transparent.” Shiro slipped from under Lance’s arm and leaned against the table.

“Yeah, but you don’t know if the reality is _that_ reality.”

“Besides,” Kolivan interrupted them, “we would have to find Earth in the parallel universe from here to know what is going on there. And that’s impossible.”

“Alright, enough of the theory, let’s make _kaboom_!”  Pidge clasped her hands together.

 

_Keith was lying on his bed, playing with the blade when the door opened, and Shiro walked inside. The look at his depressed lover brought a frown on his face. He sat on the edge of the bed. His palm slipped underneath of Keith’s shirt and caressed his belly._

_“Babe, I want you to talk to me. The decision is yours, but hear me out.”_

_“I’m going to abortion,” Keith replied coldly._

_Shiro sighed. He took off his boots and rolled on the bed next to Keith. He rested his head on Keith’s chest, and again he started to stroke his belly. His thumb slid in the belly button, and when Keith lifted his arm to wrap it around Shiro’s shoulders, he buried his face into Keith’s shirt._

_He sobbed silently._

_“Shiro…”_

_“I’m sorry, I don’t want to manipulate you with my tears.”_

_“You are not manipulating me,” Keith dropped the blade on the side and squeezed Shiro’s body tightly. “I’m sorry.”_

_“Give us a chance.” Shiro’s left arm slipped from under Keith’s shirt. He lifted up his body, placing his legs on the sides of Keith’s hips._

_“I can’t be the Red Paladin while I’m pregnant!” Keith tried not to sound angry or arrogant. Even though Shiro’s tears never touched his skin, he felt them digging holes into his meat._

_“It’s peace.” He brushed Keith’s bangs away from his forehead, “I will keep the peace for us.”_

_“I don’t want to!” Keith shifted uncomfortable under Shiro, “I don’t want to!” he choked on the sudden outburst of feelings._

_“Babe,” Shiro kissed his temple, “I’m not going to force you. I would never do that.”_

_Keith shook his head, sinking his nails into Shiro’s forearms. He started to cry uncontrollably, hiccuping while trying to take a breath. All he wanted was run away from Shiro because his arms were like bars of a cell._

_“Get off me!” Keith lifted his knee. He kicked Shiro’s inner thigh, ignoring the pain, or the situation where Shiro just tried to help him._

_“Keith!” Shiro pushed the pain back into his mind as many times before. He managed to catch Keith’s palm, pressing him into the mattress._

_“How can you even think that I would be happy like this!” Keith spat._

_“Think about it! You still have time!” Shiro leaned to his face, “we could be a family. After all, we destroyed, we can create something. Keith, please, think about it. You still have time.”_

_“Fuck you!” Keith surprised him with a fast attack. He elbowed Shiro’s chin, sending him flat on his back._

_“I’m not going to bring a child into this disgusting universe!” he screamed, The table has turned, and Keith appeared above Shiro like a wild animal._

_“for once in your life” Keith proceed through his teeth, “listen what I’m saying!”_

_“I’m listening to you!” Shiro frowned, “I just want you to think about—“_

_“I don’t want to think about it! I had enough of time!”_

_Shiro couldn’t tear away his look from Keith's eyes. The red-rimmed eyes full of tears and fear looked like a bleeding heart. Never once in his life, he has seen Keith in such a state; confused, betrayed and scared._

_“I’m sorry,” Shiro whispered, his eyes glassy. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” His hand reached for Keith’s face. Shiro fingertips only brushed against his cheek, but Keith jerked away._

_“I can feel it, Shiro,” Keith fisted the sheets under Shiro’s body, “something's wrong.” He shivered._

_“Give me seven days, Keith. I want only seven days, babe. I deserve to have a chance.”_

_Keith didn’t say a word. He just dropped his exhausted body on Shiro. He let Shiro embrace him and kiss his neck before they fell asleep._

 

Allura knew that being violent, won’t help their situation. Shiro had every right to feel attacked, scared and useless, but as his friend, she couldn’t look at his out of character behavior. Something or someone haunted Shiro’s dream. She had a suspicion that Shiro had stepped on the road of destruction willingly.

“Shiro,” Allura gripped the back of the pilot chair in the Black Lion cockpit, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” He replied, “ _also_.”

“What?”

“Thank you for beating the shit out of my head.”

“I didn’t… I…” Allura sighed, “come on, let’s focus on the mission.”

“Yes you did, and I needed that,” Shiro took his helmet from her hands, “when I behave like I lost my mind, Keith always beat the shit out of me.”

“He what?!” Allura didn’t maintain her voice. The high pitched squeal surprised both of them.

“I don’t mean it like literally.”

“Stop talking. You’re confusing me.”

“He always knew what to say to calm me down,” Shiro looked at the screen, “he used to call me _dark Shiro.”_

“He always _knows_ what to say.” She corrected him.

The gate looked like an ordinary wormhole. Shiro speeded up, flying towards Keith’s destiny. He didn’t know if the black magic has created a monster or a tunnel with time lapse. Maybe they get lost, or maybe the evil eye of the gate will swallow them like a raspberry.

“Our chances are eighty percent! Good luck!” despite the positive information, Slav’s voice trembled, “after you enter the wormhole, our communication will be lost.”

“Gald you said _our,_ ” Shiro replied cynically.

“Thank you, Slav,” Allura laid his hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “Chances are good.”

“Chance is better than hope.”

Allura smiled. The wormhole started to pulse in purple, like a vein of a dying heart. She was sure that if she transformed the magnetic waves into sound, she would hear the actual heart beating.

“You know,” Shiro broke the thread of her thoughts, “you must love Keith when you’re undergoing this.”

“Of course I do.”

“But you said—“

“Not like that!” She sighed annoyed.

“Hold on we’re entering.” Shiro jerked the lion on the side to offset the course.

The inside of the tunnel appeared to be the same as always. All the colors of traveling at high speed passed around them like a blurred rainbow.

“Look!” Allura leaned closer to the collecting device, “Oh my dear, it really works. These are coordinates. We’re passing right now.”

They couldn’t see the gate traveling at such speed, but the computer could work fast and let them know. Shiro’s hands have trembled. The whole plan worked. When they reached the end of the wormhole, Allura sat down on the floor and started to typing on her wrist computer.

“What’s this place?” Shiro took off his helmet and dropped it on the floor. “Allura!”

“Just a tick.”

“Allura!” Shiro had to maneuver his Lion because of the incoming shooting.

“What’s going on!” Allura tried to stand up, but the lion just did a pirouette, and she ended up flat on the floor, holding on Shiro’s leg.

“Someone is shooting at us!”

When the shaking was over, Allura pulled herself on her knees. Like a cat, she leaned against Shiro’s thigh and stretched her neck to look on the monitors, “pirates!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“How long, before others will appear?”

“Three doboshes!“

„Alright, let’s give them a call.“ Shiro twisted his Bayard to create an energy shield. The dark barrier around the Lion swallowed each shot.

„I hate pirates!“ Shiro opened the communication channel, „This is Voltron! We’re coming in peace. Stop the shooting! I repeat: _stop the shooting_!”

„Has this already worked on someone?“ Allura raised her eyebrow, „ _coming in peace_?“

„Stop talking like Keith!“

„I would never!“ She almost pouted, „let me talk to them!“

„Help yourself.“ He shrugged.

„This is Princess Allura! You’re balancing on the edge of a war act! Stop shooting, or we’ll be forced to return fire!“ She almost tripped over Shiro’s helmet. She looked at him annoyed.

„Shiro, I’ve told you not to stripping off your armor!“

„It’s hot in there!“

The enemy ship refused to give up. Shiro shook his head, telling Allura that she revealed her identity to pirates and that they will end up surrounded because sometimes, pirates work together to claim a big fish – and Allura was a big fish.

“I don’t think they want me! They want the Lion!”

“I didn’t say Lion is the ship!”

“But you said, _this is Voltron_!” she imitated him.

“Yes, Voltron, we are Voltron, not the Black Lion!” Shiro slammed his fist on the panel, “and quiet I have to concentrate!”

“Leave the shields on. They have no chance to break through.”

“I said quiet!” Shiro snapped.

“Should I beat the shit out of you again?” Allura grabbed his chin and turned his head to herself.

Both of them started to glare at each other until Shiro hissed randomly. The dream projected into the reality. He felt Keith’s elbow on his chin, the pain and even heard his voice.

“What’s wrong?” Allura drew her hand back.

“Nothing.”

“Shiro…”

 _“Hey, guys!”_ Pidge has appeared on the screen, _“you’ve made it! I’m downloading all the information. Head back to the Castle.”_

“Roger that!” Shiro ended the call with a sigh.

“Something is haunting you,” Allura looked at the Castle through the window. The pirate ship had turned to leave when the ship arrived.

“Yeah,” Shiro replied coldly, _“something.”_

 

    “Do you remember when Keith sneaked into the Galra ship and stole the antigravitation device?” Hunk asked while sipping from his strawberry tea. “So, Slav and I turned its polarization. it’s going to do what universe did after the Big Bang.”

“Eternal expansion?” Asked Shiro, “and we need it for what?”

“Nothing, we just had fun waiting for you guys.” Hunk shrugged. “Lance is with Keith. He insisted that he must read him.”

“What is he reading?” Shiro sounded frightened, “not some kind of…”

“I translated one of the biggest stories ever!” Coran replied, “The Return of the King.”

“J.R.R. Tolkien?” Shiro pursed his lips.

“Who?”

“Nobody,” Shiro waved his hand, “please prepare for the teleportation. I’m going to check on Keith.”

After the door had closed behind Shiro, he drowned himself into the silence and coldness of the ship corridor. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and tried to remember the reason why he does still breathe.

 _“Shiro, my love,”_ Keith pressed his palm against Shiro’s chest to hold him still aginst the wall _“do you actually think you have a chance to save me? Stop fooling around. You all are going to die.”_

Shiro squeezed his eyes tightly, letting his body slide down along the wall. He knew Keith was just a hallucination, a product of his sick brain. Nobody was dying, except for him and Keith. Keith was the sane part of their couple, because Keith was real, of flesh and blood, while Shiro had a feeling that he’s floating, like a possessed monster.

“Why are you like this?” Shiro cried, “why, babe?”

_“You’re broken, soldier.”_

Shiro opened his eyes,  to meet Keith’s dark gaze. He clenched his jaws, breathing heavily through his nose. Slowly he stretched out his hand. His skin felt the realness of Keith’s face. His fingers traced his lips, and Shiro would swear that he could feel the moisture of the saliva on Keith’s tongue.

“Shiro?”

The illusion disappeared when Lance called his name from between the infirmary doors. He held the holographic pad in his hands, looking confused.

“Lance…” Shiro smiled sadly, “I have a problem.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“I have to save Keith, please help me save him.”

Lance threw the pad on the small table near the door in the infirmary room. He quickly walked to Shiro with worry written all over his face.

“We’re working on it.” Lance leaned closer and closer until his forehead was touching Shiro’s. “You have a fever. Do you ever sleep, Shiro?”

“Once in a gap year.”

“This not a time for joking.” Lance tried to hide his smirk, “Keith would be unhappy to see you in this condition.”

“Do you believe, he’s going to wake up?” Shiro’s look dropped on the floor.

“Of course, we are Voltron and more than this; we’re humans. Either we give up or never give up. I hope I don’t have to tell you which one is us.”

“Yeah,” Shiro stood, “but sometimes, giving up is all I want.” He left Lance behind, heading to Keith.

 

    “Alright,” Shiro took off his boots and socks. He let them lie on the floor. For a moment, he thought, that maybe when Keith in some creepy-miracle way senses that he’s barefoot, he will wake up and give him hell-heaven because of his kidneys.

“After thirty minutes babe, you’re traveling home.” He rested his head on the pillow next to Keith. “I know it’s not you who’s hunting me. You would never do that.” Shiro smiled, but his eyes reflected only sadness.

“But I don’t want to miss you anymore,” he buried his face in the crook of Keith’s neck. His hair was no longer soft and scented.

“God help me if you won’t wake up.”

 

    Before the teleportation began, Shiro’s eyes meet Allura’s who smiled at him with bright eyes full of hope. Maybe hope and chance were siblings, and he was too blind to see the details of life. He knew there’s no way back, no time machine for a bastard like him. Keith was still asleep, attached to monitors and I.V. He just hoped, yes _hoped_ , that Keith’s not suffering in his sleep.

Was there a _chance_ for a peaceful coma?

He _hoped._

_“Three, two, one.”_

Shiro didn’t manage even blink before he appeared in a transparent world. He could see through his body and ship as if they were just a hologram. He looked at the monitors and saw only a milky white wall which separated them from the parallel universe. Nothing, only white and pitch black spots.

“Did you see that, guys?” Horrified Lance was watching a wave that made a hole into the wall. It disappeared at the other side and had returned like a bouncing ball.

 _“That’s the pulse Slav was talking about,”_ Pidge replied through the communication channel, _“we should get out of this line. I’m collecting the data right now. Guys prepare you for a journey.”_

“More like a trip.” Lance sighed.

 _“Pidge what do you see? Because ain’t see a shit!”_ Shiro spat angrily.

_“Slav said that we'd be able to see through the wall, but I see only milk with cereals.”_

“Wish I could see the cereals, Hunk.” Lance blinked at the green monitor, “I think my Blue baby sensed something, I’m sending you coordinates.”

“ _Thank god Blue is that sensitive. Can you imagine live without Blue?”_ just from Hunk’s voice, the other Paladins heard that he’s too nervous to concentrate.

“That’s it, Hunky, I’m here to cover your back. Don’t worry.” Lance smirked.

 _“Is that water?”_ Shiro gasped at the sight of illuminating spots, _“do you see what I see? It’s water. A fucking wall of water in nothingness.”_

 _“I read once about how water is a gate to another dimension.”_ Pidge’s voice cracked at the vision of impossible. She reached the wall with her Lion.

“Nah we need Kitty here.” Lance shook his head. He refused to believe anything that appeared before his eyes. Not thinking about what was going on was the best idea he ever had.

 _“Hey, Keith, can you wake up and pilot your damn Lion?”_ Shiro sighed.

“Oh my god Shiro!”

_“Alright, guys. I can’t see shit, so just… follow me!”_

“Roger that, captain!”

 _“This conversation was idiotic.”_ Pidge groaned, “ _the coordinates you’ve just send, Lance… they lead us to a crack. Slav told me about it. We should be able to see clearer.”_

 _“As I said, follow me.”_ The Black Lion moved first and too fast. Shiro didn’t even hear the motors, only wind as it whistled around his ears. _“Please don’t think about anything. We’re transparent, and the only thing I’m happy about is that I can’t see my inner organs.”_

“Shiro for fuck sake!” Lance whined.

 _“I think our solid bodies have turned into energy. We are half materialized… energy?”_ Pidge groaned, _“I can’t believe I said that.”_

 _“Imagine you live with Keith,”_ Shiro’s Lion stopped at the coordinates, _“he loves quantum physics. Sometimes I had a feeling that he just pretended to understand it.”_

“I’m glad you’re talking about Keith in the present tense.” Lance smiled.

_“It’s like we’re flying through the mist over London.”_

“Hunk, come on.”

_“What?”_

_“We need to find a safe point,”_ Shiro interrupted them _, “We’ll establish a camp.”_

Once the conversation finally ended, Shiro tried not to look at Keith. Transparent bodies looked like ghosts, and the thought of a ghost Keith horrified him. Shiro didn’t ask Slav how big is their chance to find the cure and get back alive. Everybody knew the risks related to the mission.

 _“The scanning is over. I found a planet. It’s near, but…”_ Pidge paused, “it looks like Earth is not in this quarter. Hell, we don’t even know we’re at the right place.”

“I know Pidge,” Shiro tensed in his chair, “Good work.”

 _Now_. Shiro closed his eyes. The back of his eyelids started to paint in blue and green. He imagined Earth during the spring; flowers were just blossoming, and the soil smelled like life and rain. Reality. He remembered his first time on the skies. The fighter jet named Wild Horse. The plane looked wild, gray and cold. One summer night Keith had sneaked into the hangar and fell asleep in the cockpit. In the morning, Shiro found him sprawled across the small chair. Keith was barefoot, and his feet were resting at the panel.

 _“Do you remember how did you wake me up?”_ Keith asked, whispering every word into Shiro’s ear.

“I tickled your foot. You almost kicked me in my face.” Shiro smiled.

_“I used to love zero G, Shiro, do you still remember?”_

“No upside-down.”

_“No upside down. This reality, my love, is different. There’s no upside-down. There’s only gravitation. Remember that.”_

Shiro opened his eyes to look at the outer space that surrounded their lions. Something felt different and wrong.

“Do you feel that? I feel heavy.” Shiro lifted both of his arms.

 _“Gravitation. Something is attracting us.”_ Pidge answered, “ _but we’ll get used to it. It’s the same as training in 6G. Take deep breaths, boys.”_

 _“I feel my lungs burning, this is bad.”_ Hunk gasped.

“You guys aren’t accustomed for such load.” Shiro tapped his fingers on the gear. “You should go back.”

_“No. Fucking. Way.”_

“Lance, I have a good reason to…”

_“You have nothing. I can bear that. I love 6G by the way. I’m pretty fine, and we need Pidge and Hunk. We just need to find a suitable planet.”_

_“Lance’s right,”_ Pidge agreed, _“you need us, and we won’t let you go alone.”_

“ _Less talking more searching!”_ Hunk yelled _, “I think I’m gonna vomit. Yes, I’m.”_

Shiro sighed again. Every word, every breath, and step, everything in his past led him right here, to this moment. And here he is, learning from the past to be a good future Shiro. Keith’s minimalistic, his atmos and his space over humanity were now visible in such colors he could never imagine. Every word had a shape, and the meaning of life has changed into the grain of sand.

_“Keith, I’ve told you already, it was reckless!” but Shiro had to smile because Keith was rolling his eyes, looking at the ceiling._

_“Do you see that almighty universe? Sleeping in a fighter is reckless.”_

_“Keith…” Shiro lowered his head, trying not to laugh, “you know I like you.”_

_“That’s good.”_

_“Yeah, and that’s why I think it was reckless. Because I worry.”_

_“I was just sleeping,” Keith approached a bit closer, “do you believe me?”_

_“Yes, I do.”_

_“Then, you should believe that I’m never gonna die, or leave you.”_

_Shiro looked into the amethyst orbs, looking for an easier answer, but Keith’s eyes closed their gates. Shiro met the cosmic silence._


	10. 6. Disgrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm fucked up because of Chester Bennington's death. This chapter had been finished only thanks to him and I want to dedicate every word to his beautiful soul.

Shiro tried to clean his boots from the smelling mud. The planet they’ve chosen to lay down the camp was covered by mud, water and brown trees. The amount of oxygen in the air was pleasant. Even the gravitation stopped messing with their bodies.

“I still don’t get it. We’re in the parallel universe, but how do we find out that this is the parallel universe and not just a lost galaxy?” Hunk smelled the trees, “it smells like a radiator.”

“Do you often smell radiators?” Lance raised an eyebrow.

“I connected us to the nearest free satellite. It looks like, guys…” Pidge gasped in shock. She closed her mouth into a thin line.

“What?” Shiro bent down to look at the monitors.

“Guys come on! Cat eat your tongues?” Lance pushed his body between his friends. “What I’m looking at?”

“We are on the Mars?” Hunk blinked surprisingly, “we are on the Mars!”

“And we can breathe!” Pidge confirmed, “this is…”

“Amazing,” Lance smiled.

“Yeah, if I’m not wrong, we’re only about 60 million kilometers from Earth.” Shiro stood up, “If the gravitation isn’t making everything even harder.”

“No, look!” Pidge pointed at the screen, “Earth is Earth and… guys, we’re in trouble!”

“What do you mean trouble?” Lance turned around.

“Do you remember galra technologies? They can camouflage their ships. But now, they were able to hide the whole military base on Mars.”

“How deep shit we are?” Shiro asked nervously.

“Very deep! I hide our lions and everything, but I can’t hide us.” Pidge looked at him with worry in her eyes.

“Is it possible that Galrans transformed Mars into a habitable planet? The percentage of oxygen is too high, and the ground is warm.” Shiro looked at the graf on the small monitor lying in Pidge’s small palms.

“Probably.” She nodded.

“Complication after complication,” Shiro sighed. “we should move to the other side of the planet. We hide in the twilight zone.”

“Shiro, we have to be quick and fast! We need to hack their system and find information about the cure.” Pidge started to packing their equipment. The red mud was everywhere in her suit, and it also got into the small hand computer. She whined, annoyed and asked Lance to help her or their trip into the middle of the Earth will be lost forever.

“I know, but first we have to survive to find it.” Shiro lend his hands to help them packing up, but he couldn’t avoid the look at the sky where Earth was shining in the middle of stars and planets like a diamond.

“I feel weird, and I think I’m going to puke. Yes, it is.” Hunk covered his mouth with his palm.

“Hunk we can’t leave a trace!” Pidge alarmed jumped on her feet.

“Give him a sack.” Lance grabbed the empty cardboard box and handed it to Hunk.

“Hunk no!” Pidge whined, “I needed that for my samples.”

“I didn’t know we had a cardboard box,” Lance looked curiously at his small friend, “Alteans have cardboard boxes?”

“No,” Pidge sighed, trying to be quick with packing up, “it was the box from the game console.”

Lance looked at Pidge with a strange concern in his eyes. He smiled at the small girl who had  a big wrinkle between her eyes “Well we’re close to Earth, we can buy some TV.” He smirked.

“Or I’ll buy you a new brain.” Shiro smacked the back of Lance’s head.

“I didn’t know you’re here,” Lance rubbed his skull, “you sneak like a ghost.”

“To work! We’re not on a trip!”

Hunk who rested against a big orange rock looked at their leader with a sad look. He sighed and looked at the dark and warm sand. Their mission was to save Keith’s life not a shopping trip on Earth. He slowly stood up, taking the box with his stomach content.

“I’m going to check on Keith.”

Shiro twisted his head to look at Hunk’s distancing silhouette. For a moment his yellow Paladin suit changed its color into rusty orange and then it started to bleed like a red paint on a white wall. Shiro pressed his palm to his left eye and hissed with pain. The throbbing pain in his brain knocked in full combat.

“I’m going on a…” Shiro tried to blink away the pain from his eyes, “I’m going to Hunk.” He lied as his feet led him behind the big rock which previously served as Hunk uncomfortable chair.

Keith. After about a kilometer of walking, Shiro had to stop and sat down on the ground. He felt as his right arm started to throb with pain, visibly shivering and shaking. He raised his hand to see what was happening with his prosthetic. Unexpectedly, his vision changed. Terrified he watched as purple rays of light shone through the metallic, like a dangerous toxic radiation. Shiro gasped in horror, his eyes glittering with tears.

“No. Please no.”  He closed his palm into a fist, but the light grew intensive, blinding his horrified eyes into a shock. His heart wildly beat against his ribcage and lungs, leaving him breathless like a puppet in the devil’s hands. Cold sweat covered his face in one smooth move, like a silk veil. He jerked his hand away when he tried to steady his shivering robotic arm. He burnt his palm. The vision was getting worse as if someone stabbed his eyes with thin needles. Shiro watched the world through his eyes as it bleeds into the ground which devours each drop of the vital fluid into its hungry muzzle. High pitched vibrations swallowed his ears, making Shiro close his teary eyes.

Hell. That must be a hell.

Even the world behind his closed eyes was slowly falling apart, vanishing from his sight, changing into a faded island surrounded by plum colored mist.

“Do you want to give up, now?” Keith appeared behind his closed eyes like a ghost. His form has begun slowly transforming into the alien mess Keith hated the most. His eyes sparkled with gold, and his skin started to peel revealing its purple underlay.

“I warned you, didn’t I?” Keith sounded monotonous, like a programmed projection, his voice creaked at some place, and soon the beautiful, smooth and milky white skin got covered with short purple hair; his nails grew longer.

“Don’t…” Shiro gasped in horror when Keith’s body covered Galra’s armor.

“I’ve already told you,” Keith disappear for a second to only appear in front of Shiro’s very eyes like a nightmare, “you’re broken, soldier!”

“NO!” Shiro yelled, opening his eyes in a shock that knocked the breath out of his lungs.

“Shiro, love?” Keith was still there, looking at him, but something has changed. It took Shiro’s messed mind few seconds to realize, that Keith turned back into his human form. Both of his palms were warm against his cold cheeks.

“M-my dear God, oh my god…” Shiro’s lips trembled with fear and tears, “what’s happening to me? You’re not real.”

“You feel very real,” Keith whispered, kneeling before Shiro.

“No.” Shiro closed his eyes firmly and shook off Keith’s hands from his face, “you’re just a hallucination!”

“Are you not?” Keith wiped away his tears, “who is not?”

Shiro opened his eyes. He couldn’t take more of Keith’s peacefully face, looking at him as if he was alright and the one who was sick and also insane is Shiro.

“Love, you’re getting hurt because you interrupted their timeline. You’re too close to your second self. He’s on this planet. Your vessel is trying to fuse with him.” Keith cupped face of his lover, “he’s probably going through the same mess like you.”

“I want you to be real,” Shiro sobbed, biting into his lips in a vague attempt to hold on his emotion. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“I’m with you as long as you’re alive, remember that. I will never leave you.” Keith leaned closer, his big and kind lavender eyes mirroring Shiro’s scared face. “You have to go.”

“No.” a new stream of tears fell from Shiro’s eyes, like a waterfall, flowing between Keith’s fingers.

“I’m the only one who belongs to here.” Keith wiped his tears again, “you all are going to die if you stay here longer.”

“I don’t give a fuck!” Shiro yelled, “I don’t—“

“Now,” Keith shook his head disagreeably, “you're selfish.”

“You have to go. Leave me here and go back home.”

“No.” Shiro covered Keith’s palms with his hands and firmly held them on his face. “you’re mine, I will never leave you. Don’t be silly.”

“Shiro, you’ll die. There’s no way you can save me if you stay here.” Keith sighed, “I have to go.”

“Where?” Shiro’s eyes widened, “where? Tell me where are you so I can save you! Tell me please!”

“Silly,” Keith smiled, “I’m right here.” He kissed Shiro on the forehead.

Shiro dropped his gaze in disappointed. Yes, he was getting crazy, becoming an insane man, a broken soldier. But the touch, the touch of Keith’s hands felt real! Even his lips, his breath, everything about him seemed to be physical.

“What is happening to me, baby?” Shiro looked into his fiancé's eyes with love, believing he was looking in the Amethyst orbs for the last time in his life.

“The same thing that was happening to me while you were gone,” Keith slid his hands down from Shiro’s face, leaving them on his neck, “you’re getting insane.”

Shiro held his breath for whole ten empty seconds, just to watch Keith’s eyes. If that was true, and he was falling into the madness, then at this moment, there was nothing to lose. He moved fast enough even to surprise himself. His two large palms swallowed Keith’s face like a raspberry.

“Don’t—“ Keith tried to stop him, but Shiro silenced him with a kiss.

 _I will never leave you._ Shiro didn’t close his eyes on purpose. Was It just a game, or a curse? How many times he’s going to leave Keith behind while Keith’s words I will never leave you will be resonating in his head like a choir of angels?

„Shiro, you have to go,” Keith moved away. He traced his fingers over Shiro’s lips, “Don’t look at me like you want me to stop you because that’s not running away. Just finally do something right.”

“You—“ Shiro reached in the distance, but Keith was already disappearing in the mist. 

“Go home; your life burns faster in this place.”

 

Shiro has woke up with throbbing pain in his temples. When he opened his eyes, the blurriness was gone, but the red lining and vision didn’t disappear. Terrified, again, Shiro sat up and looked at his two hands. Everything seemed to be alright, but when Shiro looked up, he realized that the bars in front of his eyes are not a decoration. He found himself in prison. Someone stripped him out of his Paladin uniform and left him only in his black undersuit and barefoot on the hard rock bed without any covers. Shiro stood up from the bed, looking around the room, searching for an explanation. He didn’t see any trace after Galra soldiers. The room reminded him of the drunk tank.

“Funny, how to do you know how drunk trunk looks like?” Keith smiled from behind bars.

Shiro stood still in the middle of his step. Real or he lost his mind finally? Keith casually leaned against the bars.

“How is this happening?” Shiro felt his veins being filled with anger instead of fear. “who are you?!”

“I’m your desire.” Keith rested his head with a silent thud against the metal bars, “I’m your _sane_ part, do you remember?”

Shiro shook his head. He refused to admit that everything around him is not just an illusion and that he somewhere between hallucinating and crying didn’t lose his mind. Was he now a prisoner of his inner world?

“Why I see you?!” Shiro shouted, “You aren’t real!”

“Love,” Keith’s look dropped on the silver colored floor, “sometimes it hurts when you disappear and when you leave me…”

“No, you are not real!” Shiro covered his ears. He closed his eyes and turned to face the wall. The noise started again, but this time right inside in his brain, like a virus, a laughing little human who tried to control his body by infecting his rationality.

“I’ve told you to go. I would never say a thing to hurt you.” Keith appeared right in front of Shiro.

“Stop doing this!” Shiro immediately opened his eyes, “Stop!”

“I can’t go away,” Keith stretched out his arm, “you created me.”

“Stop, I don’t—“ Shiro moved back, eyes still hanging on Keith’s face.

“How do I look like?” Keith asked, folding his arms on his chest, “look at me and tell me how do I look like?”

“Where am I?”

“Love, why do I have a belly like this?” Keith looked down at his swollen stomach, “why do you keep wishing for our baby, when she’s dead?”

This question knocked out the air from Shiro’s lung, like a steel fist, right into his chest. His knees weakened, and he had to sit down on the wooden bed. Again those haunting words. She’s dead. Shiro gripped the edge of the bed. He needed just a bullet right in his brain, to finish him, to say goodbye to the whole universe. Where the others saw the light in stars, he saw death in their cores.

“But we are more than this,” Keith took few steps closer, “you were supposed to be better than this.”

“Stop,” Shiro buried his face into his palms, “stop torturing me.” He begged.

“I tried to stop you too many times, but you never listen to me.”

Shiro pressed heels of his palms to his eyes. He clenched his teeth trying to avoid another waterfall. The more he listened to Keith’s voice the more his heart hurt. The pain was too fast, like lightning, all over again to his heart, trying to kill him, burn him to ashes.

“I did this to you!” Shiro took a deep breath, but he couldn’t stop trembling.

“Shirogane,” Keith smiled, “in my life are steady only two things,” he started to count on his finger, “First; my stupidity confused with courage, and the second; my responsibility.” 

Shiro looked at him with concern look; he tried, just for a second believe that he didn’t get insane. What was he? A real person, or just a projection of a sick mind? Shiro remembered the kiss and hug, the warmth and smell of Keith’s skin. Too real to be…?

“Tell me what is happening? I can’t anymore—“ his lungs started to fill up too fast, asking for more oxygen. “I’m…”

“Anxiety won’t help you.” Keith replied with a frown, “you have to think.”

Shiro shifted on his place uncomfortably. Keith just appears in front of him like a ghost. He didn’t see him moving, he just appeared.

“You can’t stay here, that’s why you’re in this cell. I know as much as you allow me to know. I’ve told you already; you created me. I know your deepest thoughts and desires. I know your memories better than you do.” 

Shiro looked straight into the lavender eyes. He was searching for any depth, for an answer to his unspoken question. How real is his projection? Did he just create a shadow man? Does he suffer Third man syndrome? Shiro felt his chest vibrating with fear.

“Ask them.” Keith leaned forward, brushing his lips against Shiro’s cheek, “ask your friends who I am.”

“Babe,” Shiro whispered, hands shaking like a wounded predator, “you felt real.”

“Because you want me to be real.”

Shiro hesitated for a second. Deep inside he knew that feeding his sickness isn’t a good idea and it will push him deeper into the madness. But a weak and tired man wants just what he needs, and in Shiro’s case, it was a loving embrace. He needed to dig his finger into Keith’s skin, bit him, kiss away every doubt.

“Why did you appear like a Galra soldier?” Shiro asked instead of any physical contact.

“To scare you away.”

“You told me, you know only as much as I allow you to know.”

“And you let me know, how much you fear of capturing.” Keith closed his fingers around Shiro’s wrist. He led Shiro’s hand to his cheek. Shiro touched him by only with his fingertips, tasting Keith’s skin, nails scratching and discovering the realness of Keith’s presence.

_How?_

 

_“I was lost without you.”_

_“That was a long time ago, let’s not think about it.”_

_“Shiro, you were all I had, and you disappeared. I’ve lost it all.”_

_“Don’t think about it.”_

_“You’re telling me not to think about my whole life.”_

 

 

“They took your arm because you loved too much,” Keith whispered against Shiro's cheek, his lips tickling him like butterfly wings.

“Don’t—“ Shiro lowered his head, “stop doing this to me.”

“You were too human and headstrong, you loved and loved and didn’t want to give up,” Keith continued, “you didn’t want to give up your humanity. They thought that changing your body into a machine would have changed you.”

“Keith…” Shiro’s chest broke. His ribcage cracks and allowed his heart to take a peek into the outside world.

“Your heart is a bird and its bleeding because the hole in your rib cage is too small. You’re trying to run away, but your mind won’t let go. You’re fighting your _human_ fight. The last one, but Shiro…” Keith took his head into his palms, “I’m not a human!”

Shiro pushed him away; angry, madding, and crying. The world he got into was cold and metallic, its heart made of copper. Metal heart couldn’t fly or die. It couldn’t love or feel.

“That’s all I have!” Shiro yelled. He stood up, pushing away Keith’s hands, his whole body until Keith’s back hit the bars.

“That’s all you are,” At that moment, Keith looked almost like a real person from meat, blood, and memories. “You are a human, don’t think otherwise. You’re the warmest human.”

Shiro backed away a real horror written in his teary eyes. His prelude remembered everything, knows every secret, even his darkest thoughts. Shiro wished that the real Keith could have known all of this, and still love him, without a doubt, not waiting to say I love you back.

“How can you love a monster like me?” Shiro had to find support for his heavy body. He leaned against the wall.

“How can a monster love me so beautiful as you do?”

“Shiro!” the cell doors have opened, and Pidge’s voice has broken the spell like the snap of fingers. Keith was gone, and Shiro was left alone with his insane part again. His body trembled. He felt how his chest fell over like a black hole.

 _That’s all you are_. A broken human, a survivor.

“Or do you want to be more?” Shiro could hear the voice of his fiancé, but that was all, he disappeared.

_I want to be just a human, with a heart. I want to love you._

_“Shiro, I know you hurt,” Keith shifted on his place in the bed._

_“That’s a pain I can’t—“_

_“Please don’t lie to me.” Keith tilted his head back, looking into Shiro’s silver eyes. Ten seconds passed by when Shiro’s eyes reflected his smile._

_“Why are you smiling?”_

_“Because,” Shiro wrapped his arm around his lover's shoulders and pulled him closer to his body, “you’re the reason why I hurt.”_

_“What?”_

_“I love you so much it hurts my weak heart.” Shiro laughed, kissing Keith’s crown._

_“Sometimes, just sometimes…” Keith jabbed him in the ribs, “I want to do something to you, just…” like a little angry ball, Keith buried his face in the crook of Shiro’s neck and bit him._

_“Why are you always so angry? You  never used to be like this.” Shiro stroked his hair, eyes full of worry._

_“Because it’s not fair,” he mumbled, “you don’t deserve the pain. You don’t…”_

_“Babe,” Shiro’s voice softened, “I can’t have only your love and no pain, that wouldn’t be fair to the universe. It would mean,” Shiro kissed his ear, “that I devoured all the love. You give so much, so much baby. You give me all the good things. You’re perfect.”_

 

Shiro’s puzzled look replaced curiosity. Pidge looked at him with worries, holding her small personal computer against her chest. She was alone, looking like an innocent rabbit waiting for a crucial moment, for the predator. Shiro’s vision darkened into red again.

“Shiro what is happening!” Pidge called his name, again and again, but he couldn’t stand on his feet anymore. The cold silver floor was cooling his hot skin.

_Am I melting?_

“Shiro, love…” Keith appeared behind hysterical Pidge. She was calling Shiro’s name checking his pulse and temperature. “I always wanted only the best for you. You have to leave me here and go home.”

“Shiro!” Lance and few more people Shiro didn’t know appeared in the doorway.

“I kept dreaming of you, the whole night, looking at the sky thinking which one of the stars belongs to you…” Keith was standing in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the fast moving film. Everything felt so surreal that he could concentrate only on Keith.

“Please don’t leave me like this, love, go home. As long as you live, I’m with you.”

“Keith…” Shiro felt his skin burning, his tongue glued on the wall in his mouth. Was he fusing with the other Shiro? Was the other Shiro so close to him, that they reacted this way? If that was that case, the other Shiro had to be also collapsed on the ground.

“I’m not angry,” Keith smiled, “just sad because they rob me of a year of life with you.”

“I’m sorry…” Shiro coughed.

“We have to move him!” Pidge moved away when the unknown men lifted Shiro’s body out of the floor. “Quick!”

“Shiro hold on!” Shiro could feel Lance’s finger brushing the back of his palm. “You can’t leave us! You both, please no…” Shiro lightly moved his palm so Lance could laced their fingers together.

Shiro lost his sight of Keith. He felt as the shock paralyzed his left, right arm. He couldn’t even lift it. Don’t take me away from him, not again.

“You have to go home and wait for me.”

 

_“What about you?” Keith asked while massaging Shiro’s tensed neck muscles. The oil he used smelled like menthol._

_“What do you mean?” the black Paladin twisted his head to look at his lover, “why so sudden?”_

_“You always talk about me so well, but I’m not a prince or a hero. I’m just a man.”_

_“Well, one doesn’t exclude others.” Shiro smiled._

_“Shiro, you’re…” Keith stopped massaging him. Instead of that he threw his arms over Shiro’s shoulders and kissed him on the neck, “the nicest person I know.”_

_“People should be nice.”_

_“Should be, but they’re not. You think that being nice is the background of a character, and everybody should be nice. But it’s not like that. You’re just… too good for…” Keith fell into silence. He rested his head against Shiro’s spine. “Goddamnit.”_

_“What’s wrong, babe?”_

_“Nothing, I just love you too much, and it makes me angry when I’m not able to protect you. I’m making myself angry.”_

 

When they entered the Black lion, Shiro felt as his body’s temperature was slowly returning to its normal. But the feeling of his skin melting into a lava was so real, that he was afraid to move, he was scared of losing his skin.

“Now, is it better?” Lance asked softly when the men lay the stretcher on the floor.

“Keith…”

“No, you have to return.” Lance urged, “come on man.”

“Keith…”

“Stop being stubborn.”

“Why is he not here… Keith!” Shiro rolled on his side, leaning on his forearm, “he was with me!”

“Shiro!”

“Why is he not here?”

“Shiro…” Lance froze in disbelief, “your right arm… you…”

Shiro looked over his shoulder. His right arm was folded behind his back in an inhuman position, like a piece of junk. He couldn’t feel met, he lost every connection with his prosthetic arm.

“You have to go back.”

 

_“If something happens to me, I want you to lead Voltron.”_

_“Shiro, if something happens to you, I wouldn’t be able to lead my own life.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr, search for babe-in-red.  
> Thank you, and please leave a comment.


	11. 7. Reproach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I updated the first chapter. I made huge changes there, so don't wait and check it out. Also, with this chapter begins all the mess. It seems like the plot now, found its peak so we can finally go down and resolve the tension.

Pidge felt uneasy as the dimmed yellow lights turned its color to purple again. The walls, machines, door, ceiling, everything looked exactly like on a real Galra base. Even the language was not human. It irritated her that she couldn’t trust these people enough to leave Keith alone with their doctor, who was Shiro himself. Pidge’s biggest problem stemmed from the reality that the same virus that infected Keith also had infected Shiro, but because Shiro suffered a rare disease called _beastly_ from his childhood, the virus mutated and changed his look.

Here she was, with her weapon, prepared to shot whenever the beast shows his teeth. Keith as an omega was vulnerable even more in his coma. While still on the castle, their Shiro had told her, that Keith's fragrance is still strong and he could feel it through the rooms, across the castle. She believed the cause was caused by Keith not be able to control his body while unconscious.

Not that, all the Paladins felt confused because they had Shiro in front of their eyes, and they still hadn’t figured out how to address him, but according to one of the omegas on the base, Keith, right now, was just going through his heat.

Lance swore to _their_ Shiro that he would take care of Keith. He had to beg him and be violent to made Shiro leave. Now, he glued himself to Pidge’s side, alarmed and shocked by the wave of strong essence hovering over Keith’s body like a weighty pink cloud.

“I smell roses.” Lance rubbed his nose. He couldn’t explain why he previously never had felt Keith’s heat. Keith knew how to control his body while awake, but now, when his brain almost gave up, all the area looked almost poisonous, toxic for a Beta, as one of omega explained to him. They identified Lance as beta, a common human being, while they honored Pidge as a young Alfa who needs a leading to become a full-grown alpha.

“You know it doesn't quite work like that in our universe,“ Pidge remained him, “not all of us is born like _that_.”

“You’re not whining, only because they  honored you as an Alpha, while I was ignored and felt their xenophobic shit on my own beautiful and healthy skin.”

“You maybe should start to learn _How to be modest, trademark_ ,” Pidge sighed.

“How do you feel around Keith, by the way, do you want to…” Lance cleared his throat in embarrassment, “you _know_.”

“No, I don’t know.” Pidge clenched her teeth.

“You know what.” He whispered, trying to stay on the gentleman line.

“What, Lance, what if I want to do?!” a loud creak alarmed Lance. Pidge just broke her tablet into two pieces. “If I want to screw him?!”

“I didn’t want to attack you!” Lance stood up. So many unknown feelings crawled on his shoulders like giant snails, leaving the disgusting trail of memories behind. He shivered and moved away from Pidge. “Something’s wrong with you guys!”

The tablet fell on the ground, and Pidge groaned. She buried her face into her palms, trying to fight the beast that just had woke up in her.

“When Shiro was leaving, he told me, that something terrible would happen to us if we stay longer. He tried to…” Lance looked at sleeping Keith, “He said…” he lowered his voice, “…he talked to Keith. Keith had told him that he has to go.”

“I know what does it mean,” Pidge felt the pressure leaving her body, “the twin paradox, quantum physics and lot of shit like that.”

“And you’re not possibly disturbed knowing that Takashi Shirogane had spoken to Keith Kogane who is unconscious on his bed.” Lance dramatically pointed his index finger on Keith.

“The only disturbing information is, that they’re still not married.”

Their engagement took place in silence and privacy. One morning Pidge came to the kitchen with giggling Keith, who was trying to open the lid from the can. She offered him help, but very soon she realized that Keith didn’t want to open it, just hold it and pretend that he does something meaningful, while the only thing he was capable of, was poking the lid with his finger and smiling. Of course, the playful finger was the ring-finger. Pidge only smiled, and when she leaned over him with a smirk, whispering congratulation Mr. Shirogane, Keith sprawled himself on the stool hiding his face in his hands. That was the first time she saw Keith blushing. The first and last time. It was like observing a kid running away from their crush after a silly kiss on the cheek.

“I was thinking about it on the castle,” Pidge admitted after a moment of silence, “first, I figured out he’s going insane and he probably is, but then I remembered what Kolivan had told us about the Blade of Marmora suit.”

“And?” it made Lance curious, “Shiro’s not wearing a Marmora suit.”

“Of course he’s not. But if you think about it, it’s still a Galra technology. What if Ulaz modified Shiro’s arm? Do you remember what Shiro told us when Ulaz had come to rescue him?”

Lance nodded. He watched Keith’s face while remembering the big talk they had with Shiro. If what Pidge said was true, then Ulaz could sneak to Shiro and adjust his Galra arm before they could realize something was off.

“Or maybe he just has gone insane.” Lance snapped. “We always thought too complicated, when the answer is right before our eyes.”

Pidge looked at Keith’s small and pale face. Maybe Lance was right; sometimes the most complicated issues were hiding behind the simplest answers.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Lance looked at Keith.

“Of course I know.” She nodded, “we have to be fast.”

“Correct!” The doors have opened and revealed Shiro.

“Christ!” Pidge jumped on her feet. The wave of pheromones crushed her nose and brain like a nuclear blast. Her knees almost gave up.

“This is normal here?” She asked when Shiro passed beside her. She noticed as Keith’s fragrance changed abruptly. The flowers were gone, and something rotten and dark turned the vivid atmosphere into a marsh.

“I’m trying to calm down your friend. He’s in the middle of his heat. What surprised me is that even though his brain is dying, he’s strong enough to let me know I should fuck off.” Shiro laughed. “I know him only couples of hours, and I like him already.”

Lance gave Pidge an alarmed look. Both of them shifted on their place, moving closer to the bed when Shiro pulled out a big syringe with translucent liquid. As Shiro informed them before, Keith’s biology is a bit different. Shiro’s two yellowish eyes looked like something composed for Devil’s trill. Inside of those toxic eyes, one pair of silver-violet eyes were shining like gems.

“What is it?” Shiro asked when both of the Paladins looked at him with worries.

“How do you know it will work?” Lance asked.

“I’ve told you already,” Shiro sat down on the edge of the bed, “your friend had been pre-vaccinated as a child. The vaccine back then was at its diapers, but still, it managed to save his life.”

Pidge watched as Shiro gently massaged Keith’s elbow with two fingers. When the needle penetrated the skin, Lance had to look away. There was something different in Shiro’s eyes when he watched Keith as he applied the cure. The tension between Shiro and Keith grew up, and the horrible smell changed into a softer and gentle fragrance. It almost looked like Keith couldn’t recognize that the one who was touching him, wasn’t _his_ Shiro. Or maybe the one who was touching him was finally the right Shiro.

“Tell me more about the disease and the cure,” Pidge broke the tense.

“Your friend Hunk is given a lecture.”

Lance shivered at the tone. He knew Pidge was prepared to fight over Keith any time. When these people discovered their camp, Shiro was already knocked on the ground. One of the soldiers had him on his back, telling them that he found Shiro rambling on the ground. When he wanted to help him, Shiro attacked him, so he knocked him out with his gun. All the soldiers were hundred percent human, except Shiro.

“Well, you’re the head doctor here, I want to hear it from you.” Pidge insisted.

Both of them exchanged a glare. Shiro sighed and put away the syringe. Lance lifted an eyebrow when Shiro softly closed his fingers around Keith’s wrist. He wanted to protest, but then Shiro started to count silently, only his lips moving.

“Keith is mated.” Pidge frowned, “so please don’t touch him carelessly.”

“Am I doing it?” Shiro looked at her, not bothered by her objection, “you both know he belongs here.”

“He was born here,” this time it was Lance who glared at him, “but he belongs to us.”

“Such strong words,” Shiro shook his head, “you know maybe the cure won’t react in your reality, and he falls into a coma again.”

“You—“ Pidge tried to disagree, but Shiro interrupted her again.

“Pidge, you said that our drug contains components that are not present in your Universe. What do you think will happen when he returns?”

Lance felt his guts rolling in a twister. He wanted to puke and run away into the darkness to not have to witness the madness. No Keith, No Voltron, no Shiro, no best friend. Simply; no Keith. Only now he realized that they had to share one person between two realities. It was not a divorce that one of the parents had moved into Kentucky, and the other stayed in Texas. It was a different universe, reality, a huge issue.

“You’re clever, I mean—“ Hunk entered the room in the infirmary, “but if that were possible as you said, then we also would die here the second we arrived here.”

“Hunk!” Lance’s face brightened, “buddy!”

“I just discovered this reality knows nothing about the flu.” Hunk smiled, “and as you can see…” he sneezed, “I infected you all.”

“Oh my god!” Pidge rubbed her forehead, irritated. “Hunk!”

“I’ve already told them what to do, and they laughed that such sickness if funny. Our flu is ridiculous. The killer of all brave men is funny.”

“Keith will be fine,” Shiro stood up. He didn’t react on Hunk’s rambling. “Give him two more days, and he’ll open his eyes again.”

“I have a lot of question for you,” Hunk followed him with his eyes, “It’s needed, please. If you can help, we can help too.”

“Hunk!” Lance called, “I know that you’re second in command after Keith, but please think about what Allura had told us about not interfering with their business!”

“But we already have.” Pidge sighed.

“Just wait, until Keith’s awake!”

“Lance,” she sat on the edge of the bed with another sigh, “the last thing, after he wakes up, would be wanting to lead us. Have you forgot about Bianca already?”

“Shit!”

“Right, shit.”

 

         Hunk ignored his meal, ignored even the sweet grape juice. He plastered himself on Shiro’s side, holding onto him like a tick. What bothered him most, was Shiro’s reaction to Keith. All of them knew that Keith was meant to fall in love with Shiro. All of the indicators pointed this way. The response of their bodies was the best evidence. But Hunk tried to lead the conversation in another way. He wanted Shiro to stop thinking about his friend as about a potential mate. Keith was pregnant with _their_ Shiro, in _their_ reality. Engaged and happy.

“As I told you already,” Shiro handed him his tablet, “the Galra created the disease preventing us from fleeing from the Earth. The main substance of the virus is nanotechnology. The bots are programmed to infect your body the second you leave Earth. It’s connected with Galra satellites and mother ship. They always knew where you were. They’ve got tired of hunting us so…” Shiro massaged his temple.

“That’s pretty sad.” Hunk had to sympathize. After all the stories he had heard about these people, his need to help grew stronger. “Your people are stronger than anyone I’ve already seen.”

“Don’t forget we’re a bit different,” Shiro smiled, “I appreciate your affection, and I sympathize with your empathy, Hunk, but your friends are right. It’s dangerous to interfere.”

“But we already did.” Hunk’s expression hardened, “we came here, we gave you the flu and Keith—“

“You gave us Keith?” Shiro looked surprised and touched, “I—“

“Not like that!” Hunk almost fainted when he realized how such innocent remark affected Shiro. They have exchanged looks and a small gesture of their bodies. Hunk began to feel the embarrassment and need that surrounded Shiro.

“You like him, don’t you?” Hunk asked, voice small.

“Maybe.” Shiro looked away, trying not to seem like an open book, but it was too late, and he felt the heat grow up in his ears.

“H-how, possible you…” Hunk cleared his throat, looking at his plate, “to like someone you have never talked. You have never looked into his eyes.”

“I just feel it’s right, that we belong together.” Shiro tried to express himself more like a simple human being than an Alpha whos needs to root his seeds into his mate, overgrow his head and continued into the sky.

“I don’t understand,” Hunk sighed, “Shiro, you look like a nice guy. Our Shiro is also a good man. You both are nice guys, but please you have to think about Keith.”

“I think about him.” Shiro straightened, suddenly he felt attacked, “I can take care of him.”

“I didn’t want to offend you, but—“

“He belongs here,” Shiro clawed his nails into the wooden table, “what I smell feels right. He’s my mate.”

Hunk gulped; he already started to feel the massive aura that surrounded Shiro. He almost swore he could feel it. This place was chaotic, a mess he tried to understand and failed at his first attempt. Keith was home, getting help and healing.

“I assume,” Hunk tried, “you know from the medical report that Keith had a miscarriage.”

Shiro nodded. He lowered his gaze to the table, feeling nervous. The worst part was just right before them. As soon as Keith wakes up, they will have to handle an emotional breakdown. Keith’s mate will be needed.

“Maybe he already knows, deep inside,” Hunk placed his hand over Shiro’s right hand to calm him down. It felt odd to see him with two human arms.

“The ingredients,” Hunk started, “maybe we haven’t discovered them yet, maybe you haven’t discovered the flu yet. Possibilities are infinite. But what I know for sure is, that Keith is the only one.”

Shiro tensed again. He allows Hunk to touch him, to feel his warmth. He tried to restrain the Alfa hidden under his skin, but the Alfa already knew where this conversation leads.

“Let him choose then.” Shiro left the table in a silent gesture of cold anger.

Hunk felt frustrated, and every time he felt frustrated he reached for the food and calmed his inner monsters with food. But right now, the food looked more like a bunch of rocks than a delicious chicken strips salad.

“How’s it going?” Lance appeared on the bench next to him, “I felt the anger across the whole canteen.”

Hunk knew very little about the alfa-omega dynamics. The only thing Hunk knew he had learned on the castle ship while watching the two lovebirds sing around each other. Sometimes the wild hot-blooded Keith showed himself fragile and vulnerable, and that was the time he never left Shiro’s side.

“Keith needs a real Alfa, and Shiro knows it.”

“Oh fuck, shut up, Hunk,” Lance couldn’t stand the lethargic face of his friend, “Keith knows the best! He loves our Shiro! He’s the only one!”

Hunk hummed, a small smile appeared on his face before Lance stood up and walked away. Then he sighed again, and his face changed into a frown. Of course, Keith knows the best, but also _this_ Shiro’s pheromones have such influence on Keith that he’s able to calm him.

 

         That night Pidge slept on a chair next to Keith’s bed. The doors opened as Shiro walked inside. He changed his clothes because of this night watch duty; his clothes tight, dark and leather hard. When he approached the bed, he took off his leather gloves and leaned over Keith. He brushed Keith’s bangs from his forehead. It was just a small touch, but Shiro felt the impulse knocking down his heart through his fingers. He was sure they were meant to be together. Destiny forced them apart and put them back together. They have never met before, but Shiro felt he knew Keith for thousands of years, like an ancient god falling for a human, watching him reborn again and again.

Keith responded. He moved first time after he fell into the coma. He pressed his lips together, just for a second, but he moved, and that was the response Shiro hoped. The medicine started to work. Keith’s skin smelled like wilderness, like woods he remembered on the Earth. The touch of his fingers peeled off the first layer of Keith’s resistance. The defensive smell has disappeared.

“Let me feel you,” Shiro leaned closer to Keith’s neck. The artery pulsed steady, like a vibrant core of a star. At that moment, Shiro forgot about Pidge’s presence, he even forgot about his enemies. Keith’s body breathed like a flower, wave after wave of heat and life were crashing against Shiro with harmless force.

Shiro bit his lower lip, hypnotized by the pulse like a moth enchanted to fire. How dangerous was Keith? How will he react after he wakes up? A Million questions started to pop up in Shiro’s mind to remind him that Keith doesn’t belong him. Before his Alfa needs make him claim what he thought belongs him, Shiro pulled away. Keith’s scent gland almost woke up the Alfa buried deep down inside.

“God, you’re capable of this in your sleep.” Shiro covered his nose and mouth with his palm and took few steps backward. Keith didn’t move, but the essence called him. “Little vixen.” Shiro murmured into his palm before he turned away and quickly walked away from the room.

Pidge opened her left eye to look at Keith. She woke up at the moment when Shiro leaned too close to her friend. She was prepared to battle the big Alfa to protect Keith.

“Just wake up already, hurry up Keith.”

Pidge shifted on the chair, she rubbed her sore eyes with fingers and put on her glasses. The shock almost sent her down together with the chair. Her cheeks reddened, and her body forgot that she also has to breathe to survive such shock.

Keith moved his hand from his side to the stomach. He fisted the sheets and frowned as if he had a nightmare. Pidge stepped closer and bent over her friend. She gulped and whispered Keith’s name.

“You just moved,” Pidge couldn’t believe her eyes, “you moved.” She put her palm over her mouth. “what a move.”

“Oh, here you are.” Hunk walked in the room, “someone has to go and send Shiro a report.”

Pidge grabbed Hunk’s hand and forced him to look at Keith. Without words, she stretched out both of her arms.

“What? Can’t you talk? Something happened?”

“Keith, he…” she still couldn’t find right words, “he moved.”

“He moved,” Hunk repeated dully.

“Yes, Keith, our Keith, this Keith, the only one, precious Keith Kogane, he just moved!”

“Is he awake? Oh my god!” the sleepiness suddenly disappeared from his eyes, “Keith!”

Finally, Pidge managed to recollect her feelings; the smile on her face won the race. She couldn’t stop giggling while Hunk was running around Keith’s bed like a crazy. He reached for Keith’s hand but quickly changed his mind and pulled his arm back.

“What to do, what to do Pidge? Let’s call Shiro!”

“Wait a moment!” Pidge’s face straightened, “let’s wait for a moment. Don’t talk to anyone, but Lance.”

Hunk looked surprised when Pidge’s face became blank as a white sheet of paper. She sat back on the chair and laced her fingers together while watching sleeping Keith.

“Shiro, was here,” she started to explain, “he was smelling his scent glad.”

“His what?”

“Scent glad. The pheromone glad.” She tapped on her neck. “Looks like Keith smells differently right now. The aroma magnetizes Shiro.”

“We have to tell somebody,” Hunk looked at Keith again, “Pidge, it’s about his health. Fuck _Shiro.”_

“Somebody has to send a report, and that means that one of us has to go back through the wormhole. Only two of us will stay with Keith.”

“Pidge—“

“Let’s wait a bit longer. Let’s wait until Keith opens his eyes.”

 

        Shiro paid them a visit right after his watch has ended. As soon as he started to examine Keith, he felt as his jaw tightened, and drops of sweat began to form on his temples from the tension. He spent whole two minutes only by counting the rate of Keith's pulse. The firm heartbeat against his thumb hypnotized him into a statue. He couldn’t move, only feel and breath. Being eaten by the confusion, he pulled out a syringe with the cure and applied it in the vein. Then it came, to the heat wave right into his lungs, burning his sanity to ashes. Keith lost control over his heat.

“What the hell,” Shiro stood up, “ _what the fucking hell._ ”

Shiro pulled off his gloves following by his boots. He even took off his socks. While Shiro stripped off his shirt, his gaze was fixated on Keith’s face. Half-naked, without thinking he climbed on the bed. Carefully but in one motion, he sheltered Keith’s body like a roof. Shiro positioned his knees right beside Keith’s sides, slowly he lowered his loins, like a boneless creature, he pressed his groin to Keith’s and buried his face in the glad scent.

“ _Fuck.”_ He groaned, moving his hips up.

A silent sigh came out of Keith’s mouth. He barely reacted, but Shiro knew that he could feel his touches and the significant presence of an Alpha.

“I’ll be good,” he whispered before his erection could take control over his body, “I’m sorry. _Sorry.”_

Shiro crawled back from the bed, like a monster who got scared of the lights. He fell on the cold floor, right on his knees. He took a deep breath, eyes watching Keith behind the edge of the bed. He swallowed the thick air and dug his nails into the mattress.

“If I were you,” an angry voice returned the light into the darkness of Shiro’s skull, “I would back off, slowly so I can see your nasty ass.” Lance had his Bayard formed into a gun.

“I didn’t—“

“Oh, shut up.”

“Lance, I—“

“I said, shut. Up.” Lance frowned. He took few steps back so he could have a better view on Shiro. “You’re a great doctor, Shiro, and we’re thankful, but now, you’re losing your mind. It’s not safe for you or Keith.”

Shiro felt his legs shaking. He refused to look at his patient and so he rather let Lance lead the way out of the infirmary.

“Go to sleep,” Lance closed the door, “you’re tired.”

“Lance, I would never touch him, or hurt him…” Shiro tried to save the situation. Somewhere deep inside he knew he’s tongue is lying while heart knew all the time what he wanted.

“You don’t know Keith. If he was awake, and you’d tried something like that, he would cut you into pieces.”

“I would—“

“He owns two swords, dude. You wouldn’t have a chance to stand against him.” Lance turned his Bayard back into its form and leaned on the door, folding his arm on his chest.

“Keith is an omega,” Shiro looked a bit confused, “omega doesn't need to own two swords.”

“Well, it seems like they need.” He lifted an eyebrow, his eyes giving Shiro a clear signal to back off. “He doesn’t _belong_ to you, or anyone else. He grew up in our reality, by our rules and we don’t own people.”

“You must like him.”

Lance didn’t answer, though the desire to just break Shiro’s unharmed nose would be satisfied. The man was something else, like a predator. Whatever his sickness done to his body, it was visible, because on the base wasn’t a person with similar behavior – Alfa or not.

“You should help yourself, at the first place.” Lance slammed his palm on the door control panel and returned to Keith’s room.

 

         Sleep circulated Hunk like a blind sheep. His eyes were still wide open like something devilish took over his body. He read and read the old files on his tablet, looking at Pidge who fell asleep on the table in the canteen. Hunk was studying the history, at least the latest history of humanity. It seemed that the Galra didn’t intend to end the battle. Something was off, blinked into Hunk’s eyes like red warning lights on the road. Galra needed Earth for _something_ or _someone._ He sighed and massaged his temple.

“It could be the Blue lion?” he shook his head, “no.”

“Hunk, stop.” Pidge muttered in her sleep, “I can hear you. Please stop.”

“Why they want Earth? For what? Galra possesses weapons of mass destruction.” He slammed his fist on the table. “Could it be Voltron? We didn’t ask them about Voltron, maybe we should.”

“ _Thatis_ not a good idea.” Pidge rubbed her eye under her glasses, “We should grab Keith and get back. It’s none of our business.”

“Well yes, but also our problems aren’t their business.”

“But you can’t compare the rescue of one life to the war.”

“I don’t.” Hunk looked at the tablet again, “you know I like Keith, he’s like my younger brother.”

“Hunk, he’s older than you, more precisely, he’s your officer.” Pidge stretched her arms on the table. She yawned and looked at Hunk. “Man you look terrible.”

“I know.”

“You should get some sleep.”

“I _can’t._ ” he scuffed his cheek with his palm, “it bothers me.”

“Look,” she straightened, “you’re the next on the watch. Lance will be tired, and I have some samples and…”

“Yeah, I know.” Hunk replied, annoyed by himself, by his own behavior. He just wished he had a simple solution for these people.

“Maybe the Voltron looks like something else—“ a siren interrupted their toughs. Hunk almost knocked the table with his knees how fast he got to his feet.

“What is happening?!” Pidge looked around in confusion. Immediately, she tried to contact Lance, but the man wasn’t responding; something was interrupting the signal.

“To Keith! Now!” Pidge ran through the opened door with Hunk on her toes, when an allied soldier almost knocked them on the way.

“What is going on?!”

“Galra ship!” he yelled while running on the corridor, “they’re on the base!”

They lost the main power generator. The hallways lightened up in green light. Never once in life, Pidge thought about green as about an annoying color and element. Soldiers were running around them, on ladders and elevators. Hunk lost the direction when a loud explosion tore the door right next to them. Two Galra soldiers appeared with heavy weapons. Pidge knocked one of them from behind while Hunk shot at the other.

“Lance!” Pidge called his name, tapping on her earplug, but the signal remained corrupted.

“I think, it’s our business now,” Hunk nodded towards two winged doors with a cross sign over the frame.

“We have to get through that mess!” Pidge leaned on the side. The main hall looked like a sea full of Galra soldiers.

“What about a shaft?” Hunk pointed his finger at the ceiling.

Before Pidge could hack the system and get planes of the base, high-pitched woman voice came from the middle of the madness but what has ruined their plans was a cry of a kid. The enemies planned to abduct a Little boy. Both of them didn’t wait for a second and had jumped into the purple hell with Bayards already turned into their weapons.

“Too fucking many!” Pidge staggered, her breath being knocked out of her lungs.

“Pidge get the kid and run!” Hunk ran against the big soldier.

“I won’t leave you here!” she tried to spot the kid in the chaos. The little boy has crouched right next to the wall. Before she could make her way through the pulsing meat, two hands grabbed the boy.

“I’m fine!” the Yellow Paladin waved at her when the backup unit finally arrived.

Pidge used her small stature to get through the soldier unnoticed. She was able to get right before the Galra who took the kid. She brought her weapon higher, breathing heavily from the crush on her chest. Before she could react, the soldier was falling on his knees. She gasped, surprised and shocked at the same time.

“Bitch.” Keith pulled out his Marmora sword of the body and let the soldier fall to his face on the floor.

“Keith!” Despite the situation, she couldn't move only stare due to the shock, “Keith!” she called again.

“Hey, my second favorite girl.” He tried to smile but failed as the pain entered his body with sharp turns, like a tornado.

“You’re alive and alright and alive and, and—“ She had too many questions, but joy and remorse have replaced the logic part of her thinking. She couldn’t stop the blame from coming into her eyes, making her look like a baby. She wiped her tears when Lance bounced himself against her shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine too, by the way.” Lance frowned, resting his gun on his shoulder.

“Right.” She smiled, “I’m glad you guys are alright, but…”

Pidge returned her gaze to the Red Paladin who just slept over fourteen days. It seemed too unreal to look at him walking and talking, but the true horror just reflected off her eyes when  Keith repeatedly touched his flat belly, but couldn't figure out what was missing. She wished for their Shiro presence. Both of them needed each other at this moment. 

“He just woke up, and you let him fight!” Pidge snapped suddenly, turning her anger towards Lance.

“They broke into the infirmary! I had no chance!”

“You should’ve to give us a call!”

“I wanted, but they already messed up the signal!”

“He was in a coma for fourteen days! How can he even walk!”

“I don’t know!” Lance yelled, “Ask him! He’s standing right next to you!” He stretched his arms to Keith.

 “Stop!” Keith called, “Stop it already!”

Keith leaned against the wall with a loud thud. He slid down on the floor and sprawled his legs to rest, feeling weak and almost boneless. He could feel every muscle in his body, as the pain just awoke his senses. The worst part he had to deal with, was his lungs. He closed his eyes, touching his belly again. He frowned, a question on his tongue when Pidge kneeled next to him.

“We have to get you back to bed.” She touched his shoulder with a smile.

“What the hell is going on and where I am?” Keith asked losing his breath.

“Leader! Keith, the head!” Hunk collapsed next to Keith on the floor, “I’m so happy, so glad.” He wrapped his strong arms around Keith’s weak shoulders. “So _happy._ ”

“Me too.” Keith muttered, “me _too.”_

Keith required answers, but it looked like everybody was trying to avoid the main topic. He sat there, broken, confused to the point where he wanted to scream and shook everybody to get an answer. He laid both of his hands on his flat belly again. A sudden wave of horror crippled his body when a familiar voice called his name.

“Keith, I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Shiro?” Keith gasped in a shock.

_“You don’t mind my scars?”_

_“Of course I mind them. It means they hurt you! I mind if someone hurts you!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment. I need them to continue.


	12. 8. Spineless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello, I feel drained, like I deserve a candy for this chapter. Over 8K words in a week. Yes, it took me only a week to write this. I feel like I forgot to speak my own language.  
> Well, I'm planning only two chapters and then will be over.
> 
> **AN IMPORTANT NOTE: there's a song in the chapter. It's very important for me and the story. LISTEN TO IT, play it while you read if you want:[The Virgin Tongues - Who Cares Right Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFMSHUwHESA)**

Before Keith could start to ask questions, Shiro stabbed his soothing muscle with a needle and sent him the first class into Neverland. Keith tried to fight his surroundings, but Hunk held him tight against his chest, his two arms like vices. Keith glared and groaned, but nothing helped. Very soon the sedatives overtook his body, and he faded like a flower in Hunk’s arms.

Shiro couldn’t stop smiling, and with the syringe in his hand, it looked alarming. The two violet eyes penetrated him like knives, right inside his heart. It would be too naïve to think that Keith didn’t recognize the horrific difference between him and his Shiro. He knew Keith wanted to ask what is going on and who he is. Of course, he looked different, not like the Shiro with whom Keith engaged. He saw betrayal and anger in his astral eyes.

“Let him sleep. He will feel better when he wakes up.” Shiro showed them back and walked around the fallen Galra soldiers with a smile. He held the syringe in his hands behind his back.

Lance gulped. He couldn’t tear away his eyes from Shiro’s stature. While Pidge helped Hunk to carry Keith’s sleeping body, he sneaked along the wall unnoticed by other soldiers. The secrets and dark thoughts hidden in Shiro’s mind started dangerously dripping from his eyes like wet paint.

Lance spied on Shiro all the way to background until he found locked doors which required a key card.

On his way back, Lance stopped at the cafeteria to pick up some food for Keith. As Pidge said before, he was also curious how the hell Keith could stand up from the bed and speak like nothing ever happened. They could explain it with the Galra blood, but still, fourteen days in comma could utterly destroy his brain and leave him affected. Which was Shiro’s worst fear? The death or paralyze. It was just tiring explain every difference with galra blood.

“You came just in time!” Pidge stopped pacing, “we should get back!”

“Good idea,” Lance set the food on a small metallic table. “Let’s wait for Keith to wake up.”

“Isn’t like, Shiro, sedated him again to gain more time?” Hunk looked at Keith.

“We can’t wait for Keith to wake up because both of us know, Hunk, he won’t want to leave!” Pidge leaned over Keith. “We should just, carry him into Lance’s lion and gtfo.”

“I agree!” Lance nodded.

“The upcoming hell is on your hands!” Hunk’s expression softened when Keith twitched his eyebrows. He threw his head on the side, possibly having a bad dream.

 

    Once Keith stepped inside the old shack he abandoned years ago, he immediately passed on the old and dirty mattress. The pain in his head and stomachs felt like a saw, sawing him in two. He kicked his shin with the hard sole trying to unleash his mind from the psychic pain. He couldn’t open his eyes, and when he left them close, the images started to pop-up again; darkness, shadow people, and caves. His psychiatrist swore that the new pills would work almost immediately, but Keith knew better, that no antipsychotic drugs could make a miracle in two hours. Keith took more than the prescribed dosage so he could taste the new military model airplane, but the pills started to react very violently with his stomach. Luckily for him, Iverson just close his one eye, so basically he said  I see nothing, get the fuck away Kogane. After Shiro’s disappearance at the edge of the Solar system, Keith felt as his brain started to pulse, the pain unbearable was trying to break his skull and fly away to the source of trouble; to Shiro. Iverson had some understanding and Keith could swear that he saw guilty in his one eye.

But now, Keith has been in big trouble. The heads of the science division postponed the test flight for tomorrow.

“Goddam…” Keith curled into a ball, his face buried in the stinky old mattress.

“Fuck!” He hit his head with his fist. Again and again. The pain increases, and he rolled on his back, staring at the ceiling. The voices started to call him again. Caves, caves, caves, come and find us. Caves.

“Shiro,” Keith closed his eyes again, tears on the rim of his eyes, “help me.”

Nothing has changed, the wooden ceiling didn’t turn into an open sky, and nobody came down to grab Keith by his hand and pull him away from the misery. Shiro is gone, they said, but the voices in his head argued from the very start. Caves, as if Shiro was just hiding in a cave, waiting for Keith to save him.

“Fuck you!” Keith covered his eyes with a forearm.

“Go away! I don’t care.” He had whispered before the voices vanished together with hallucinations. Just like that, with a snap of fingers, the pain was gone. Keith wanted to believe that the pills finally started to work, but deep down inside he knew that at some point, the universe has opened for him.

Keith sat up; the tears already gone from his eyes. He blew away the long strand of his hair and looked around the room. He didn’t understand why he was here, in the old abandoned house, miles away from the base. He tried to remember when he decided that this place would be the best shelter for his sick brain. Nervously, he started to rub his legs through his jeans. He kept staring through the window at the orange horizon when something wet interrupted his recurring activity. Keith looked at his hand to found out blood covering his fingers. He trailed the blood on his tight to his broken knee. A loud sigh had escaped his mouth before he stood up slowly. His already faded jeans were torn on his knee. He caressed his thigh across space is dark patch sewed on the side of the pants.

 _“You should have known better.”_ Shiro appeared in the doors.

“These drugs are the real shit.” Keith tried to blink away the hallucinations.

_“You have a flight tomorrow, Keith, don’t mess it up.”_

“That’s too much to ask.”

_“You should go home.”_

“Then lead the way Sunshine, it’s almost dark outside.”

 

    Keith entered the cockpit at 10:37 AM. His head was clear as the blue morning Mojave sky. Not a cloud to pass his way. In the simulator, he already tasted the new hybrid model of space airplane fifteen times. Now, it was time to shine. Keith put on his helmet and oxygen mask. The dispatcher gave him green, and Keith returned him the favor with thumb up. He took a deep breath before he started the engine. Prepared for the biggest flight of his life he sent the jet to the skies.

_“Your way is clear, go ahead baby!”_

“Iverson, I will kick your balls, call me that nickname again!” What was ranking for the best pilot, anyway? Someone already messed up his head and the supervisors knew that nothing could change Keith’s perception of the world.

_“Baby baby baby…”_

_“You’re playin’ with fire.”_ Another voice joined Iverson on the radio.

“Can you all go the hell and leave me alone to pilot this beast?” Keith checked out the controllers.

_“When you return, this plane will be yours. The company allowed us to put your name on it.”_

“You’re just stupid!”

_“Imagine it! Black beast, first hybrid space airplane called baby.”_

“Hate you all.” Despite the circumstances, Keith couldn’t stop smiling. No psychosis, no pain, just clear sky and a bunch of people who took advantage of his weakness. Baby pilot too good for such young age.

_“Do you wanna some music on your radio?”_

“Go ahead.”

The plane, the black beast in Keith’s hands was more like a snake than a beast. He led her between canyons, over the desert and Death Valley back. He couldn’t wait to take this beauty into the stratosphere and higher. Six gravitation was like tiny stones in his stomachs. Doctors decide to not poke into the matter, Keith was simply too tough for them to complain. Keith decides to run towards the sun when the radar suddenly started to beep. Keith’s vision blurred. It took him all the strength to not pull away from the oxygen mask. Slowly he began to decline the plane. Across the display of radar appeared only one-word; _cave._ Keith’s eyes widened.

_“Kogane what is going on?”_

“Caves…” Keith whispered

 _“You’re declining too fast! Slow down! Do you hear me?!”_ Iverson yelled from the other side of the radio.

Keith gulped, his vision full of mixed colors:  red, green, yellow, orange lines as if he was on a trip. Mushrooms could bring him such state, but he stayed clear. He only took the prescribed dosage of his pills. The radio started to blast a song. Iverson’s voice has disappeared.

_Caves, caves. Shiro, caves. Find him._

_“Take your eyes off of me when I keep myself in trouble. Ain't that hard to see even if you see double. She’s been gone a long time well I hope she’s feeling better...“_ Keith knew the song, the last song he listened with Shiro by his side. They were sharing the last kisses, and Keith had been learning the charm of french kisses.

Suddenly he felt lips on his mouth, a voice in his ears, Shiro whispering baby to his ears, while the singer couldn’t stop singing his song. Keith took off the oxygen mask. The blackout lasted only three seconds. During the three seconds Keith changed, he learned that flying requires fall and nobody had learned to survive without suffering.

He crashed his plane on a cave system, in the middle of Mojave Desert.

_Three million dollar pilot blackout, you’ve fucked up._

 

    Keith woke up with his body covered in sweat. His hair plastered on his face like a second skin. The nightmare has turned into reality. Yes, he should have told them that he had mental problems, he should have done more not to crashing the expensive project. Kicked out of the garrison, he felt the emptiness of his psychosis just to discover that everything was real. Real. Were voices real? Images before his eyes real? He doubted it. He started to question his whole existence just right after the accident.

Did you find the real Shiro? I doubt. A voice, stern, and male stabbed his brain. Keith hissed with pain, palm on his forehead. He could almost feel the pulsing against his hand.

_You’re the only family Shiro has._

„Keith!“ Pidge broke the threats of his thoughts. „you don’t seem well!“

„Dude,“ Lance’s face softened, „I know they threw you away for some good reason, but...“

„What?“ Keith snapped, „what are you talking about?!“

„You were talking from your sleep,“ Hunk said from the chair in the corner of the room.

„Is this real?“

„Real?“ not even Pidge could hide her confusion, „of course it is. We just have a lot to tell you.“

Keith wanted to yell at them, telling them that he wanted to ask earlier, he deserved the truth and all the answers, but they had to knock him down like he’s an enemy.

“We deserve your look,” Hunk’s face reflected the guilty on his tongue, “but please, hear us out before Shiro comes.”

“Why? What? What is going on with Shiro? Why is he like that? What the hell happened to his eyes?!” Keith didn’t realize he started to raise his voice until the pain in his head reminded itself.

“Keep calm, for your own good,” Pidge sat on the edge of the bed, “everything’s alright. Please, let us explain, then you can ask.”

“Why I can’t see Shiro?”

“Keith please, listen to Pidge.” Now it was Lance who tried to shush him down.

The tension overgrew them all, and the dark room appeared in a toxic zone, like a kidnapped kid, too scared to turn the lights on. Keith looked like unstable fluoride, glowing in the open space. All the Paladins knew that something fragile has broken between them and Keith.

“You had an accident,” Pidge started, “a horrible one.”

“A virus took over your body. You fell into a comma.” Added Lance.

And then, like lightning from the clear sky, when Hunk wanted to continue in the uncomfortable story, Keith almost fled out of bed. He crashes against the wall, holding his stomach.

“Shit!” Lance immediately approached and took Keith by his shoulder, “Keith, let’s sit down please.”

“What happened to her?!”

“Keith,” Pidge covered her mouth with palm. The tears already in her eyes.

“She’s gone.” Lance whispered, his eyes glossing over, “I’m sorry. So sorry Keith.”

 _She’s been gone a long time well I hope she’s feeling better._ The same song started to pound into Keith’s head. Repeatedly like on the plane. His nightmare has returned. History repeated again and again. When he found Shiro, he lost...

„Bianca…“

Pidge closed his eyes. Hearing her name from Keith’s mouth felt like hot nails hammering into the skin. Nobody talked, everybody stayed at their position while Keith leaned against the table, sliding down on the floor. No one knew what was happening in Keith’s head. Whom the voices belonged and what images had stick on the lids of his eyes.

_Something’s wrong, Shiro. I know something’s wrong._

    Keith’s headache got even worse. He didn’t talk to anyone just sat in his room, letting his depression devour him. His lips and throat drained like the desert he lived on. Desperately he wanted to hear the song again. He wanted to ask Shiro if he remembers the words and melody; if he remembers the melody of Bianca’s heart. He couldn’t let go or give up. When the pain finally found its peak, Keith stood up. He crashes his right fist against the wall, choking on tears. _Shiro decided that you have to live_. The stupid line from Lance’s mouth. Shiro would never pressure other people into actions.

His Shiro.

Pidge decided that it’s too soon for him to meet with his doctor or the other Shiro. He still couldn’t absorb the death of his daughter, and yet they thought it’s alright to tell him, he entered the line between two realities. He’s home.

Shiro couldn’t be with him, again. In times when Keith desperately needed his man, his man just couldn’t, or he disappeared. What the hell he should do with this situation?

Keith threw a glance at the door that opened. Not even Pidge could stop Shiro from coming to see his patient.

“A bit surprised, I guess,” Shiro smiled.

Both of them kept staring at each other, until Keith dropped his gaze on the floor, frowning and clenching his fists. He felt the wave of fragrance coming from the doctor. He shrugged uncomfortably. Not his Shiro.

“I came for your daily examination,” he still didn’t move, “but I can come later if you feel uneasy.”

Well, uneasy was a weak word for a person who used to yell at his hallucinations. Even now, at this right moment, Shiro was looking at him with kind eyes, not pressuring him into action. The doctor or not, as a human Shiro was always too sweet.

“Do you think, that somewhere, far away, lives another Shiro who’s your opposite?”

“Well,” Shiro didn’t expect such question, “it can be.”

“What happened to you?” Keith was still looking at the floor, while Shiro has a great view on his profile. He could inspect Keith’s sharp features. His small nose and rose red lips. His eyes melted into his still pale and unhealthy skin, creating a fading shade of a color.

“I have a lot of experiences with accepting what’s not real,” Keith give him a side look, “and your affection is one of those things that aren’t real.”

Shiro sighed, “Hunk told you.”

“You don’t know me and my smell is not my heart.”

“Keith—“

“Don’t even try.”

Without any words, Shiro came closer and sat down on the bed next to Keith. He looked at the gray wall, and when Keith turned his head to look at him, he almost could see his Shiro staring at the wall, head full of nonsenses.

“We should talk about your health condition.”

“Go on.” Keith didn’t want to accept the anxiety attack crawling on his back like a monster, no matter how close this Shiro was sitting. Inside he freaked out, clenching his muscles, but not allowing himself to claw his fingers on his thighs.

“I have your complete medical report.”

“What about the Galra ship. Your base is not that secret anymore.”

“Your muscles are weakened.” Shiro flipped a paper page of the document file, “I’m still wondering how can you even walk…”

“Galra blood.”

Shiro nodded, and his eyes traveled below the black words to the red one. Keith didn’t want to look at the pages. He kept staring at Shiro’s face from the profile. Now it was him who was getting nervous, and the Alpha inside him started to growl.

“I found an abnormality in your blood. You lack minerals. You need stable iron doses.”

“Are you going to move the base now?” Keith asked looking into the purple-yellow eye. Shiro was indeed a curious case for him.

“Hunk already talked about the virus with you, but I should explain how it affected you.”

“How many people live on the Earth?”

“I was thinking,” Shiro was still looking at the pages, avoiding Keith’s questions as hard as he could, returning his favor, “it resembles the class of sleeping viruses. If an external impulse won’t wake up the infected cells, then there’s a great chance never to get sick. In your case…”

“So now they’re abducting children, and you act like I’m the priority here.” Keith raised an eyebrow.

“In your case, it was your child who brought the infected cells to life!” the Doctor twisted his head to look into Keith’s eyes. “Am I interesting now, Keith?”

Keith didn’t move, returning Shiro his intense gaze. Both of them kept staring at each other, while Shiro was gripping the pages in his cold hands. Very soon he shrugged the paper in his fists. He leaned closer to Keith trying to catch the fading fragrance of the omega.

“You should be glad, you’re alive,” Shiro whispered, his gaze dropped to Keith’s lips.

At the other side, Keith felt every possible emotion on the negative scale. He almost spat into Shiro’s face if he wasn’t caring the face of his beloved man. He needed to go home and comfort Shiro because he knew, that his stupid man is sitting on the cold floor now, blaming himself for everything. Just a literal mess of emotions and the physical existence. But the main reason that was hiding behind Shiro’s face was Keith’s need of comfort and loving embrace.

“Maybe I’m not,” Keith whispered back, his voice soft and creamy, “maybe I should finally die.”

“Maybe you should stop caring about my world, and start caring for yourself.” Shiro was clenching the papers between his hands, shaking.

“Your world,” Keith questioned him, “funny.”

“Keith…”

“I thought you said I belong here.” At first sight, it looked almost like Keith’s made of ice, but inside he was burning and bubbling like a volcano. He was a champion in pretending that everything’s alright, and the world falling apart in front of his eyes was just an illusion, a chill-out, nature had its need. But now, the heat from his heart was pounding into his skin, leaving him vulnerable to Shiro’s eyes. His cheeks burned in red when the scent of the Alpha crashes his nose like a heatwave of a late summer night.

“It’s your choice.” Shiro ripped the paper in half. He threw it away in one quick motion and desperately took Keith’s face into his palms. He didn’t hesitate, not having a last-minute thought, he kissed Keith on his lips.

Keith felt the breath stuck in his throat. He tried to pull away, push Shiro from his lips, but at the first place, the Alfa didn’t hold him. The kiss was spontaneous and willing. Their mouths fit into each other like two oiled gears. Because, after all, these lips belonged to Shiro. Keith knew the shape, the tongue, he knew which angle Shiro preferred. Even now, the alpha was kissing him very similarly. He tasted like Shiro, he breathed like him, inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, leaving Keith exposed to the hot mess of saliva and air.

When their tongues brushed, and the Alpha's hand curled into his black hair, Keith tensed. The touch felt unknown. There was a rough possessiveness in this Shiro’s behavior. He pulled Keith’s hair, bit his bottom lip. Very soon Keith tasted an unfamiliar flavor on his mouth. He never had an alpha; he never met one before. He searched for the strongest and most brave male and found him in Shiro. His universe knew nothing about male omega. But now, and here, Keith felt like after all the years his body fit in the right position. This Alfa finished the puzzle.

 

_“Keith, you’re seventeen, but I swear to god, when I look into your eyes, I see centuries.”_

_“My eyes have a unique ability. If you look for too long into them, they will send you hundreds of years to the past, and you will have to survive all the antic shit.”_

_“Is your soul antic?”_

_“Maybe. Wanna find out?”_

 

 _Yes._ The answer was always yes. Keith suddenly felt the warm metal around his finger. If the universe tasted his love for Shiro again, Keith couldn’t care less. He knew that home is where the heart beats.

“I told you,” Keith whispered into the alpha’s lips, “you don’t know my heart.”

“But I tasted it.” Shiro licked his lips, “it beats for me.”

“Yes, it does beat for Shiro,” finally the Red Paladin pulled away, “you’re right.”

“Keith…”

“You should go.” He whispered, confused by his own acting.

“Keith…”

“I’m not good at this,” Keith stood up from the bed, “just leave.”

“You can stay with me.” Shiro insisted, “it’s right, you feel the same! It’s right! This is your home. Together we can fight the evil! We can build a whole new world. We can bring peace to our people.” Shiro knew he’s risking. The small distance between them felt wrong, and he knew Keith feels the same. He should hold Keith in his arms, protecting him from the evil, be his shield while Keith would be his sword.

“We can be a family,” he cupped Keith’s face, “we need you.”

Keith avoided Shiro’s look. He dropped his gaze and closed his eyes. The touch felt almost dreamy, but this Shiro’s hands were rough and cold.

“Telergy,” Keith whispered into the Alpha’s palm, his lips moving against the rough skin.

“Keith…”

“I feel him.”

“Are you sure it’s not me who’s calling you?”

Keith inhaled sharply. He opened his heavy eyes, taking few steps back until the back of his knees hit the bed.

“I’m mentally unstable,” Keith sat down on the bed. He gripped the edge of the mattress. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

When the man tried to step closer, Keith withdrew. He brought his legs up and moved to the center of the bed.

“Keith, you’re lost. I can feel your confusion. You’ve been searching for Shiro your whole life. Not a year, but until this moment. And here I am.” Shiro pressed both of his palms on his chest and in the most innocent gesture he surrendered.

“You’re confusing me!” Keith retired from the safe nest on his bed. He was still wearing the hospital clothes, his feet bare. “Please go away!”

“You’re home. Remember that. You are home.”

“Just get the fuck away!”

Shiro risked again. It almost looked like he relied on the reality that Keith would never hurt Shiro. With his face, he felt the immunity and an opportunity to get closer without being harmed.

“This is your home,” Shiro raised his right arm, slowly he approached and caressed Keith’s cheek with the back of his hand.

Keith knew he has a problem to face Shiro, no matter which one it was. The absurd situation was not helping his head. He suffered his whole life from nightmares and hallucinations which have stabilized when he finally found Shiro. Then why these voices started to cry again? Why were they calling Shiro’s name even though Keith felt the chemistry between them?

“No, it’s not,” Keith frowned, “if I would’ve stayed here, I would be already dead. I’m not your Omega. I’m not yours.”

“But you’re here, are you not?” Shiro insisted, “here in my arms. I hold you, I feel you, you’re real and the destiny…”

“I’m just piece of shit, Shiro,” Keith pulled away, “I wanted to help you all, but after all, I had to see what was waiting for me to understand.”

“I don’t understand—” Shiro tried to reach for him again, but Keith moved, arms crossed on his chest.

“I bet my friends explained.”

“No!” Shiro called, “I don’t understand why can’t you accept the reality that after all, you’re alive! Chance was given to you, and you’re throwing it away! Just make the right choice! Be home! After all the years you’re finally home!”

Keith smiled. More he listens to the doctor Shiro, the more he started to realize the biggest difference between him and Shiro who was waiting for him. Yes, both of them were trying to convince him to stay home, but after all, Shiro crashed his heart with go, but you’re alone. Man, was he right all the time? Even know when Shiro’s other appearance was begging him, Keith couldn’t stop thinking about the man who lost his to babies.

“I’m home, but not where I belong.”

“Keith don't do this—”

“Please bring me some clothes I have to go back.”

“There’s a chance for us to—”

“You have the war to fight.” Keith run fingers through his hair. “I planned to find you and help you to fight because I thought it’s my duty.”

Shiro remained silent. Keith was no omega, no alpha, no beta. He simply broke all the rules of life and appeared somewhere.

“I would like to know more about you Shiro,” Keith sighed, “but then I would miss you, and I don’t want to miss you. I never said I would stay here. I always promised, I swore that I would return. All the time I knew you'd be here. I just knew, but I wanted to risk because..” he sighed again.

“I want to hear your reason.” Shiro folded his arms on his chest.

“Damnit I’m not used to talk so much. Just…” when Keith sat back on the bed, his body tensed again. He felt too vulnerable in this position, but he was too tired to pace from place to place like walking on burning coal. He wished Shiro would understand his position; that some miracle would hit him hard and make him understand that all the Shiros won’t stop him from getting back home to the man who gave him a real family. The next reason wore a girl’s name.

“Just promise me,” Shiro stood before him, “you’ll come back.”

 

_“I think Bianca is a beautiful name.”_

_“I thought you wanted to give her name after you mother.”_

_“Aleiah? It sounds like this name is damned, don’t you think?”_

_“And mine is not?”_

_“As long as Shiro has me, then he’s the luckiest.”_

_“Oh, Keith…”_

 

    Two large cardboard boxes were placed into Hunk’s hands. He tried to look over the edge at Pidge, but the chimney in his hands completely blocked her small stature. Fourteen days have passed since Keith woke up and his strength returned into his limbs so now he could exercise with other people. Hunk wanted to ask about Voltron because he remembered the picture of Blue Lion in Aleiah’s diary. Pidge gave him disproval look and sent him home with a report and samples.

“Alright,” she spoke, “I gave you samples, the report and a record from the leader of this base. I think we can create some, kind of cooperation… Tough…”

“You said, that's not a good idea.” Hunk tilted his head to the side so he could see a strand of Pidge’s hair, “what has changed?”

“They’re good to us,” Pidge murmured, “we own them.”

“Right.” Hunk smiled when his eyes caught Keith’s figure. He was heading their way wearing very unfamiliar clothes. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Home.”

“What?” Pidge turned to look at the person Hunk talked to. “Keith, your body is not recovered yet.”

“Who’s clothes…” Hunk almost dropped the boxes when Keith bumped their shoulders.

“Are you taking me home or what?” The distance inclined to something too intimate for Hunk. The vivid color in Keith’s eyes almost devoured him.

“Boys!” Pidge snapped her fingers, “stop flirting.”

“No, no absolutely no!” Lance rushed towards them from the door, “I see what is happening here and you had to lose your mind here completely!”

“Are you talking to me?” Pidge asked, not understanding Lance’s abrupt entrance. 

“Do you know what clinical death means?” his eyes shot a wave of disproval towards Keith. “You boy is staying here unless Shiro says otherwise!”

“I’m fine.”

“Your nightmares and hallucinations don’t contain the description of the word: fine.”

“Maybe in your dictionary.”

“Fuck you, Keith!”

“I don’t fuck with friends.”

“That’s enough!” Pidge yelled. She tied her hair with the rubber band on her wrist and looked at her friends. “Keith, Lance’s right.”

“He is not.”

“Yes, he is.”

“I’m telling you, he is not.” Keith insisted, his voice still steady but stern. “Believe me.”

The Green Paladin just sighed. She battled the urge just to slap Keith across his face and show him his place for at least four days now. The alpha in her now growled, because still, Keith was just an omega, a rebellious one with two swords. The only reason she still didn’t jump into his smile was that the smell of Keith’s clothes served as a shield. It didn’t take her too long to found out who’s smell Keith’s was wearing.

“What did you do, Keith?” she asked.

“I put on some clothes, said goodbye and went to find you. I want to go home.”

“Some clothes?” Lance laughed, “you look like all the space naughty pirates in leather and fur.”

“Well, I still could go naked.” Keith snapped. “Hunk to your lion! Now!”

“Sure, Shiro would slobber himself from head to toes, but you’re not going anywhere!” Lance placed his hands on hips. “You’re still not recovered, and your mind is in a worse state ever! I talked to Shiro. You can be lucky you walk!”

“I need to go home to recover!” Keith raised his voice, “I need to see my Shiro! We need each other right now! My mind is not going to heal when a fucking doctor Takashi Shirogane is randomly kissing me and trying to start a family with me! Shiro needs me! He’s alone in the castle! He doesn’t know if I’m alive and if I’ll come back to him and your report won’t convince him!”

Keith turned on his heel, heading to the lions. “If you’re gonna complain about it Lance, I’ll take your lion! He’s better to help than you anyway!”

“That was harsh,” Hunk sighed, “leave him to me guys.”

Getting into Blue wasn’t as easy as Keith thought. The Lion opened to him willingly, but all the systems remained locked. Keith just needed to lay his broken mind. He didn’t mind if he could pilot the Lion or not. He needed Red more than anything right now. Just Shiro in Red taking him home where he belongs.

“Keith, buddy.” Hunk entered the bridge only to find Keith sitting on the floor, fingers in his carelessly tied hair. One of the strands gets caught in the corner of his lips. Keith needed a haircut, or next time when he meets Kolivan he’ll ask him for the braid, and permission to officially enter the Blade of Marmora.

“Hunk I don’t want to talk.”

“That’s what get you in this corner. Blue feels you’re not alright. We’re sitting in a Blue Lion, Keith, lion that is deeply connected to emotions. He probably feels how you suffer.” Hunk crouched before Keith. Worryingly, he laid his large palm on Keith’s cheek. “I see that.”

“I’m fine,” Keith murmured, his voice almost too low for Hunk to hear him. “I’m always fine.”

“I know why.” There was silence. Keith’s eyes looked like rainy windows. Hunk enclosed the distance, and he pressed his forehead against Keith’s. The small pressure created a pulse in Keith. He closed his eyes, tears falling on his cheeks and Hunk’s fingers. “I know it hurts. But I can’t tell you I understand. I just know pain.”

“I don’t want this,” Keith whispered through his tears, “I don’t…”

Hunk clenched his teeth, feeling as his heart started to beat too fast. He couldn’t watch his friends suffer. He tried to defend them, bring the peace between them when the air around collided with toxicity. But Keith breathed the fire willingly, burning his heart with every inhale.

“I’m sorry Keith,” Hunk felt as his hands began to tremble. He created a safe distance between them and kissed Keith on his forehead. “I’m sorry you have to get through this horror. If I could do something to help you…”

Keith shook his head. The song penetrated his ears like a careful lover, but once inside it managed to cause chaos. “Just take me to Shiro.”

“I will.”

 

_“Do you see the red-eye in the sky?“_

_“It looks like the heavens have died.”_

 

    Shiro wondered if the darkness in his room could devour the last untouched piece of his soul. The debris of his sanity hovered above him like birds which lost their ability to move in the air. His mental health balanced on a thin thread holding too heavy iron staff. The biggest irony in Shiro’s life lied in his hands. He tried to walk in the air with heavy armor, iron in his heart, lead in his brain.

It’s poison. The best scientists from Blade of Marmora tried to fix Shiro’s arm, and with Slav’s help, they had succeeded. Once again they were able to fix his body, but his mind reminded broken. When Shiro tried to talk with Allura about his hallucination, she gave him old altean sleep medicine. Coran agreed that sleep deprivation could cause the visions. Shiro looked at the pills in his palm and mentally noted to himself, that truly, sleep wasn’t his best friend.

But Shiro couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking or close his eyes for too long. He was afraid Keith would disappear, and so, he refused the medicine.

Everybody was trying to convince Shiro that he should get health treatment. When Kolivan told him, that he could stay with them and wait for Keith, at first, Shiro thought that it was the best solution, but then, Shiro took a nap few hours before the departure and In his dream appeared sand and an old radio. Keith was sitting next to him humming the melody of a song _she’s been gone… For too long._ After this dream, his Keith stopped talk to him. Often Shiro asked himself if he completely forgot Keith’s voice. Scared of another lapse, Shiro locked himself in the room, talking only to Allura. But right now Allura presided over the community for the Peace Committee. Together with other allies, they spoke of the plans while Shiro, the hero of Voltron was sitting in the darkness of his room.

“Then don’t talk.” Shiro was sitting on the floor in the dark corner, “if you don’t want to talk, don’t talk. We have never talked anyway. We just said words.”

Keith looked at the cold green lights on the ceiling. A shadow devoured his bright eyes. Shiro didn’t stop imagining Keith with belly and without the scar on his shoulder. Even though Keith wore a shirt, Shiro knew there was just healthy and soft skin.

“Am I safe now?” Shiro frowned at his Galra arm. The purple light looked cold, but he knew that it could melt steel.

 _As your poisoned heart_. Shiro sprawled his fingers, and slowly, he started to kill the distance holding his sanity away from the danger.

“Why are you doing this?” Keith asked when Shiro’s arm was only a few centimeters from his chest. “If you die, I’ll die with you.”

“You’re not alive.” Shiro’s palm and voice were steady.

“I’m not talking about _me_ ,” Keith dropped his gaze on the floor, and then he gave Shiro a cold look, “why do you want to talk to me when you know I’m not real. Talk to Keith.”

“He won’t return.” Shiro pressed his palm on his chest.

Keith remained still looking at Shiro’s painful expression. When he started to yell, and the smoke from burned clothes and skin began to rise, Keith disappeared. Why do you live?

The door has opened, when Shiro's hand was already in the safe mode. The purple light died to be replaced by the yellow from the hallway. Slim fingers circled Shiro’s right wrist, the metal still hot. Keith pulled the arm away, almost battling with Shiro and his empty eyes.

“No!” Shiro yelled when his weakened body was losing the fight against Keith. He tried to push away the hallucination, dispraise it like a flock of birds. But his fingers came across meat, bones, and muscles. He could touch and feel the skin beneath his fingers.

“Would you burn me too?” Keith yelled pressing Shiro’s still warm arm against his chest, “would you dare?!”

Shiro gasped, his body paralyzed from the shock. He couldn’t stop staring into Keith’s eyes, his breath short and irregular. When Shiro’s muscles finally relaxed, Keith took his hand into his palms and led it down on his thighs. He still felt the warm hand print on his chest, even through his thick clothes. When Shiro tried to open his mouth and say his name, Keith only bowed his head, gripping Shiro’s already cool hand tightly.

“Hunk, call Allura we need a healing pod.” Keith let himself fell forward. He crashed against Shiro’s body, head on his shoulder, right palm on his nape, fingers playing with short hair.

“I’m back it’s alright, _I’m back, I’m back, I’m back… I’m back_ …”

“Are you?” Shiro whispered into Keith’s ear, “ _are you_ , Keith?”

When Shiro slides his hand down Keith’s chest and across his abdomen, Keith held his breath. What was Shiro expecting when he laid his palm against the flat of his stomach?

A miracle?

 

    The last thirty minutes Keith spent hypnotizing his pills. The orange bottles looked toxic, from the first glance. Old white labels called him paranoid and bipolar. He spends another hour thinking about how a depressed person can pilot a jet. But then there were no voices last twenty-four hours. His doctor told him that it took almost three weeks until the antipsychotic start to work, but Keith remembered he said almost immediately. Then why he was still sitting at the table watching two orange bottles? Did the doctor mean almost immediately in three weeks? Or did Keith just intertwine his desires, like two souls creating a fabricate carpet on the road to darkness?

And then he remembered as the doctor said that Shiro’s dead had stripped him of rational thinking. Was that even a proper word for medicine? The right term? Crippled of rational thinking. Wait, stripped or crippled?

_“Do you need me today?”_

“Yes,” Keith said without raising his eyes from the pills. He knew it was the only voice in his head, no visual hallucination for today.

_“It’s cloudy today, be careful.”_

“That’s why I need you, Sunshine because we’re heading into darkness.”

Stop talking to yourself. Keith finally looked up from the table. His eyes locked on the reflection in the mirror.

 

Seven o’clock in the evening. Keith woke up with throbbing pain in his head. He fell asleep in the infirmary, at the table. Rubbing his head, he stood up with the creaking of the stool. He almost tripped over his own foot, when his vision got blurred. That’s the spirit soldier! Tripping over himself, Keith managed to get to the healing pots. He slammed his palm against the glass for support and looked at Shiro’s sleeping face.

“I read the report,” Allura spoke from behind his back, “it’s impressive.”

“What happened to Shiro?”

“A breakdown?” she sighed, “Keith I…”

“Do you need something, Allura?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

Keith stepped aside from the healing pod. He turned to look at the princess. She wore a blue and green dress with her hair pinned on the side. At that moment Keith thought, that maybe it wasn’t fourteen days, but fourteen months. Allura definitely looked different than he remembered her. When Corran entered into the room, and Keith laid his eyes on the man, at that moment, he knew that something was hundred percent wrong and fucked up.

“How long?”

“Six months.”

 

    The Red Paladin started to panic sooner than Hunk who still couldn’t understand the dilation of time. Keith almost freaked out. Six months without Voltron. For six freaking months, Shiro was all alone, the only Paladin of Voltron. Here he thought, that it was a good idea to throw away the pills. He slammed a fist on the table, making Hunk jump on his chair.

“Fucking upside-down! I told Shiro about upside-down I told him!”

“What are you talking about?” alarmed, Hunk stood up from his seat.

“We have to go back and bring Pidge and Lance back!”

“I told her it’s not a good idea to stay!”

“We need to take Shiro with us!”

“Impossible!” Corran interrupted their conversation, “the paradox of…”

“Leaving Shiro alone! That’s impossible!” Keith called.

“You don’t understand, Keith…”

“I understand very well! I’ll just tell the other Shiro to fuck off for some time so we can collect our friends and get out.”

“Impossible!” Hunk folded his arms, “Shiro wants you back!”

“What?” Corran asked surprised.

“You promised him to return. That’s why he let you go.”

“Of course he knew I lied!” Nervously, Keith rubbed his face, “I would never promise such thing. Besides…”

“But you wanted…” Shiro was leaning against the frame of the door. His tired eyes almost closed when he spoke. He was wearing white long shirt and leggings of the same color. Hunk had to turn away his gaze from the Black Paladin and his well-built body.

“You wanted to go there and save the universe.” Too cold, harsh and almost hateful, that was the tone of voice Shiro choose to welcome Keith.

Both of the men were just staring at each other, with blank and pale faces. Time, six months, fourteen days. Upside-down and Shiro who almost took his own life. The healing pod couldn’t heal broken mind or heart. Keith knew that no pills could save them from each other.

“Better if we leave you,” Corran nodded, “Hunk can you please lend me a hand on the bridge?”

“’course.”

And like that. Shiro unfolded his crossed arms and moved from the door. When Keith decided not to move, and only stare, Shiro made the first step. He stretched out his left arm, tears in his eyes. Almost like a child, he begged Keith to move forward and leave the past and pain behind.

“Why are you barefoot again?” at last second, Keith managed to open his arms and welcomed Shiro with a breathtaking hug. “Why are you like this?”

“I missed you.” Shiro buried his nose into Keith’s hair, “I just missed you.”

Keith repeated after Shiro; he hid his face in the crook of his lover’s neck and held his breath until his lungs began to burn. Then he slowly took a deep breath, inhaling the muscular scent of Shiro. No crazy pheromones or aphrodisiacs, only the skin.

“Do you still remember?” Shiro asked, almost whispering.

“Your kidneys?”

“Do you still like The virgin tongues?”

“What?” Keith laid both of his hands on Shiro’s broad chest. He pushed on the right side, knowing that the left side just healed. When their gaze met, Shiro immediately felt almost pinned in the corner.

Keith couldn’t place the question or explain, because why the hell Shiro is asking about an old band from last century? A band they discovered together. Their music witnessed their first kiss and passion, but the lyrics were long time forgotten.

_Unless he sees what you see._

“Shiro.”

“We need to talk, Keith.” Shiro pulled him back into an embrace. The warmth of their chests met. Keith wished he could absorb the pain from Shiro through his skin, and wash it away together with his sorrow.

“Is everything alright now?” The imaginary Keith asked from behind, standing by the chair where Keith was sitting a few minutes ago. “Can I leave now?”

Shiro closed his eyes, lips pressing against the soft skin of his lover. He refused to open his eyes to see if his hallucination disappeared or had become a part of him. It almost looked like Shiro created a version of Keith who belonged in his reality. Every possible universe deserved its own Keith.

When Keith rolled up Shiro’s shirt and uncovered the burned skin on the left side of his chest, Shiro pressed Keith closer, hiding all the skin between their bodies. He ran his fingers through Keith’s hair and kept them locked between the long strands of hair. Then he just slightly pulled, closer and needy like gravitation towards the drops of rain. They kissed, and Keith swore that Shiro’s tongue, his saliva, his taste, his breath, even the angle, everything had changed before it was real. He just put together random facts, making them absolute and real, but Shiro changed, and the change was flexible, evolving, like a cloud in the sky. Shiro was never fixed and specific. He kissed with passion and passion was unbound and undefined.

Just passion.

Shiro kissed him with love.

“Take me to bed,” Keith whispered against Shiro’s lips with closed eyes, “I’m tired.”

“I feel like I’m dying,” Shiro confided, resting his head against Keith’s.

“We have one day.”

“We always have only one day.”

Keith smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to Voltron now I see my story like a canon. lmao. just travel between two realities and they will find this Keith and Shiro and wtf.. I should have add Sven into the cake.
> 
> I was thinking where are all my comments? maybe they ran away into a different reality...?


	13. 9. Last ray of light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I am here with this chapter. I have mixed feelings from all of this. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Thank you who left a comment you're the ones I write for. THANK YOU. THIS is the last chapter.

     Keith woke up after twelve hours of dreamless sleep. He opened his eyes to look at the gray ceiling. After all the nights he spent at the base in an alternate reality, he felt like steel heaviness left his body and let him walk again. When the Alpha talked about home and place where he belongs, Keith still doubted his decision. In the very corner of his mind, he knew Shiro is talking truth. He let Lance and Pidge stay for another two weeks. What a horrible idea. But then, Shiro was right; destiny brought him back to the place where he was born. Even if he couldn’t go when he was healthy, sickness caught him off guard and dragged him back.

The priorities have changed, and Keith couldn’t stop thinking about how he’s going to talk about Bianca with Shiro. He always could use the hated term of  _tomorrow is another day,_ but he would have to face Shiro another twelve hours, looking at his stoic face. Besides thinking about Shiro’s accident didn’t give him peace of mind.

Keith rolled on his side, facing Shiro who was hugging the duvet, his nose drowned in the soft material. After six months they were finally together even though from Keith’s side it was only fourteen days. He would spend all the time to help Shiro heal and find a shelter if it could help his broken hearts. Desperately, Keith wanted to go back to Earth. He wanted to feel the soil under his feet, the spicy odor in his nose,  the sea Shiro loved so much and always wanted to feel on his skin.

Moving closer, Keith filled the few centimeter distance that was making him uncomfortable; as if Shiro went to disappear if he won’t be close enough to catch him. Keith knew that sleep is the best cure. The rest Shiro needed was hidden in the blackness behind his eyes and not in the pills. It was easy to remember all the time they spent together in the bed, fooling around, having cheesy pillow fights like two little boys. All Keith had to do was closing his eyes and let his fantasies take over his mind.

It was easy to think that everything will be alright again and the universe won’t need them anymore. Keith was still battling with the need to go and help his people in an alternate reality. The first question that rose from the depth of his brain was:  _do they know Voltron?_ He had spoken about this matter with Hunk on their way back home.

But knowing the main problem which was Shiro‘s inability to lead Voltron, Keith put all the secondary problems aside. His precious man suffered again and again and Keith watched powerlessly like the man he loves was falling apart.

“You’re beautiful,” whispering, Keith creased Shiro’s cheek, “I love you.” He was leaning closer until their face was only a centimeter away.

“I wish I could make you happy again.” Keith closed his eyes, palm still on Shiro's face.

Shiro shifted restlessly. He frowned for a second and then, he pulled the duvet down from his face. Keith moved even closer, like a little kid seeking for safety. He slipped under Shiro’s right arm and hugged him desperately. His nails dug into the thin cloth of Shiro’s shirt. It took Keith only a few moments to pull Shiro over him, between his legs, wrapping arms around his neck and pressing his thighs to Shiro’s sides. Shiro was already awake but had no resistance. For Keith, it was like maneuvering a doll.

“I could die in your arms,” Shiro muttered, cheek pressed against Keith’s chest, “what would you do If I died?”

“Again this question,” Keith sighed.

“Answer me.”

“Stop.”

“Would you flee back to the other Shiro?”

“Shiro…”

“I wouldn’t be angry.”

“Stop!” Keith dug his nails into the skin, scratching desperately.

“You promised him to return.” Not even pain could stop Shiro on the one-way road to self-destruction.

Keith clenched his teeth, lips on a thin line. He sank his nails even deeper into Shiro’s skin. Broken trust, that’s all that Shiro could give him; question him while he was balancing on a thin thread. But who were they to beg for forgiveness or fidelity? Before Keith lose the connection with the real world, Shiro always asked him to stay who he is. All of that happened before Kerberos; their promise, the waiting,  _go and make me proud._

“I promised you!” Keith gripped a fistful of Shiro’s shirt, “I promised you!”

“And you promised him. You can’t let him down.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“He’s  _me_ after all.” Shiro lowered himself, looking into his lover’s eyes.

“What does it mean?” Keith asked, “what does it mean?”

Shiro didn't answer. That wasn't that kind of conversation Keith wanted. In Shiro's eyes, he was gone more than six months, while Keith remembered only fourteen days. He couldn’t process this information, place it in the right spot.

“Tell me what are you thinking about.”

As always Keith’s ask was treated by Shiro’s complete silence followed by his dead weight pressed on Keith. Keith’s eyes watered, he tried so hard to talk but then Shiro buried his voice under his weight letting him know, that now, his burden is heavier than questions on Keith’s tongue. Unable to speak, Keith tugged at Shiro’s shirt and then gripped him tightly.

“You promised me never to make me cry.” Keith was tugging at his shirt, digging his nails into Shiro’s exposed skin to drag some answer from him. “I can’t even breathe…”

“You can go if you want.” That wasn’t a reply Keith begged for.

“Shiro stop!”

“I broke every promise I made to you.”

“Stop!” Keith punched his shoulder.

“I had nothing to lose, but then you came back…”

“What are you talking about?!” struggling with Shiro’s weight, Keith managed to push him by the shoulder so he could see his face finally.

“I don’t want to talk, Keith!” he lifted himself from Keith’s body, finding a sitting position on his lap. When Keith hissed painfully, Shiro rolled up his shirt, laying his palm on the scar on Keith’s belly.

“I would like to, but I don’t want to. Let’s forget! I just can’t…” Shiro shivered, lungs full of oxygen he couldn’t process. He exhaled sharply trying to get rid of the goosebumps. After six months his fingers finally had the honor to touch Keith’s skin. After a short moment, he lifted his hands, confusion in his eyes. Keith always knew read Shiro’s face. It took him only a moment to deduce that Shiro wanted to run away. Keith grabbed his shirt and pull Shiro back despite the pain on his belly.

“I don’t want to forget about what we had!” Keith hissed again, “stop talking like I left you! I didn’t!”

Shiro smiled.  _That was a lie_  – somewhat. He didn’t need to say words that were hanging on his tongue because Keith already knew. Shameful attempt how to stay guilty free. But that was Keith, and Keith was a different person. He always fought till the last breath. He always somehow managed to overcome every obstacle.

“Let me go, Keith.” Shiro brushed the dark bangs from Keith’s forehead, “You can let me go, now.”

“Stop talking like that!”

“And you stop crying.” Shiro bowed his head. He didn’t want to see the emotions on Keith’s face that were trying to eat the very bottom of his soul, completely draining the life from him.

 “Do you want to leave me?” Keith lifted both of his arms, taking Shiro’s face between his palms. “I’m asking you if you want to leave me!”

“Keith…”

“Answer my fucking question!”

Shiro looked away, his body trembling under Keith’s touch. Six months he was longed for Keith’s touch, for such intimate contact and now when Keith is showing him his devotions when he’s begging him with tears in his eyes, he can’t swallow the pride on his tongue. Shiro felt as his body was slowly giving up. The tension and months he spent alone with his imagination, cause damage that only Keith could fix.

“I missed you.” Shiro whispered, “I missed you terribly, baby. You don’t understand.”

“Help me to understand.”

“I’m scared of losing you. I scare that more than anything.” Finally, Shiro returned a look to his lover.

“Well…” Keith wanted to say that this kind of fear was not unknown to him. “Then why are you sending me away? You’re doing it again. Every time you’re scared of losing me, you want to send me away.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want—” shaking the head, Shiro hid his face in the crook of Keith’s neck.

Keith immediately closed his mouth, trying to breathe through his nose. His scent gland started to react to Shiro’s presence, opening for him like a window. Keith held him tight to his body when Shiro began to nipping on his neck. He licked his gland and biting into the skin; he was hungrily leaving a bruise right on the sensitive spot. Shiro’s mouth moved south, sucking on the skin until he hit one of Keith’s zones under his right collarbone.

A wave of heat hit Keith’s body. He opened his mouth in a silent scream. Shiro already rolled up his shirt, both palms warm against his pale skin. Keith knew he must look unhealthy and too thin for Shiro’s liking, but his lover wasn’t thinking about it. The only thing that was running on Shiro’s mind was how to please both of them after six months of loneliness.

“Shiro, I love you.” Keith closed his eyes. He felt as the need was covering his body with thin foil, preventing him from breathing. Maybe if he could cut Shiro’s skin some of his words would get into his heart. At this moment Keith felt like he skipped the explosion and immediately started to burn.

“ _I know_.”

A wet trace of open mouthed kisses left reddish and purple flowers on Keith’s skin. The pulse on his neck hit the love bite, repeatedly, not stopping, and even faster when Shiro licked his nipple. Shiro’s human hand traveled all over Keith’s rib cage, absorbing the harsh breathing and steady beating of the heart. Fingertips brushed against Keith’s dewy skin, while  Shiro’s lips sucked, again and again, the sensitive purple skin around the collarbone.

Keith lifted both of his arms, holding them stretched against the ceiling. The shadows of blue and red melted together and created purple spots on the wall. Shiro hummed, moving between his lover’s legs, teeth stuck in the soft skin on the bottom side of his shoulder. Keith hissed, letting his arms fall behind his head. Bite after a bite followed a path covered with Shiro’s saliva.

Shiro bit him in his armpit, inhaling the scent, nose buried in the dark hair. Keith pushed his palms against the headboard, whispering Shiro’s name. The warm but metallic palm slid down his hip bone, gripping his ass and turning him on the side. Their legs tangled when Shiro rolled on his back, flipping Keith on his body. When Keith found a better position on his lover’s lap, Shiro slipped his hand under Keith’s underwear pulling it down. Immediately, Keith covered the scar on his abdomen. He bowed his head, and in the silence, his breath hitched in his throat. He was never ashamed of scars and bruises, hell Shiro had them all over his body, but this one called his name in shame. However, Shiro didn’t give him time to think about his demons. He lifted himself to the forearms, thighs pushing Keith forward until he had to uncover his body and lean on his with hands against Shiro’s pectorals. Keith felt the hard nipples against his palms. The sudden sensation made him massage the hard muscles. Licking his lips Keith tilted his head to the side. He watched his fingers sinking into the skin, over the scars, leaving Shiro relaxed.

“How did you manage to last six months without me?” Keith flexed his back, throwing his head back. He moved forward, his ass massaging the hardness under Shiro’s boxers.

“I didn’t, babe…” Shiro gripped his hips, “I almost lost my mind.”

“We still need to talk,” Keith moaned, not even looking at what Shiro was doing with his body. When he felt the two hands stripping him off the underwear, he tried to protest because it meant he had to move from this position.

“Yes, we do.” But then Keith was sent flat on his back, Shiro’s chest against his chest. Shiro bent Keith’s knees and pushed his legs against his stomach to take off the only piece of cloth that covered his body.

Keith was only watching while Shiro threw their clothes on the floor. The naked body of his lover left Keith almost breathless. He lifted one of his legs and ran his foot over Shiro’s chest. While Keith’s thumb was playing with the hard nipple, Shiro wrapped his fingers around the ankle. When he lifted Keith’s leg to his lips and licked the fingers, Keith couldn’t keep a straight face. He covered his smile with the back of his palm and jerked his foot away from Shiro when the tongue started to tickle him. For a second Keith felt like a lunatic, smiling with tears on his cheeks.

Shiro took him apart, every part of his body vulnerable and needy. If his heat didn't end a week ago, he would be now nothing but a needy mess calling Shiro’s name, trying to steal the control. Even though he was an Omega, at the first place, he was Keith Kogane, a man who survived thousands of lonely winters.

“Tease.” Shiro grabbed him by the legs. Pulling him towards his body, he spread Keith’s thighs.

The moan Keith didn’t manage to maintain, left  Shiro with a pleasant smile on his face. Their look met halfway. Keith’s eyebrow twisted in need, a drop of sweet on his forehead. Shiro leaned closer, between Keith’s legs fingers close to his entrance.

“Let me hear that again.”

“Make me.”

Then, Shiro pressed two fingers through the tight ring of muscles. He licked the drop of sweet from Keith’s face and pushed deeper, scissoring his fingers. Keith’s body shivered. He reached for Shiro, wrapping his arms around his neck. Their breaths met, moans crashed against each other. Keith nibbled at Shiro’s earlobe, biting it almost painfully.

“Babe,” Shiro inhaled sharply, “you’re so…” pressing his lips against Keith’s ear he whispered the last word like a secret weapon.

“ _Wet._ ”

Keith returned him the favor. He sank his teeth into the delicate skin on Shiro’s neck. Lifting his legs, he caught Shiro in a strong embrace. The third finger entered his body, and Keith jerked up.

“Fuck me, or I’ll fuck you.”

Shiro pushed against the powerful hug, looking into his mate eyes. He knew Keith was very capable of taking what he wants. But teasing him over the edge was Shiro’s hobby. And so, kneeling in between his impatient man’s legs, Shiro pulled his fingers from the wet hole.

“What about a love making, baby?” Shiro suggested, his hips jerking forward. The precum dropped right on Keith’s hips. “What about you making love to me, hm?”

Keith stopped to count to keep up his sanity. When Shiro took his hand and pulled him up, Keith felt as the wet sheets came unstuck from his back.

“But let me  _know,_ ” Keith whispered before he sat astride on Shiro’s tights. Entangling his fingers in the white strands of hair, Keith kissed him. Since they woke up, it was their first kiss, and Keith felt he would come just from kissing Shiro’s delicious lips, tasting his tongue while the tip of his dick is poking his entrance.

Finally, everything clicked into the right place.

Keith bit onto Shiro’s bottom lip, pulling it and leaving red and swollen. He returned to kissing him after another nudge, and when the tip of Shiro’s cock penetrated him, he cupped Shiro’s face whispering words of promises and love. Keith ran his fingers over the full bottom lip. Shiro caught the thumb with his teeth and sucked on it. He was watching as Keith closed his eyes and rested his head on his shoulder. Keith folded his legs behind his thighs, feet on Shiro’s knees. Like two waves melting into one, they moved together. Shiro leaned forward to find a better angle for his lover.

“But tell me…” Keith moaned when he started to move.

“I will.” Wrapping both of his arms around Keith’s waist, Shiro laid his head against his shoulder. “I  _will_ baby, just…”

Keith kissed him on the shaved side of his head. He closed his eyes, concentrating only about the sensation Shiro’s cock was bringing.

_Just make love to me._

         Keith woke up and found the bed empty. Yawning, he rubbed his sore neck. Nothing. Not a single note, only their messy bed. Keith smiled to himself, remembering the sex. Shiro was probably on the bridge or with Hunk trying to understand what the hell was going on. Right, that was also his responsibility.

After a short shower, Keith has decided to find his teammates. Prepared for the rescue mission, he entered the bridge only to found Kolivan who was talking to Shiro.

“I should dress up better,” Keith said instead of  _hello._

Immediately, he drew the attention of both men. Kolivan gave him a polite smile, while Shiro just put his hands on his hips. They exchanged a long and intense glance. The connection was broken when Kolivan cleared his throat, ignoring all the bruises on Kieth’s neck and collarbone.

“What about your precious kidneys?” Shiro lifted his eyebrow, walking towards his fiancé.

“I didn’t want to wet my shirt.” He ran his fingers through hair.

“You were never fine with walking half naked.”

“You can be happy you’re just half Galra, or none of those bruises would be visible.” Kolivan held his hands behind his back, face straight, nothing but steel hard eyes.

Keith blinked in embarrassment. He covered his neck with his palm, looking at the most impressive thing he could find at that moment: on a gray wall. His tutor, the leader of Blade of Marmora just made a joke about his sex life.

“I somewhat forgot about these…” Keith wanted to punch himself. But who should know that Kolivan will be on the board? After a short moment, Keith dared to look into his tutor eyes only to see that Kolivan was looking at his scar on his belly.

“I would’ve come sooner, but I couldn’t cut off the mission in the middle. It was impossible for us to contact you.”

“It seems that after you disappeared in the alternate universe, the Blade of Marmora found another gate,” Shiro explained.

“But we—” Keith was rudely interrupted by Pidge who pulled him into a hug, not minding the other two men.

“What is happening?!” Keith opened his mouth in surprise. Lance was leaning against the wall, arms crossed on the chest.

“You look stupid when you’re surprised.” Lance chuckled. “Nice neck by the way.”

“What is happening?!” how many times he must ask this question again and again, in all the tenses, in all languages until someone answer him? At some point, he began to think, that this is not the reality where he should be.

“Alright, losers.” Turning on his heel, Keith walked to Kolivan who was standing by the window.

“Glad to see you, Keith.” He smiled.

“Yeah,” Keith sighed, “I would be glad if someone would finally tell me what is happening here.”

“The base on Mars was destroyed.” Kolivan turned his attention back to the window and running stars.

It took Keith a moment to take a breath.

 

         Last fifteen minutes Keith spent throwing a small ball against the wall in their room. Sitting on the floor, and leaning against the bed he threw the ball just when the door has opened, and Shiro walked inside. The ball almost hit his head.

“You’re quick.” Keith smiled when Shiro managed to catch the ball at the last moment.

“How do you feel?”

“ _Hm_ ,” he shrugged.

“I know this feeling.” Shiro hauled a blanket from the bed down on the floor. He didn’t want to listen to another endless argument of  _why you shouldn’t sit on the cold floor._

“Babe,” Shiro took him around his shoulders, “we need to think this through.”

Confused, Keith knitted his eyebrows. He looked at Shiro who was watching the door. Now, when everyone was safe and home, the mission has been aborted. Allura was happy that all the Paladins are finally by her side.

_Home._

Keith rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder. What was home for him? The place where he was born? Place where other people thought he belongs? Or the place where he actually thought was his home? Maybe he never had a home. But someone gave him a chance to create his own place and family finally. It didn’t matter there was no house or no regular place to stay in. He carried his safe zone in his heart. Maybe the home wasn’t where the heart beats but inside the heart.

“I told him it’s  _his_ war. My last words were  _this is your war._ ” Keith closed his eyes. “You’re right. It was  _you_. It was about you, all the time. I saw nothing, but you.”

“Have they told you, I was there with you?”

“Yes.”

Shiro grabbed the red ball from the floor and squeezed it. At his surprise, it made a squealing sound of the toys for dogs. Keith opened one of his eyes, smiling at his lover’s expression.

“That’s my stress ball.”

“This?” Shiro squeezed it again, “this is your anti-stress? Are you real?”

This time Keith laughed. He tried to pry the toy from his hands, but Shiro threw the ball against the wall. The ball made another annoying sound, and when Shiro caught it back with force, it did it again.

“You gave it to me.” Keith pinched his side.

“Not possible. It’s too annoying.”

“But it’s true.”

“I’ll not give it back!” Shiro stretched the arm above his head, while Keith tried to reach him.

“Shiro!”

“Fight for it!”

“I’ll punch your guts!” Keith laughed, his palm flat against Shiro’s tight.

“Go on!”

“Damnit Takashi!”

“Not working on me!”

Keith stretched out his body like a cat while Shiro was still waving with the ball. Keith slipped on the blanket. He fell on his stomach right on Shiro’s lap, almost breaking his teeth against the floor.

“ _Ow,_ what are you, a big baby?” Shiro tapped his ass, palm heavy and warm. “Do you need to re-learn how to maintain balance?”

“When you said we have to think through  _this,_ what did you mean?” the Red Paladin lifted himself from the floor, but Shiro didn’t move his palm away.

“You read the report from Pidge and Lance.”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t see a reason why do you ask.”

“Shiro,” Keith turned his head to look at him, “this is an Interfering.”

“We caused it.”

Keith sighed, carefully he straightened himself, kneeling he shifted to find a better position. He folded his legs under his ass.

“After all we’ve been through, you want to risk your life?"

“Baby…” Shiro found his hand and gently clasped his fingers around Keith’s.

“We still didn’t talk. We laugh and kiss, hug, but we need to talk. It almost looks like we want to run away.”

“I know.” It wasn’t like Shiro wanted to push away his responsibility towards Keith. He didn’t choose his position for the Black Paladin. He was a soldier from nature, and protecting innocent individuals was his destiny. How many times he had to tell himself, that his life matters the same as the lives of other people? He always put someone else before himself, Keith and his family life. Now, at this moment he was able to jump into hell pit for Keith. He wanted to help Keith’s people because they were Keith’s people.

 “Shiro…”

“You’re right, we’ve been through a lot.” He had to interrupt Keith before another wave of guilty would rip him apart. “While you were dying, I was losing my mind. We both almost lost everything, but after all, we still have each other. Now, when you’re in my arms, I feel blessed that I didn’t even lose you. Babe, for me it was over six months without you. Only me and my thoughts. I love you more than before. I’ll give you everything if you ask. I’m different. You could have stayed there, leave me for a man who was better than me in so many ways. He saved your life.”

Keith’s chest tightened. He couldn’t stop his muscles from flexing. Now he was sure Shiro felt his arms trembling. _You should have stayed there._ That was one of the opinions, but right now he would be probably dead. Shiro knew he was angry, and maybe he was digging for the buried passion, trying to wake up the zombie. Nobody said these words, they were dancing on the rim like two cowards. But Keith knew better than anyone in all the realities, that he simply burned out. Like a candle on a grave. Everything went silent and remained dead.

But the bitterness in Shiro’s words was pouring poison into his eyes, trying to blind him from Shiro’s pain.

 

_“Don’t you feel ashamed of what you did?!”_

_“I feel horrified, not ashamed.”_

“Would you leave me there?” Keith cursed himself for the tone of his voice. He was too quiet and steady.

Shiro looked at his lover. Did Keith ask him to die for him? Before Keith could fix the damage, their minds disconnected. Tension sprawled its wings like a bat around Shiro’s mind. He was scared to lose Keith in many ways. One of them was, that Keith would stay paralytic or that he loses his mind.

“Damnit!” Shiro pulled away. He covered his eyes with palms. “I fucked up. I’ve just screwed up everything.”

“That’s not—” Keith ran his fingers a slow path over Shiro’s spine. He used this motion thousands of times just to relax Shiro.

“I see things,” Shiro confessed, voice embarrassed.

“So do I.” For someone like Keith was talking about hallucinations, like talking about the weather. He just smiled at Shiro, moving his fingers from the spine to the side of Shiro’s neck. Caressing the pulse with his thumb, Keith almost gave up. The fast beating heart was calling his name.

“Babe…” Shiro turned his head to look at him.

“Don’t you see what is happening here?” Keith pressed the thumb on the vein, “We mean too much for each other to be separated. I can travel the galaxy, the universe, alternative realities and find as many Shiros as I want, but no one is going to be like you. You are  _you._ The only one, Takashi. I will always get back to you.”

“They’re all dead.” He whispered.

“But I’m here.”

Shiro closed his palm around the ball, hiding it from the world. Did it mean, the ball doesn’t exist anymore or is it only hiding from him so he can’t change its existence? Was the Keith he hallucinated only an imaginary or a real person who was destinated to exist in this reality as a projection? Maybe that was Keith’s destiny in this reality. Be an illusion of a man who tried to save the universe. Then what happened to Bianca? Was she just hiding? Or someone else is dreaming about a girl named Bianca?

When Shiro had left the alternative universe, and the gate closed, he felt like it was a dream, and all the stars and planets, the people just died within his shattered memories. A chance to be found was still better than hope. Losing hope meant death. But losing a chance, always gave people another opportunity to grab something different and maybe even better.

“I was thinking about Blackie.” Shiro uncovered the ball, “we both can pilot her. Hell, everybody, she allows, can pilot her. We’re not special; _we’re just two in many_.”

“Have you ever felt special, just for a moment?” Keith leaned on, “I didn’t. We’re just people. The opportunity to become _someone_  had blinded me. I was holding onto being the Red Paladin like it’s all I have. Out there are thousands of slaves, people who don’t know anything else but walls and faces of their captors. All they want to become is a  _free man._  Not for a moment, never forget who you are, Shiro. It makes you human.”

 

_“You fight your human fight because that’s all you have.”_

 

Just for a moment, Shiro thought, that maybe something in their lives is not obscure, filthy and deadly and that maybe one day someone will come and tell them simply _you’re good men._  All of them just wanted respect for their hard work.

“You know what?” Shiro opened Keith’s palm and placed the red ball in it, “you’re right. We’re humans. That makes us unique. We came from a small planet at the very edge of Milky way, and you know what? That’s a big step for humanity that we’re here.”

Keith squeezed the toy. He waited for this conversation too long to give up. He didn’t want to force Shiro into talking, but the six months between them appeared like a black hole, sucking their shared identity.

“Does it really matter what happened to us?” Shiro asked, breaking the dark spell around them. “Is it important for the others? For the council, for the peace union? It’s not. We just lost our child, like many others of them. They lost whole families, and we lost only one kid. How can we compare…”

“Shiro!” Keith raised his voice, “nobody’s comparing us to them!”

Watching Shiro’s cold undying expression was for Keith like having a pulsar instead of his heart. It was hitting thirty times per second, trying to wake up the man he used to be.

“You’re trying to ease our situation, but it’s not easy! I don’t fucking care what they lost! If I cared about every existence in the universe, I would lose my entire mind!”

“I don’t—” Shiro sighed. Clenching his teeth, he inhaled sharply through his nose. “Damnit Keith!”

“Just tell me what is eating you!”

“Nobody loved her more than me!” Shiro dropped his hands on his thighs, “she was everything to me! What do you think I’m talking about, Keith?!”

Keith battled himself not to look away from Shiro’s beaten up expression. That man was too fragile, too broken and a few days back, almost dead. Now he was sitting next to him, talking like the bravest man Keith has ever met.

“Say it.” Keith clenched the ball, “Just say it.”

“Keith,” tired, Shiro tiled his head back, resting it on the mattress, “let’s stop.”

“Then say it.”

“I don’t know what—”

“It’s my fault.”

Shiro didn't answer only closed his eyes. At first place, it was Keith who was constantly trying to convince him that the baby will be their curse. Day after day, every single fucking day Keith was begging Shiro to end it before it’s too late. He could still remember how he was crying in Keith’s arms pleading and promising him the peace and whole universe. He ignored Keith’s warning that something was wrong with the baby. Maybe the world would stop for them if he allowed Keith to go to abortion and their relationship would get colder every day until it would destroy them, but Keith would be alright, and both of them would have avoided the hell. Keith’d be now in the alternate universe, helping his people, maybe he would join the Blade of Marmora, who knows? But it still looked more perspective than what they have now.

Instead of freezing inside out, they were burning too bright.

“It’s always better when you don’t listen to me.”

That wasn’t an answer Keith was expecting. He was prepared to pull and kick until Shiro is screaming at him.  _What a mess._  Without any words, Keith drew closer to Shiro. He leaned on his shoulder and let Shiro pull him closer to his chest. In the end, it was very difficult to bring the dead back. Keith buried his old self deep down under regrets and unfulfilled promises. Layer after a layer, hundreds of _Keiths_ had to die before Keith found his peace.

“I should be angry at you,” Keith said, words excusing his sudden affectionate behavior, “but I’m too tired of how my anger always fucks up something.”

“We should change into someone else. Who do you want to be?”

“I want to be Pidge.”

Shiro laughed at that. He turned his head, opening his eyes to have eyes and nose full of Keith’s black hair. He wrinkled his nose. Afer the tickling disappeared, he nuzzled his face into the velvet curtains of Keith’s hair. Blindly Shiro took his lover’s hand and placed it on his own thigh.

“We should retire from our position. We’re too crazy.”

 

         The lights in the living room were out. Keith was laying on the couch, finger tracing the scar on his belly. He remembered that night when the cramps came, leaving him almost paralyzed from the pain. This place was where he lost his girl. She was gone, almost killed him. Maybe they should have died together. At this time, Shiro would be healed and alright.

“I’ve got us some food,” Shiro interrupted him. He turned the lights on, making Keith whimper from the blinding light.

“I’m not a cat you can’t do this to me.” He covered his face with a cushion.

“Sometimes you act like that.”

“Sometimes everybody acts like a cat.” He mumbled.

“Explain.”

“Well,” Keith placed the pillow on his belly, “we want to eat fish and claw out someone's eyes.”

“That’s so true!” Pidge entered the room with a jug of water. 

“Another predator on my watch.”

Keith stayed sprawled on the couch while the others were coming inside the room sporadically like geese. It amuses him watch all the warriors dancing in the room, and placing bowls with food on the table. Evan Allura brought a tray with the green jelly. After she put the silver plate on the table, Keith sat up, hugging the pillow.

“Rubbish.”

“What?” Lance almost tripped over the leg of the table, looking at Keith.

“When you want to sound fancy, use British English.” Pidge sat right next to Keith who was still hypnotizing the jelly.

“Do you remember how I feed you with that?”

“Shiro no!” Keith whined, “the only positive thing about me being alive is that I don’t  need to eat these things again.” Disgusted, he waved his hand over the table full of food.

“Pity!” It was needed no more words, Coran grabbed one of the plates and started to create a pyramid from the jelly.

“Someone is depressed again,” Shiro bent down to take Keith’s tossed slippers and put them in order.

Keith sighed, looking under his mate’s loose shirt. The broad muscular chest was calling his name, and the nipples, just pinch them and… Keith snapped suddenly, pointing at Shiro’s body. “Stop wearing such clothes!”

With the slippers in his hands, Shiro looked at his fiancé. A moment passed, and he was still looking at Keith, remembering their first night together after six months. When Keith finally looked away, hugging the pillow, Shiro smiled and answered with simply: “No.”

“It’s good to have you back, dear Paladins.” Coran smiled, he raised his glass, “the  Castle felt lonely without you.”

“It’s good to be back.” The engaged couple replied in harmony, looking at Coran with a smile.

“Rubbish!” Pidge bit into her sandwich, watching Keith with his fading love bites all over his right side of the neck.

“I would like to say, that it was the most stressful fourteen days of my leadership and I don’t want to experience it again! Never! Nope, thank you, let the universe explode!”

All of them laughed, but Allura’s laugh put them all in shame. She tossed her head back holding her stomach, tears in her eyes.

“Princess?” Coran lifted a finger, trying to figure out what was happening.

“You—” She took a deep breath and still smiling she wiped her tears, “you don’t understand it was six months for us. It’s amazing you’re here.”

“That was so funny?” Lance rubbed his chin, “but damn, imagine Hunk leading Voltron for six months.”

“Lance!”

“It’s good we didn’t have to form Voltron, we would fall on our head. He’s so used to be the leg…”

“I don’t want to lead Voltron!” Hunk stabbed the jelly with his fork, “Shiro is the leader, and Keith is the leader, and I’m thankful for your undying trust, but guys, please try to stay alive until we figured out how to pilot Voltron from a distance. Like the drones you know…” he pointed his finger gun against Lance and shot him.

“ _Bang, bang my baby shot me down!_ ” All the eyes dropped on Lance who was now playing dead on the floor. Nobody said a word, trying to ignore Hunks blushing face.

“Are you two …” Pidge broke the silence, “ _Uhm…_ ”

“No!” Lance sat up immediately, “Damn you don’t know the song?! It’s a song! A song!”

“Too offensive for  _a no._ ” Keith lifted his eyebrow.

“I’m not talking to you anymore!” Crossing his arms over his chest, Lance fell into a profound silence, watching the floor, counting in his head. He was trying so hard to stay quiet, that he almost began to sweat.

“I feel offended by Keith’s behavior!”

“That was your record in staying quiet,” Shiro said.

“It was a peaceful life without Keith.”

“I love you to Lance. You don’t know yet but you  _bang bang_ my heart, and now I’m falling _down down baby._ ”

“What?!” Lance snapped throughout the coming laughter from his teammates. He couldn’t keep his angry face too long. It was a long night, the longest night of his life. He smiled, taking a plate from Hunks hands with silent  _thank you._ Keith was alive, and it proved them, that they’re a true team a family that cover each other no matter what.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Even the mice came and joined them. Keith took a sip from his water. He was the only one who had no appetite for the food. The bowl Shiro brought him remained untouched on the table. His stomach twisted and squeal from hunger, but the stress didn’t want to let him take just a single bit.

“Babe, something’s wrong?” Shiro noticed something was off with his mate.

Shaking his head, Keith only frowned. He rubbed his scar over the shirt. It took him by surprise, the phantom of his belly. He wanted to stroke the swollen skin, to say  _are you hungry kid?_ But the words remained on his tongue, heavy like guilt. Keith knew that it’s only his demon, his ghost he had to fight. There was still a possibility for another baby, but the fear completely devoured him just by thinking about another pregnancy.

“Pidge, could you please…” Shiro stood up from his place next to Allura. He waited for Pidge to move to the side and slipped right beside his mate.

Gently, Shiro pulled him closer until Keith’s head was resting on his shoulder. He kissed his temple and stroked his thigh. The conversation was still not over. Knowing that Keith will be blaming and putting shame on himself, Shiro felt powerless, like a doll who could only watch his owner suffer.

“I’m not going anywhere. Never.” He whispered into Keith’s hair.

“I know.”

“I’m yours.”

“I know.”

Shiro closed his eyes, listening only to the noise his friends were creating. For Keith, it was only a month, while he had six months for dealing with the demons. Since Keith returned, his hallucinations had disappeared. Letting the fake image of perfect life in, was easy when the mind was broken enough. He never asked Keith what he hallucinated or if he heard things. He only knew that Keith couldn’t get rid of him after the  _pilot error_ announcement. Well, at least he knew this feeling.

Suddenly Shiro snapped, he opened his eyes before the memories managed to start eating his soul. The vision of Galra Keith who tried to kill him raised like a monster from a cold autumn lake.

“Shiro?” he looked at Keith, and instantly regretted his minor breakdown. Keith looked alarmed.

“I’m fine,” he smiled and kissed Keith on his lips.

 _Fine._ It seemed like both of them found their favorite word. Shame, that the word was only sheltering their lies.

“We have to talk.” Pidge placed her plate on the table. Nervously she rubbed her warm palms against her thighs. “I know it’s been only a week, but we need to figure out how to help people in the alternative reality. We own them.”

It seemed like nobody wanted to cover Pidge’s back in this situation until Shiro laid his palm on her shoulder and gently squeezed it.

“Keith and I, we already talked about this matter.”

“We own them a lot,” Keith agreed.

Allura sighed. She wiped her fingers on the napkin and clasped her hands together. She saw confidence in Keith’s eyes. She stood up, eyeing her Paladins and Coran. “The hardest part is persuading the council about our good intentions. Our mission means to leave our universe in the hands of allies and without Voltron.”

“Thanks to Blade of Marmora we decoded the rest of Aleiah's diary. Now we know things that can help us.”

“What do you mean?” Keith asked, surprised by Coran’s words.

“You were still recovering, and we didn’t want to bother you. Your health is our priority.”

“Now we know,” Allura continued, “that the parallel universe is real. Also, we’re aware where the Blue lion is.”

“So?” Lance asked curiously, “where’s the infamous  _but?_ ”

“It’s on Earth.”

 


End file.
